June, 2018 Roll Call

[motye51]

So, my name is Melissa and I am an addict.  I've been clean since Jan 1st, 2014!!!!!!  I withdrew at home and this site helped walk me through my withdrawals so I could make it through.  During my w/d I thought I was dying, but the people on this site told me that was I was going through was normal...just keep pushing myself.  It was a relief to know that this was just part of the process.  I wanted to quit, I wanted to take "drugs" to help lessen the w/d but the people on this site reminded me DAILY that that was a bad idea; and it was.  Today, I have a life that I never dreamed possible, my marriage is intact (which is a miracle), all of my children are in my life, all of my grandchildren are in my life, the IRS didn't come take my business (another BIG miracle)!!!!  I'm content today (most of the time) in my own skin.  I participate in a recovery program 3/4 times a week, I am of service to others and I sponsor women.

Today I am a functioning member of society...HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN!!!!  

Please post who you are and how long you've been clean.  What did you do to get and STAY clean?

Much Love to All,
Melissa B.

[Ben727]

I do not like green eggs and ham, I will not eat them, Ben I am. I’m in the neighborhood of six years clean. This site played an important role in my recovery once upon a time. Just knowing that there were all kinds of people out there who had the same problem with addiction made things more bearable. There was also value in people “witnessing” me as I navigated the road to freedom from addiction. After a year or so, I found coming on here all the time to be counterproductive. But I still like to check in from time to time. I think it’s good for the people who have been on this site helping people for many years to know when people they helped have stayed clean. So here you go, six years and counting. Gratitude, thanks and praise!

[asailorswife]

hello. almost ten years clean here. i used to be on this site for hours on end for a couple of years, but i fell off and lost interest due to feeling some of the members were a bit harsh. (just being honest, and that's what folks here love, right? so i would appreciate no negative kickback for stating my honest opinion; thanks) BUT i check in every now and then and read the site. i had one member, i hate this but i forget his name, but he told me to go outside, look at the sun and smile. that is exactly what i did on my worst days of WD and it surely got me through. i owe that man my life, even if we didn't speak on a regular basis.

i have no interest in ever taking a pain pill again. in fact, i am now scared to take any medications - even OTC ones. antibiotics, cold medications, you name it. scared of them all. i have things like this that will always stay with me because i felt exactly what putting chemicals into your bodies do to you - but i am willing to live with those irrational fears rather than taking something like percocet ever again.

[motye51]

Congratulations to you!

[KLB84]

My name is Kristi. I am 7 and a half weeks clean.  I got clean taking baby steps putting one foot in front of the other slowly but continually moving fwd. And refusing to go backward. Since I've only been clean a short while I don't feel like I have enough experience to talk about staying clean - however I was clean once before for six years- at that time I stayed clean by keeping accountability in my life and my faith and strength in God - when these two things began to fade/ weaken I failed.  The devil is like a sneaky roaring lion waiting for the perfect moment to attack. I let my guard down once before and that was my biggest mistake - thinking I was free from ever worrying about getting addicted again. I'm learning from my mistakes and taking one day at a time.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

Kristi, I am so very proud and excited for You !!  You have three HUGE things going for You as evidenced by what You say here.      #1 - You stayed clean for SIX years - that's BIG !!, very, very big !!      #2  - You know how You stayed clean ("keeping accountability, faith, and strength in God".     #3  - You know why You failed (You let Your guard down and Your faith and strength faded) and now You know You cannot do that.  You cannot EVER let Your guard down - You must ALWAYS take 'one day at a time'.   Take it by one hour at a time if You need to, even one minute at a time if ever You need to  do that.  Minutes count - every minute counts - You don't ever again want to lose Your minutes - as they  will become hours, and then days, and then years.   I Wish You Success - I Will Be Thinking Of You

[dominosarah]

TTinKKerBBell, I am so very sorry to read you lost your son.  I hope you have found some comfort and peace~

[TTinKKerBBell]

dominosarah, Thank You Very Much For Your Sentiment.  I hope that TrippyRicky 'gets it' from thisMother's point of view.   I hope He 'gets it' from all other advice He has had here.  Part of my Grief for my Son is anger that He would not 'choose' not to use while He had that opportunity.  Say what You will about addiction (and most certainly my Son was an addict !!) -  but I believe from the bottom of my heart that if He had known that He was going to be dead - if He had known that it was His beloved 15 year old Daughter who was the one who would find Him crumpled on the floor, with His mouth open and His eyes open, His skin purple and splotched, and with the needle still in His arm that He would  have CHOSEN recovery from addiction.  I believe He would have CHOSEN for His Daughter to have never seen Him that way.  ARE YOU STILL LISTENING, TRIPPYRICKY ?? !!  My Son spoke of His use of meth in the same arrogant way that You speak of Your own use

[dominosarah]

TrippyRicky,  I dont need to use big words to tell you what you are looking at if you continue on this path......Death.  Please stop with the excuses and get some help.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I responded to You below Your response to TrippyRicky and to me.  I'm just learning to use this new format and didn't know I could respond directly to You.  I hope You see my message below Your own message

[TrippyRicky37]

Ricky, 36, current almost daily IV methamphetamine user.  I have been trying to assimilate into the attitude of harm reduction and maintaining.   I accept my mistake in employing a neurotoxic antidepressant to alleviate the intractable states of consciousness I was developed to experience.  I accept the negative consequences of this neurotoxic compound.  I accept that its part of not just my life, but my internal being.  It is the only state of consciousness that is sometimes a nicer state of being than my inherently ill one.  Does this make sense?

[TTinKKerBBell]

TrippyRicky - Hear my words !!  One day You will just be dead - but no problem I suppose, since You "accept the negative consequences of this neurotoxic  compound" !!  Once upon a time I had a Son who was famous for saying "the trick is to use, not abuse" (compares hugely to Your plan to "assimilate into the attidtude of harm reduction and maintaining" but - low and behold, in spite of His 'insight' He is now dead.  He is VERY VERY dead.  I suspect that out there somewhere You have a Mother who one day may very well feel the anguish that I feel over the loss of my own Son.  The use of Your colorful verbatim here is totally meaningless.  One of the traits that stand out among users is their grandious ideas and their grandious verbage.  This I know is true

[motye51]

I feel your pain, and perhaps this is just what Ricky needed to be reminded of...addicts have only 3 choices...JAILS, INSTITUTIONS, AND DEATH!
Regretfully, this is a fact as you have experienced the worst consequence of all.
You are in my prayers.

[motye51]

I feel your pain, and perhaps this is just what Ricky needed to be reminded of...addicts have only 3 choices...JAILS, INSTITUTIONS, AND DEATH!
Regretfully, this is a fact as you have experienced the worst consequence of all.
You are in my prayers.

[motye51]

Ricky...
I pray you to will one day look back at that post and go DAMN WAS I HIGH AS **** when I wrote that. Maintenance and harm reduction are a facade. Getting clean and getting into recovery will allow your consciousness to be what you make it. Not the lesser of two evils!

[TTinKKerBBell]

motye51 - thank You for Your sensitive response to my message to TrippyRicky.  I only hope my  message 'reaches' TrippyRicky as I only speak in words and words remain a long way from the anguish in my heart - not only at the death of my Son but of the hopeless, helplessness I felt as I witnessed His deterioration from the use of IV methamphetamine before His death from overdose.  Someone loves TrippyRicky and someone is heartbroken at what He is doing.  You are absolutely right in saying that   "addicts have only 3 choices .....JAILS, INSTITUTIONS, AND DEATH! "   My Beautiful Blonde Baby Son experienced all three - jail 11 times, re-hab 3 times, death once !!   He was 40 years old when He died but He got 'turned on' to meth when He was only 12 years old by a "biker" uncle, who at the time was an 'adult' - an 'adult' who my young 12 year old Son thought was 'super cool'.  I HOPE YOU ARE STILL LISTENING, TRIPPYRICKY

[TrippyRicky37]

Well, the majority has spoken!  Sadly, the general viewpoint regarding us addicts is that somehow stupider than the majority at large.  Talk to me when y'all can counter my question regarding where my fellow (distant) human beings are aware of the reality addicts face.  Instead, the undereducated masses will retort, unsuccessfully, with Christian based spiritual recovery clichés that are somehow the regular speech at such cultist, cliquish clan meetings.  Sorry not sorry.  Stop copping out and stand with us that fight a battle only an addict can understand.  If you're seriously, I mean it very much seriously, if you're in total remission then good.  Face facts though sheeple.  Math don't lie.  It is an industry standard for methamphetamine close to 13 out of 15 methamphetamine abusers will, even after periods of remission (and long ones) will relapse into a pattern of meth abuse.  Use IV regularly and the real, raw truth is if you've managed to get under that spell then you'll understand what is really going on.  Until then all the hot air about recovery is invalid, and you shouldn't be so quick to chime in about a subject not even most addicts can wrap their heads around.  Recovery is typically miserable to a dry addict (assert your happiness in recovery, just not to me...I don't fall for it) who has been traumatized into believing it has anything more to it than conforming accepting the shame.  I know addiction.  Ain't a one of you in recovery that hasn't had that moment where you're crying in the shower aching for relief from an intolerable headspace by default.  How dare anybody pass any judgement on the tolerability of one's nature made baseline consciousness.  Long story short, y'all got y'all selves screwed up with defeating addiction.  Like cancer of physical cells that is malignant and terminal, addiction is a tool to treat soul cancer.  Malignant and terminal.  Get a clue and back the **** off addicts.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

Your vocabulary and Your lecture is totally useless on me.  I know and understand You more than You know - You are my Son - You just aren't dead yet.  Keep the attitude and You will join Him.  I know the recovery rate for methamphetamine - it's 6% - that translates to You having a 6% chance for recovery, Ricky - that's better than zero.   I am not, did not, pass judgement on You, Ricky.  I doubt Your addiction is worse than my Son's !! and I agree with You that for Him, and likely for You as well, it is "Malignant and Terminal".  BUT I'd bet You all that I have if He knew He was gonna' be dead and that it would be His 15 year old Daughter who found Him that way - I'll betcha', I'll just betcha' He'd have quit using.  She's 25 years old now and still has nightmares of finding Him lying on the bathroom floor with His mouth open, His eyes open and the needle still in His arm.  I hope someone who loves You doesn't get to see You that way

[jifmoc]

PS- To answer your question, Melissa, like one of ours members said a long time ago: anyone can GET clean, STAYING clean is another matter. For me, I still go to 4 to 5 meetings a week, participate, will be reworking the steps, and am HONEST. If life su cks, I don't pretend it isn't, ha!

[jifmoc]

Hi, guys, Jill here. This site was where I was told that I needed to get into aftercare following the usual opiate detox. Oh, wow, how I didn't want to listen. But, I did because my way wasn't working. In 18 days I will have 4 years clean. Absolutely unbelievable. I still struggle with irritability and productivity...BUT, I do not, want to go back to taking pills. Today, I'm free.

Hope to here from some others, even if it's one day!!!:)

So glad some of the old names are still on here.

[EG70]

Congrats on your sobriety! I love reading the winning stories!

[dominosarah]

I am sara, a 57 yr old recovering addict.  I have been clean 10 yrs. (4-28-08)  I found this place when i googled getting off dope.  The first post i saw here was by Addict3.  He has been a friend since day 1 and i owe him so much.   Happy 10 yrs Addict3!!!  I read and read and finally started asking questions and they told me i couldnt do this alone, i needed recovery care so that is what i did and still do.  I have a wonderful support system in place.

My family is all back together and i am so grateful as i gave them every reason to just walk away.  I got married almost 2 yrs ago to the best thing that ever happened to me.  I have 3 beautiful grandbabies that i love sooooooo much.

It is hard to put into words how incredible life is clean, even on the bad days~

[EG70]

You have always been an inspiration to this group! xoxo