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Avatar universal

Just about done

Im nearin the end of my life i can feel it. Ive been addicted to many drugs since i was 14, im 20 now and feel like an old man. In the morning i can barely breathe, move, comprehend simple things. In the last couple years i got addicted to painkillers, mainly percocet and oxycontin becuase vicodins dont do anything for me anymore. I dont know what to do, the other day I ate 9 concerta pills(Uppers, ADD meds) to just get a high, and it killed me just about I didnt sleep for two days and the whole time my chest was killing me and i could barely breathe. I know this stuff is going to kill me sooner or later, I do it in excess so i can make sure i get off fully. I dont want to, i have to. If this keeps up I give it a year tops ill make it. Ive been looking for Heroin but luckily cant find it around here. I dont know what to do, any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Scott
18 Responses
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Avatar universal
Hey, Im going through the same thing you are...

I broke my arm when I was 16, and I have been addicted to pain killers ever since and Im now 21. I have taken them just about every other day since then. Im having the same chest pains you are. I went to the doctor for my symptoms and Im now being treated for anxiety, they gave me xanax along with ibuprofen for the inflammation, and it seems to take the edge off...

try to get some help bro, i wasnt strong enough to do it myself. The only reason why Im not dead right now is because of my family. Dont wait until the last minute...you re a good person or else you wouldnt be asking us for help, but if you can ask strangers for help, ask your family or friends. They are the ones who can really get you help.

Let me know how things go, keep in touch. Good luck!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
oh man!!!  God is alive and can help you!  I am not going to preach, but WOW!!!!  He is awesome, and its not too late to become a Christian!!!  He works wonders and he created you, so, you are worth it!  Please get help and remember you are his creation and he loves you!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I did not read all the posts here, but I want you to remember that you are someones child.
You are important to someone in your circle of friends and family.
You are worth getting help and living to be a very old man who will have a wife and kids and then grandkids.  God did not put you here to die at 20.  I have 4 sons ages 18,20,21,22.  Some are mine, some are my husbands, 2 and 2 each.  If one of them would die on us because of drugs we would be devestated.  Losing children from something such as Cancer is out of our control, but drugs, that can be changed before it happens.  You have a mother I am sure who is not ready to bury her child.  If you can not do this for yourself at first, do it for her.  I know the loss of 2 children who died before their lives could even begin, the greif I suffered was horrible.  Find a way to get help, a  pastor, friends, your doctor...You are worth it.  When I was a child I heard a saying, it went like this..."God does'nt make junk", you are not junk!!! God bless you.
Here is the tough love, if you have money to buy your DOC, you have money for help.  Take you tax refund and take care of your self.  Check your countys help especially for mental help.  Part of me after reading more of your post wonders if you are so hell bent on  destroying yourself, why come here for help?
Helpful - 0
401786 tn?1309152034
Dude I'm not even sure what to say here.  I'm just gonna say what's goin' through my mind, right or wrong.  I mean well.  You are stating that you "know" you are going to go on benders, "know" you are going to die, etc., so there IS self-awareness here.  If you are aware of these things BEFORE they happen, why not make a plan or a firm decision not to LET them happen?  You may wind up livin' one of those so-called self-fulfilled prophecies otherwise.  You say you don't care if you die, but I think you're mainy feelin' like that because you feel like $hit and you're tired of it and don't know how to make it all stop.  I think you really DO want to live.  Otherwise, you wouldn't be askin' for help....and I'm glad you ARE here askin' for it.  I agree with theeagle that your drug usage is merely a symptom of a much larger problem.  Do you have any idea what it is?  I know you speak of no job, or woman, etc., but you can't have those things doin' all the drugs, so it's a viscious cycle.  You live with your parents, why not confide in them about your problem?  They ARE your parents.  AS your parents, they DO love you.  They may not be thrilled with every decision you've made in your life, but they DO love you.  I'd think that they see that there's something wrong...that they see that you're not happy, and that you've changed somehow, even if they're not sure why.  I don't know what kind of parents you have, or what your relationship with them is, but could it really hurt to go to them and ask them for help?  If you really can't, is there anyone in your life that you ARE close with, an adult who COULD help?  You DON'T deserve anything that happens to you as a result of this dude.  I'm sure you didn't set out to become addicted.  True, everyone knows there's a possibility of it happening, but I think when push comes to shove, no one thinks it's gonna happen to THEM.  You have a problem.  You think because you have a problem you should be punished?  I think you're punishing yourself enough man.  You need to cut yourself some slack and know that addiction hits people of every socioeconomic, racial, age group.  You have your whole life ahead of you.  I know you hear that said alot, but it's true, you can look back on this point someday and say, "Man am I glad I stopped when I did."  It isn't easy to quit, but it can be done.  You need support.  You will find some here, but I encourage you to confide in your family too.  I think you really need to once and for all, make the decision that enough is enough and that you need to get your life back on track right now, and get help.  Do you have a doctor?  If you do, you might want to consider going to him or her and asking for help.  I know that's hard to do, but you need help before you DO wind up overdosing or dying from some harm you'll do to your body from something you take...like those uppers.  Your body can only take so much...same as your head....I'm not sure why you think you deserve the misery that you're in, but I'm fairly certain that there's nothing you could say to anyone here that would make them agree with you.  Please think really hard about this.  Don't fall victim to negative, hopeless thoughts.  There IS hope.  There are lots of people here who've overcome their addictions.  If nothing else, please stay here and read and post and gain inspiration and strength from some of them, okay?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
No offense, but I am an Atheist, and do not beleive in god or religion, so that doesnt scare me to think God will be mad at me for destroying his "Gift". Last night was more painkillers and blow, about an hour or two between the two of them. Im gettin my taxes soon and my hookups are two of my best friends who live with eachother, so im almost 100% sure im going to go on a Cocaine bender. I dont know what I want to do, I could honestly care less if I die cuz it seems like i have nothing to live for. No job, no family support, no woman, no kids to fall back on. Im 20 years old and still live with my parents who i can tell arent proud of me at all, and i dont blame them. I deserve everything i get and if I die because of this ****, so be it. Even the thought of quitting makes me puke, one day without and i can barely breathe, speak, urinate, eat. i feel like i dug my hole way to deep and cant get out. thanks again guys, i appreciate it
Helpful - 0
210982 tn?1280983895
Heres a little tough love...you don't HAVE to take the pills, you just want to because you don't want to go through w/ds. Like others have said you sound as if you have already given up and if you have then you are right, you will die, sooner than later. You say this isn't what you want, but no one is holding a gun to your head telling you to do this. Doing drugs is easy, fighting for your life is hard...what are you going to choose? No one on here can make you feel good about who you are...if you don't believe it then it won't matter...I believe that everyone is a gift from God and your life is a gift...so far you are just stomping on your gift, but you can change that...you can make better decisions, you can give up the drugs and go to rehab. We are all here for you, but we can't want it more than you...so what are you gonna do???
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Theres been alot of different drugs over the years, lots of blow, hallucinogens, uppers, downers, alcohol. I normally go 1-2 days a week tops without the stuff, and those days are the worst days thats when the heavy breathing, sickness, headaches, irratability, hopelessness kicks in. Ive been thinking hard on gettin put on Sub Oxodone, but I do not have insurace and cant afford it because i assume its not a free program.(in this country anyways). Thanks for your support all of you, i appreciate it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey scobizzle
Welcome to the forum.. My name is lesa... I'm an ex junkie/ tweeker.. You are right the stuff will kill you sooner or later.. only way to beat that one is to stop.. I agree with eagle.. There is a reason for self destructive behavior.. I hope you find someone someplace you can trust to talk it through and get some perspective.. What I did too my kidneys and liver is irreversible.. what I did too my mind.. who the F knows.. But I do know I'm grateful I stopped or I would not of added two son's to my life nor would I bee looking forward to my 28th wedding.ann... You are young like I was. You have much you can do with your life.. remember when you were a kid and you were able to laugh and run.. life is like that off drugs.. you can laugh and run again..The only thing you will find in the high you are looking for is.. your master and keeper.. may the good spirits protect you on your journey... lesa
Helpful - 0
654560 tn?1331854581
Do you live alone? Does anyone else know about your addiction? Is there a crisis center close by. If left to your own will power I don't know that you are strong enough to kick. I would suggest medical help   because of the amount you are using. If you get a chance or  are able  go read my journal " when at the end of the road" There is help for anyone who wants it or needs it. You called out for help by posting on this site......now let us help you. Your addiction is no worse than the people who have come b-4 you. And they have de-toxed and staying clean.......Stay in touch..we really do care about you
Helpful - 0
679575 tn?1245115450
It almost sounds like you don't even want to live anymore.  I really hope that isn't the case.  Get some help from anywhere possible.  whether it is on here or call someone.  Every life is worth living.  There are so many people dying out there that don't have anything to do with drugs.  They would do anything to stay alive and here you are in what seems like an attempt to end yours.  Please don't let it be that way.  Keep talking to people here they will help they have helped so many.  This just makes me so sad.  Everybody's life have value just search deep down and find yours.  Just please get help
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Dude - - its not just a drug problem ..... the drug problem is a symptom - and sub isnt the answer for that one. Nor is methadone. You are doing a poly-drug system. Doesnt matter if if its an opiate or an upper - - you want the high so badly you risk overdose to reach it.......I understand you better than you may think.  They call it "self destructive behavior" -  -  some of mine goes back to Vietnam and "survivors syndrome" - - then choices of hobbies (skydiving, racing..) - - - - lot of stuff along those lines.  You need an impartial ear to listen to your story and maybe help you see.......best of luck to you....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i would try getting into a detox and then rehab before trying suboxone.your to young to have liquid handcuffs on.do you have a doctor.have you ever tried tapering in the past.keep talking to us,we will help you get through this
Helpful - 0
372880 tn?1332879487
Hey there
I'll have to say I think if you were given suboxone right now you would likely abuse it.... There is no magic way to get better pill or otherwise...IMO sounds like you could benefit from talking to a specialist or maybe inpt detox? @ 20 your body is still changing studies are showing that neurological changes occur until 25...What I'm saying is ur body is still evolving!! Get help now. If you find heroin you'll probably be right about dying....Choose the other road you have a long life ahead of you. Make the change! Good luck!
Helpful - 0
230262 tn?1316645934
you are still so young, be glad you have that on your side. you do not have to die yet, you can stop that. Your body will heal if you stop!!! Please, do whatever you have to in order to stop. can you get to an inpatient detox/rehab? what about suboxone? i dont usually recommend that right out the gate but in certain cases i can see it may be the only way out. if youre lookin for heorin, your lookin for a loaded gun. dont do it. im so glad you havent found any "yet".  please, please get help now before it is too late. You have your whole entire life ahead of you yet. Dont be just another tragic story, a statistic. It doesnt have to be that way but you have to do it yourself!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes, you're very young, got a long, wonderful life ahead of you. Get on suboxone right away.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
fyi: wanna get off the pills, suboxin!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
was pain killers your only problem? or were there ither drugs?
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Why do you feel like you have to take the pills??  How many pain pills do you take a day?  This is not hopeless.  You can get your life back.  You dont have to live like this anymore......tell us alittle more about what you are doing........sara
Helpful - 0
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