Aa
Jumping off methadone
First let me tell you a little bit about me. I'm 50 years old, male and have been on methadone for the last 10 years. I'm an alcoholic who quit drinking 29 years ago. I don't do any other recreational drugs whatsoever as opiates have scratched that itch quite well. A few months back after tapering down from 80 mg a day to 20 mg per day , I signed out of the clinic and walked away. I was determined that with the small stockpile I had at home I could continue to wean myself off. I called a good friend of mine who has also been on methadone for over 10 years , although not at any particular Clinic and told her I was done. She happened to be horribly dope sick that day and begged me for a few wafers. I personally have great empathy for other Junkies who are sick and trying to keep it together, hold a job, pay a mortgage Etc ...
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
Day90
11:40am.
Unfortunately shortly after I wrote my last post, my mother went into full cardiac arrest. I got the phone call at midnight Friday evening and was told they were trying to resuscitate her and that it didn't look good. What followed was 5 hours of pandemonium as life flights were scheduled and subsequently cancelled as they desperately tried to get her stable enough to travel . At the same time that all this was happening the hospital's incoming phone lines had some sort of failure and every time you called it was busy. They could call us with updates but we had no way of reaching them to see how things were going . We were two and a half hours away by car and with them continuing to talk about life lighting her we didn't want to get all the way up there only to find out they had flown her somewhere else. We were forced to stay put, hope for the best, and wait it out.
It was possibly the most emotionally grueling thing that I've ever been through in such a short period of time.
Finally they did life flight her to a large city that had an excellent Heart Center. The new hospital was about 30 minutes away and we raced there to be with her.
When I walked in the Intensive Care Unit and saw her with tubes down her throat, on a ventilator, and pale as a ghost, I really feared for the worst. The room was a blinding mess of various machines whirling and twirling, beeping and blipping. I just stood there, completely stunned, I felt broken...
Over the past 4 days my mother has made a miraculous recovery. It has stunned everyone. She spent one day on the ventilator and then demanded it be removed. The doctors assumed that she had thrown a blood clot from the hip surgery but that has been subsequently ruled out. They're inclined to believe that it may have been a heart attack triggered by stress. My mother is now fully alert and appears to have suffered no permanent damage. The ICU doctors are not allowing my aunt to visit and I'm in full agreement with that decision.
When we're all doped up on opiates we think the world revolves around us and we say and do things that we may live to regret forever.
I am thankful that I had enough clean time under my belt to shoulder this type of Burden and remain Unbroken. The stress of it all has caused some of the withdrawal symptoms to kick back in but I've powered through. I'm so grateful that I'm clean and can deal with these types of situations without feeling the need to use.
And in closing, I want to say that whether you're a good vibes type person or a praying type person, send something out towards my mother Judy in hopes that she's completely out of the woods soon.
Peace and love,
Dave
11:40am.
Unfortunately shortly after I wrote my last post, my mother went into full cardiac arrest. I got the phone call at midnight Friday evening and was told they were trying to resuscitate her and that it didn't look good. What followed was 5 hours of pandemonium as life flights were scheduled and subsequently cancelled as they desperately tried to get her stable enough to travel . At the same time that all this was happening the hospital's incoming phone lines had some sort of failure and every time you called it was busy. They could call us with updates but we had no way of reaching them to see how things were going . We were two and a half hours away by car and with them continuing to talk about life lighting her we didn't want to get all the way up there only to find out they had flown her somewhere else. We were forced to stay put, hope for the best, and wait it out.
It was possibly the most emotionally grueling thing that I've ever been through in such a short period of time.
Finally they did life flight her to a large city that had an excellent Heart Center. The new hospital was about 30 minutes away and we raced there to be with her.
When I walked in the Intensive Care Unit and saw her with tubes down her throat, on a ventilator, and pale as a ghost, I really feared for the worst. The room was a blinding mess of various machines whirling and twirling, beeping and blipping. I just stood there, completely stunned, I felt broken...
Over the past 4 days my mother has made a miraculous recovery. It has stunned everyone. She spent one day on the ventilator and then demanded it be removed. The doctors assumed that she had thrown a blood clot from the hip surgery but that has been subsequently ruled out. They're inclined to believe that it may have been a heart attack triggered by stress. My mother is now fully alert and appears to have suffered no permanent damage. The ICU doctors are not allowing my aunt to visit and I'm in full agreement with that decision.
When we're all doped up on opiates we think the world revolves around us and we say and do things that we may live to regret forever.
I am thankful that I had enough clean time under my belt to shoulder this type of Burden and remain Unbroken. The stress of it all has caused some of the withdrawal symptoms to kick back in but I've powered through. I'm so grateful that I'm clean and can deal with these types of situations without feeling the need to use.
And in closing, I want to say that whether you're a good vibes type person or a praying type person, send something out towards my mother Judy in hopes that she's completely out of the woods soon.
Peace and love,
Dave
6 Comments
Prayers going up Dave!!
Thank you so much. You're such a sweet person...
Prayers , Dave,
Thank you Soulscapex..
Thinking of you Dave sending Good Energy for you and your Mom! Congrats on Day 97!! Whoo Hoo a Long way from day 1. lesa
Thank you. I think you are pretty nice yourself Dave:)) warm hugs
Day72.
7:30am
I am still moving forward but I am past the point where any planning prepared me for. I'd planned my escape from this wicked drug very meticulously. I tried to put myself in the best position for success. I treated it more like a prison break than a medical detox.
I knew that the prisoner who only carried a blanket to lay over the razor wire was often caught directly outside the fence. Hence, I tried to plan for every concivable obstacle. I saved up money to help support us while I'd be sick. I tried to mentally prepare for a long protracted battle. I stockpiled o.t.c meds I knew I'd need. I planned and planned and planned..
But many plans didn't survive first contact and I have outlasted the ones that did. It seems that, for this point at least, it will be more about persistence than planning.
I am relying on Faith, Determination and momentum to carry me through this patch of plan-less-ness.
I dont see this as an absolute negative though.
I sort of see the situation like the 120 yr old man saying he's run through his retirement savings. It's an unusual situation for sure but it's also a blessing to have outlasted your best laid plans.
Today I'll be thankful about my blessings and grateful for my longevity.
All is well...
7:30am
I am still moving forward but I am past the point where any planning prepared me for. I'd planned my escape from this wicked drug very meticulously. I tried to put myself in the best position for success. I treated it more like a prison break than a medical detox.
I knew that the prisoner who only carried a blanket to lay over the razor wire was often caught directly outside the fence. Hence, I tried to plan for every concivable obstacle. I saved up money to help support us while I'd be sick. I tried to mentally prepare for a long protracted battle. I stockpiled o.t.c meds I knew I'd need. I planned and planned and planned..
But many plans didn't survive first contact and I have outlasted the ones that did. It seems that, for this point at least, it will be more about persistence than planning.
I am relying on Faith, Determination and momentum to carry me through this patch of plan-less-ness.
I dont see this as an absolute negative though.
I sort of see the situation like the 120 yr old man saying he's run through his retirement savings. It's an unusual situation for sure but it's also a blessing to have outlasted your best laid plans.
Today I'll be thankful about my blessings and grateful for my longevity.
All is well...
Lesa, your words brought tears to my eyes; Dave your response to Lesa was everything!
Day26
9:30am.
***Wait for your first belly laugh Dave.. Have you noticed the sunsets yet? The birds singing? How good food taste and smells.. The Blue of the sky our how soft brown looks? How tears come to your eyes when you see something sad or Beautiful? If you have not you will! These are what we block out with the drugs This and our Emotions.. Our Emotions are who make us Us.. Our loved ones miss us. They do not realize How much till we get clean. When We come back to them from the soul sucking Opiates They realize how much of us were gone. So do we. I'm also looking forward to that 30 days with you Dave! Hope today is a Good day for you.. warmly, lesa***
YES,YES,YES...
I want to laugh and cry and dream...I want to march into the future, shoulders back, head held high. I want to re-experience love without secrets muffling its resonance.
I want to marvel at life's nuanced complexities in all their magnificence. I want to greet the unknowable with unbridled curiosity instead of skepticism and fear. I want to pet Schrödinger's Cat while rolling Einstein's dice,
Oh the madness of it..
In short, I Want To Be Me and I Want To Live Again..
My body may still miss the soul-sucking opiates but my mind, soul, and spirit have parted ways with the beast. I must move onward and upwards.
I think today's going to be a great day...
9:30am.
***Wait for your first belly laugh Dave.. Have you noticed the sunsets yet? The birds singing? How good food taste and smells.. The Blue of the sky our how soft brown looks? How tears come to your eyes when you see something sad or Beautiful? If you have not you will! These are what we block out with the drugs This and our Emotions.. Our Emotions are who make us Us.. Our loved ones miss us. They do not realize How much till we get clean. When We come back to them from the soul sucking Opiates They realize how much of us were gone. So do we. I'm also looking forward to that 30 days with you Dave! Hope today is a Good day for you.. warmly, lesa***
YES,YES,YES...
I want to laugh and cry and dream...I want to march into the future, shoulders back, head held high. I want to re-experience love without secrets muffling its resonance.
I want to marvel at life's nuanced complexities in all their magnificence. I want to greet the unknowable with unbridled curiosity instead of skepticism and fear. I want to pet Schrödinger's Cat while rolling Einstein's dice,
Oh the madness of it..
In short, I Want To Be Me and I Want To Live Again..
My body may still miss the soul-sucking opiates but my mind, soul, and spirit have parted ways with the beast. I must move onward and upwards.
I think today's going to be a great day...
Wait for your first belly laugh Dave.. Have you noticed the sunsets yet? The birds singing? How good food taste and smells.. The Blue of the sky our how soft brown looks? How tears come to your eyes when you see something sad out too Beautiful? If you have not you will! These are what we block out with the drugs This and our Emotions.. Our Emotions are who make us Us.. Our loved ones miss us. They do not realize How much till we get clean. When We come back to them from the soul sucking Opiates They realize how much of us were gone. So do we. I'm also looking forward to that 30 days with you Dave! Hope today is a Good day for you.. warmly, lesa
Day74
12:55pm.
I worked hard again yesterday. Almost 4hrs. Mostly finishing drywall but lots of stop and go fixing what other volunteers had done incorrectly. I left fatigued as usual but I took note that the heat seemed to take the most out of me. I was sweating WAY more than anyone else. Granted, I used to sweat profusely for almost no reason so there's that'.
I suppose my system is still confused. I sure wish the overheating issue would stop. When I'd take an 80mg. dose of methadone I'd have to turn the air down and put all the fans on high. It was an issue then and continues to be, albeit to a smaller degree.
My headaches appear to be disappearing. No aspirin Or Tylenol at all today and I just have a tiny, background type headache.
I have to go do a small job at an office complex today. I'm dreading it. The major expenditure of energy yesterday has left me with the predictable energy hangover. I feel exhausted and I haven't done a thing yet.
Still hanging in there though. Still unafraid.
Still resolute.
Everybody have a great Sunday.
12:55pm.
I worked hard again yesterday. Almost 4hrs. Mostly finishing drywall but lots of stop and go fixing what other volunteers had done incorrectly. I left fatigued as usual but I took note that the heat seemed to take the most out of me. I was sweating WAY more than anyone else. Granted, I used to sweat profusely for almost no reason so there's that'.
I suppose my system is still confused. I sure wish the overheating issue would stop. When I'd take an 80mg. dose of methadone I'd have to turn the air down and put all the fans on high. It was an issue then and continues to be, albeit to a smaller degree.
My headaches appear to be disappearing. No aspirin Or Tylenol at all today and I just have a tiny, background type headache.
I have to go do a small job at an office complex today. I'm dreading it. The major expenditure of energy yesterday has left me with the predictable energy hangover. I feel exhausted and I haven't done a thing yet.
Still hanging in there though. Still unafraid.
Still resolute.
Everybody have a great Sunday.
1 Comments
Have you tried amino acid supplements? I took up competitive swimming when I quit 5 years ago. Dealt with all the same energy problems. I take aminos before workouts and ~25 grams of protein daily. This regimen really helps with energy and muscle recovery. Don't forget that past 40 it's normal to slow down a bit. I know I masked that slowdown in my 30s with opiates. So it did take some time to rediscover my own limits.
Wish I had your wisdom as I too have entered an area unexpected. keep laying down the positive swag.. needed....
2 Comments
Day70
6:50pm.
Headaches are getting better but my lack of motivation seems to be increasing. I'm either not feeling good and don't want to do anything or I'm feeling ok but don't want to upset the apple cart. I've got to find a way to keep myself moving no matter what.
I feel better when I move. It just gets tough when week after week the symptoms won't fully relent. I'll survive it but I don't have to like it. I think I'd prefer a full blown battle royale rather than constant potshots from the cheap seats.
I guess I should be grateful that the headaches are subsiding. If I can get them under control a bit more I'll be much happier. I'm already happier than I was when I was on 80 mg of methadone a day. I was an emotional zombie after a few years of that. And like any decent zombie, I didn't even realize I'd become a part of the walking dead. I just shuffled around in an emotionally constricted state, all creative horizons obstructed and told myself everything was fine.
Yeah, today my life is definitely better than it was before. It just seems that complaining about today is much easier than a good and proper reflection about how bad things were before.
I need to work on being grateful and I need to stay thankful for the progress I've made.
I'll add it to the 2-do list...
6:50pm.
Headaches are getting better but my lack of motivation seems to be increasing. I'm either not feeling good and don't want to do anything or I'm feeling ok but don't want to upset the apple cart. I've got to find a way to keep myself moving no matter what.
I feel better when I move. It just gets tough when week after week the symptoms won't fully relent. I'll survive it but I don't have to like it. I think I'd prefer a full blown battle royale rather than constant potshots from the cheap seats.
I guess I should be grateful that the headaches are subsiding. If I can get them under control a bit more I'll be much happier. I'm already happier than I was when I was on 80 mg of methadone a day. I was an emotional zombie after a few years of that. And like any decent zombie, I didn't even realize I'd become a part of the walking dead. I just shuffled around in an emotionally constricted state, all creative horizons obstructed and told myself everything was fine.
Yeah, today my life is definitely better than it was before. It just seems that complaining about today is much easier than a good and proper reflection about how bad things were before.
I need to work on being grateful and I need to stay thankful for the progress I've made.
I'll add it to the 2-do list...
Day69
8:25am.
I struggled with that pesky headache all day yesterday. It seems better this morning. I'm grateful for that. The headaches have been a bummer for sure. All throughout the acute phase of my withdrawal I took buffered baby aspirin to reduce the possibility of nausea but for these headaches I've been taking full-size adult aspirin. And even then it has just barely kept it in check.
I sure hope that one day I'll be able to sleep 8 hours again. I've had some brief periods where I've slept 7 or 7.5 hours but on average I'm sleeping about five and a half hours a night and I wake up two to three times during that cycle. Also two to three times a week I'll wake up with night sweats. I had to remind myself of how bad it was in the beginning when I was getting zero sleep and just flipping and flopping. So I'm not complaining necessarily, I'm just saying that the sleep still isn't right.
I'm grateful that I decided to keep this journal because it makes it very convenient to drift back in time and accurately remember exactly how tough things were during that first three weeks. It's still tough but I am improving. I'm not 100% by any means , but I am definitely better.
Today I'll be grateful that I'm better..
8:25am.
I struggled with that pesky headache all day yesterday. It seems better this morning. I'm grateful for that. The headaches have been a bummer for sure. All throughout the acute phase of my withdrawal I took buffered baby aspirin to reduce the possibility of nausea but for these headaches I've been taking full-size adult aspirin. And even then it has just barely kept it in check.
I sure hope that one day I'll be able to sleep 8 hours again. I've had some brief periods where I've slept 7 or 7.5 hours but on average I'm sleeping about five and a half hours a night and I wake up two to three times during that cycle. Also two to three times a week I'll wake up with night sweats. I had to remind myself of how bad it was in the beginning when I was getting zero sleep and just flipping and flopping. So I'm not complaining necessarily, I'm just saying that the sleep still isn't right.
I'm grateful that I decided to keep this journal because it makes it very convenient to drift back in time and accurately remember exactly how tough things were during that first three weeks. It's still tough but I am improving. I'm not 100% by any means , but I am definitely better.
Today I'll be grateful that I'm better..
1 Comments
...headache is first sign of dehydration...drink plenty of water from morning til bed time...b4 you get the headaches...
Day59
5:40pm.
Well I managed to go 3 hard hours hanging drywall and then after lunch and a small break, another 1.5 hrs helping an elderly couple move furniture out of storage and into their new home.
I AM BEAT.
but satisfied.
Also, a guy I meet last weekend, who I thought was kind of a jerk, turned out to be a pretty decent dude. He was my co-worker today. I really need to start reading the book before offering a review. You'd think I'd of learned that lesson by now..
Oy vey'
At any rate I'm having a good weekend and all is well. I hope everyone else's weekend is equally as satisfying.
- Dave -
5:40pm.
Well I managed to go 3 hard hours hanging drywall and then after lunch and a small break, another 1.5 hrs helping an elderly couple move furniture out of storage and into their new home.
I AM BEAT.
but satisfied.
Also, a guy I meet last weekend, who I thought was kind of a jerk, turned out to be a pretty decent dude. He was my co-worker today. I really need to start reading the book before offering a review. You'd think I'd of learned that lesson by now..
Oy vey'
At any rate I'm having a good weekend and all is well. I hope everyone else's weekend is equally as satisfying.
- Dave -
Day56
Im hanging in there. Still clean, still happy to be that way. I'm feeling a bit haggard from all the little crap that keeps popping up. Headaches, night sweats, lead suit syndrome, etc...
But I'm staying the course.
Im hanging in there. Still clean, still happy to be that way. I'm feeling a bit haggard from all the little crap that keeps popping up. Headaches, night sweats, lead suit syndrome, etc...
But I'm staying the course.
1 Comments
Me too bro, day 40 and I REALLY thought I'd be on the other side. Sleeping really sucks still... My Dr. tells me to *eat* 4-5 times a day to "heal" my brain. Trying healthy stuff but not much appetite-- Rock ON!
hi Dave.....well I have been folowing your story from the begging....a big congrats on 55 days clean!!!!....I dont think annyone will argue that hands down methadone is the hardest to quit...with that said your making good progress as you can see this is going to take a wile to recover.....just know that every day clean is a victory and it is best to mention that recovery is painfully slow...this is why I recamend journaling....your progress can be tracked in baby steps.....but if you take the time to do it you can go back and see your progress on those days it seams hopeless.....also reading your post from the beginning is a great idea ...although your recovery may not be where you expect it to be by now.....just know you will recover...the real thing here that can be hard to do is to keep a positve attitude and your head is in the right place since the begining...this is critical....I always say you can be uncomfortable... but suffering is a choice and it is all about attitude.. I do remember sitting with my substance abuse counselor at 60 days....telling him I should be a whole lot better by now...it seamed hopeless and I started to belive what the clinic said when they told me I was going to be on methadone the rest of my life...but I am a stubborn SOB and if nothing else I was going to prove they where wrong... Dave you got this... and for most your more then 1/2 way there...it was around 90 days b/4 I started to get better...being this far along the worst is behind you and it seamed that things started to happen a lot faster...that the idea of recovery was much faster and a whole lot more measurable then the first 90 days... you just got to hang in there...if this post does no more then encourage you...I hope is gives you the idea that with time this will be all but a distant memory....keep posting for support where all here for you........Gnarly.................
1 Comments
Thank you Gnarly. Your post really addressed alot of thoughts I've been having actually. I DID think I'd be much further along than I currently am. It is kind of a bummer that it's so slow but hey, 10 years on the juice takes its toll I guess. I'm willing to pay the piper whatever it takes. I just want my life back in return..
Again, thanks for taking the time to post and double thx for the thoughtfulness of your advice.
Dave
Again, thanks for taking the time to post and double thx for the thoughtfulness of your advice.
Dave
Day55
7:40am.
Yesterday was a reminder that things aren't always as they seem.
I had to go downtown for some business before I picked my wife up from work. I pulled into a parking garage that was adjacent to my destination and proceeded to take care of my affairs. When I was done I went back to the garage, a giant, circular, monstrosity and attempted to locate my truck. Mind you I'd had a bad headache for two days and was on all the O.T.C meds I could stand..
I was certain I'd parked fairly far up the spiral structure and I was sure it was on level 4.
My idea, since I felt so weak, was to take the elevator to level 5 and walk DOWN to my truck instead of having to walk UP if I'd gotten off at the level 4 stop. I got off at 5 and ended up walking all the way down to level 1 and No Truck. I then took the elevator to 7 and walked down to 5, No truck..
Then I decided to just cut to the chase and go all the way to the top, level 11, and walk down til I located my ride. No luck. By this time I'd been trapped in this horrifically hot Parking garage for an hour.
My wife called wondering why I was late and I told her that I thought someone had stolen the truck. She got a co-worker to give her a ride to my location and said she'd be there in 30 minutes. In the interim, I attempted to ride the elevator back to floor 11 for a last minute do-over but because it was so slow to arrive I took the stairs. This is when I noticed an odd detail. Every other floor alternated between Red Markings and Yellow markings. It turns out that this parking garage is actually two garages in one. Odd number floors are red, even are yellow. One street entrance puts you solely on the Red ramp, the other the Yellow...
I was completely unaware of this new fangled, Parking garage wizardry.
I'd bumbled around for an hour in a red got garage trying to sneeze my way out of a massive sinus headache.
I felt silly, stupid and small. When my wife arrived she pointed out that stealing a car from a p.garage would be tough being as you had to have a ticket to pay and depart...
Of course she was correct, I was completely humbled. I'd been completely befuddled by a simple, two-color coded system and then assumed magical bandits had teleported my truck to an undisclosed location.
Uggg...
Still embarrassed by this incident but I'm going to look at it in a positive light.
It's the simplest of things that can trip us up.
The most innocuous of events that can leave us completely confused and The punches you don't see coming that will leave you the most disconcerted.
Today I'll be grateful for a dose of humility. I must have needed it...
7:40am.
Yesterday was a reminder that things aren't always as they seem.
I had to go downtown for some business before I picked my wife up from work. I pulled into a parking garage that was adjacent to my destination and proceeded to take care of my affairs. When I was done I went back to the garage, a giant, circular, monstrosity and attempted to locate my truck. Mind you I'd had a bad headache for two days and was on all the O.T.C meds I could stand..
I was certain I'd parked fairly far up the spiral structure and I was sure it was on level 4.
My idea, since I felt so weak, was to take the elevator to level 5 and walk DOWN to my truck instead of having to walk UP if I'd gotten off at the level 4 stop. I got off at 5 and ended up walking all the way down to level 1 and No Truck. I then took the elevator to 7 and walked down to 5, No truck..
Then I decided to just cut to the chase and go all the way to the top, level 11, and walk down til I located my ride. No luck. By this time I'd been trapped in this horrifically hot Parking garage for an hour.
My wife called wondering why I was late and I told her that I thought someone had stolen the truck. She got a co-worker to give her a ride to my location and said she'd be there in 30 minutes. In the interim, I attempted to ride the elevator back to floor 11 for a last minute do-over but because it was so slow to arrive I took the stairs. This is when I noticed an odd detail. Every other floor alternated between Red Markings and Yellow markings. It turns out that this parking garage is actually two garages in one. Odd number floors are red, even are yellow. One street entrance puts you solely on the Red ramp, the other the Yellow...
I was completely unaware of this new fangled, Parking garage wizardry.
I'd bumbled around for an hour in a red got garage trying to sneeze my way out of a massive sinus headache.
I felt silly, stupid and small. When my wife arrived she pointed out that stealing a car from a p.garage would be tough being as you had to have a ticket to pay and depart...
Of course she was correct, I was completely humbled. I'd been completely befuddled by a simple, two-color coded system and then assumed magical bandits had teleported my truck to an undisclosed location.
Uggg...
Still embarrassed by this incident but I'm going to look at it in a positive light.
It's the simplest of things that can trip us up.
The most innocuous of events that can leave us completely confused and The punches you don't see coming that will leave you the most disconcerted.
Today I'll be grateful for a dose of humility. I must have needed it...
1 Comments
Hilarious - I couldn't change the plugs on my car.. literally...
Ďay43
11:00am.
Well, I went to turn myself in for 4 day as required and the Jail did not have my paperwork. The Sheriff said they couldn't take me unless he had my documents. So, standing outside the jailhouse, I called my wife who had arrived home, and told her the news. She in turn called an old friend at the courthouse who was able to get the clerk to Fax the documents over with five minutes to spare...
I then called the Sheriff back and was explaining the situation to him when, at that exact moment the new order came in over their system.
He told me that he was going to give me the maximum credit he could due to the fact that I'd diligently worked hard to try and resolve the matter and take care of my business.
Here is what the Good Sheriff did.
He gave me a days credit for good behavior.
He gave me a days credit for the 4 hours when I was originally arrested.
He gave me a days credit for turning myself in yesterday at 5pm (although I got there at 2:50)
And he gave me a days credit for 12pm - 8am today.
So I got credit for 4 full days by staying 15 hrs in jail.
AMAZING
God is good and things work out well if you put your all into it. I feel blessed.
When I got home I had an email from my probation officer. She had come in to work and found out about all the paperwork drama and dropped me a line to say she was impressed. She said I'm doing what so very few actually do and to keep up the good work..
Nice to have her on my side when I go back in April to have this incident expunged from my record.
Lastly, I must mention that as I sat in a Giant classification area I literally saw two dozen people, mostly females, come in opioided out of their minds. The classification area offers little sandwiches to eat since you may stay in that area for awhile (I sat there 9hrs) Many of the severely stoned nodded out, half eaten sandwiches firmly in hand..
It was heartbreaking to witness. This is truly an epidemic and those people were more than just junkies, They are mothers and daughters and sisters and fathers. I said a prayer for them all and ended it by stating, "there but for the grace of god go I."
The whole ordeal has left me slightly sick. I was very stressed plus It was extremely hot yesterday and standing in the sun begging to get into jail drained me.
But IT'S OVER NOW.
Onward and upwards.
Thanks for all the support.
Dave.
11:00am.
Well, I went to turn myself in for 4 day as required and the Jail did not have my paperwork. The Sheriff said they couldn't take me unless he had my documents. So, standing outside the jailhouse, I called my wife who had arrived home, and told her the news. She in turn called an old friend at the courthouse who was able to get the clerk to Fax the documents over with five minutes to spare...
I then called the Sheriff back and was explaining the situation to him when, at that exact moment the new order came in over their system.
He told me that he was going to give me the maximum credit he could due to the fact that I'd diligently worked hard to try and resolve the matter and take care of my business.
Here is what the Good Sheriff did.
He gave me a days credit for good behavior.
He gave me a days credit for the 4 hours when I was originally arrested.
He gave me a days credit for turning myself in yesterday at 5pm (although I got there at 2:50)
And he gave me a days credit for 12pm - 8am today.
So I got credit for 4 full days by staying 15 hrs in jail.
AMAZING
God is good and things work out well if you put your all into it. I feel blessed.
When I got home I had an email from my probation officer. She had come in to work and found out about all the paperwork drama and dropped me a line to say she was impressed. She said I'm doing what so very few actually do and to keep up the good work..
Nice to have her on my side when I go back in April to have this incident expunged from my record.
Lastly, I must mention that as I sat in a Giant classification area I literally saw two dozen people, mostly females, come in opioided out of their minds. The classification area offers little sandwiches to eat since you may stay in that area for awhile (I sat there 9hrs) Many of the severely stoned nodded out, half eaten sandwiches firmly in hand..
It was heartbreaking to witness. This is truly an epidemic and those people were more than just junkies, They are mothers and daughters and sisters and fathers. I said a prayer for them all and ended it by stating, "there but for the grace of god go I."
The whole ordeal has left me slightly sick. I was very stressed plus It was extremely hot yesterday and standing in the sun begging to get into jail drained me.
But IT'S OVER NOW.
Onward and upwards.
Thanks for all the support.
Dave.
Hi Dave! I'm also still feeling low energy although I'm getting hints of it here and there! I'm down to 6 sneezes in a row instead of 7! I'm able to fall asleep although it takes a lil I'm also able to sleep most nights for a few hours. My mind feels so much better my memory is coming back as well as finding words when speaking. My laughter is returning although I still have mood swing not as severe but still there.. I' do not like to say it is over for it always surprises me so I will just say I'm getting better!! I'm glad you are also and that some of the better Joys in life are returning:)) Hope today is a very Good day for you!! warmly, lesa
A big thanks to everyone who's offered advice and support. I'm getting my 30 day chip tonight. I can't remember the last time I had 30 days completely clean. I'm very happy to be here and I don't think I could have done this without my wife and some very special online friends.
Very sad to read this, Dave. Addiction is such a powerful disease and many do not see a way out.
You have chosen to exercise the "power of choice" we are each given, unlike your friend, who wasn't able to find her way. Perhaps digging into a recovery program that offers healing and restoration will bring you a peace your friend was unable to find~
You have chosen to exercise the "power of choice" we are each given, unlike your friend, who wasn't able to find her way. Perhaps digging into a recovery program that offers healing and restoration will bring you a peace your friend was unable to find~
1 Comments
@Kansas
Thanks for your kind words and good advice..
Thanks for your kind words and good advice..
Dave your a Trooper! Great job so far! Methadone is the toughest kick out there & you are doing it ! It's too bad you couldn't get a little lower but 10 mgs. isn't too awful a jump. (I jumped off 28). It stores in your bones & tissue so it takes a while for the body to excrete.
Congrats too, on the sleep. That was a gift. It's quite possible you'll have more. My advice is to push yourself to exercise (just walking in the sun will do for now). Drink lots of pure water & take hot baths with epsom salts. After this, lie down & put on a youtube relaxation meditation and just breathe deeply & follow your breath. This will help with the anxiety & might get you some of that sleep. Start telling yourself that you can & that you are healing (which you are). Stay the course, the acute withdrawals will start to subside in the next week or so.
L-Theanine will have a similar effect to Clonidine. A Cal/Mag supplement will also calm you & may help with muscle aches. If you have RLS (awful symptom), there are formulas made for this available at places like Walmart. If you can't manage food, try protein shakes.
If you want to stay clean, get rid of all those numbers & determine not to see any of your using friends again. (Take it from one who knows. It's the only way).
Best of Luck Dave, Hold Fast.
Congrats too, on the sleep. That was a gift. It's quite possible you'll have more. My advice is to push yourself to exercise (just walking in the sun will do for now). Drink lots of pure water & take hot baths with epsom salts. After this, lie down & put on a youtube relaxation meditation and just breathe deeply & follow your breath. This will help with the anxiety & might get you some of that sleep. Start telling yourself that you can & that you are healing (which you are). Stay the course, the acute withdrawals will start to subside in the next week or so.
L-Theanine will have a similar effect to Clonidine. A Cal/Mag supplement will also calm you & may help with muscle aches. If you have RLS (awful symptom), there are formulas made for this available at places like Walmart. If you can't manage food, try protein shakes.
If you want to stay clean, get rid of all those numbers & determine not to see any of your using friends again. (Take it from one who knows. It's the only way).
Best of Luck Dave, Hold Fast.
You know what to do next, my friend. You know what to do. My wish for you is getting out of your comfort zone and into action.
COMMUNITY LEADER
"Go with a spirit that fears nothing" Jimi's words took me thru alot of trials~
Great comments. Very visceral and poetic. Glad you are posting! And even more glad you are going back to the program. Fyi, I go to AA even though my drug of choice is norco (hydrocodone.) Turns out, it covers all substances, and it becomes not about that and living life as it is, totally unfettered. I'm glad for you. Others will chime in, too. It's just been SO slow around here.
1 Comments
Thank you for checking in on me from time to time period it's comforting to know that there's at least one person listening. Hopefully I can document this experience so that in the future some other person in need can find it, like I found @BamaIndian on here a few weeks back. Thanks again friend
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