Just need some encouragement.

[Goblin666]

Hey Everyone,

I am currently in withdrawal from Norco 10/325 and tramadol 50mg but with a prior history of very heavy opiate use.  Been on norcs/trams about 2 years for lower back disc and spondylolisthesis.  I was taking 100 norcos and 180 trams a month.  I weaned 10/05 to 10/06 and jumped off Monday.  I do not have anything left which is why I weaned so fast. Tuesday (yesterday) I found one Norco under my car seat and took it which made me feel better.

About 6 years ago I was heavily addicted to IV Morphine, Dilaudid, benzo's and went to treatment for 4 months after a horrible withdrawal.  I Stopped cold turkey as my supply all but disappeared.  I knew I needed help.  I was up/awake for 9 days straight with all the WD symptoms.  It was absolutely awful.  

I consider myself in recovery and I began to see behaviors in my current pill use that where concerning and I began questioning how "sober-acting" I was on this stuff.  I have legitimate back issues but I think I am way past where I wanted to go with the pills.  I am getting anxious knowing when I am close to running out, counting pills, etc...

Anyway, hoping that my back holds up and I can get off and stay off of this stuff.

My current withdrawals are NOTHING near where they were 6 years ago but this is still very hard.  I wonder if my symptoms are exaggerated this time due to the "muscle memory" from my historical use?

I have some leg pain, stomach cramping, fatigue, very emotional, etc...

I am taking some Imodium, L-tyrosine, advil which helps.  I talked to my 12 step sponsor last night and got real honest with my girlfriend.

Thanks for listening everyone.  Just looking for some love/experience/hope...

Be well :)

[mommymarieme]

You have come so far please cancel the script! Keep yourself busy and the energy will come back. Going on the bike was great keep pushing yourself a little more each day ok? It will get better just give it some time. We have to give our body and brain time to balance out. Please dont get the script it will start you all over and you are really doing good. :)

[Goblin666]

Hey all,

Nice to get a bit of exercise but it did confirm how weak and fatigued I feel.  It is tough and crazy I feel so fatigued like this.  This is what makes me want to get more trams but I know that in a few weeks, at the longest, my energy levels will be so much more improved.  Met up with a friend this morning and went to a meeting.  Met some guys yesterday that were a going through this too and helped to talk to them.  I still have a refill "available" at CVS which would be available tomorrow.  Part of me thinks that it would be a good idea to get it, wean a little bit better and get through this "easier".  But if my old patterns tell me anything it is that this is a bad idea... every time I told myself I was going to do this I would end up right back where I was.  My back is holding up so really no reason to get this than to feed the addiction, and lessen the W/D. Thanks everyone.  When will I get my energy back?

[mommymarieme]

Your doing great goblin!! The fatigue and depression are the worst! Exercise will definately help! So glad you got some sleep :) let us know how you are doing when u get back

[Goblin666]

Hey guys,

Had a good night.  Fatigue and depression is starting to set in which is the worst part of this today at this moment.  I am going to get my *** out of my house, get on my bicycle, and go ride to meet some friends at an AA meeting.  I'm sleeping OK which is a miracle and helping so much.  This will be my first attempt at exercising.  I'll keep you posted how it goes, hoping to get a mood boost.  Thanks Everyone.

[Goblin666]

Hey Addict...

AA/NA meetings.  Just ask someone.  They will be more than happy to do this is they themselves are in a right spot.  Good luck

[Addict_inRecovery]

Does anyone know how to get a sponsor

[WalkTall]

Opiate withdrawals are awful, but detox at home is very do-able, if you have the right plan, and enough determination.  The withdrawals won't kill ya, but going back to heavy opiate use will.

At some point in time, you've got to put enough distance between yourself and your supply.  Then you've got to be ready to do anything and everything to choose sobriety over getting high. Ultimately, we all get blindsided by cravings and weak moments.  Your measure of success depends on how you handle those situations.

We can help you with pointers and tips through your detox, but more importantly, make sure you've got a long-term plan to deal with your underling health issues and addiction so you don't have to endure another brutal detox sooner or later.

Stay strong, my friend.  You can do this!

[vicki595]

Yes, staying off is the best thing and cutting your sources is another...that refill needs to get cancelled by you ASAP.  So, you can't say you weren't warned...Good luck!

[Goblin666]

Hi all!  Didn't pick anything up.  Went to get a massage today which felt great.   More pain again today....  every time I think I'm over a symptom it reappears.  5 days no trams and 3 days no norcs.  Im just mainly fatigued today which is almost the hardest and why I have always gone back cuz im a super active guy and hate feeling like a slug BUT I know in my heart staying off this is the way to go long term.  Hanging with some good friends this afternoon.   Thanks guys.

[EvolverU]

Hi! I'm glad to hear that it's easing up a bit for you!! The thing is, as you know, if you refill the Trams, - (& Vicki595 makes a good point about calling CVS) - you'll be going backwards & will have to repeat all of this suffering. Why not take that leap & simply cut it off. You're already doing it, right? (I mean you've been on nothing at all.) Keep up the great work & don't let your 'habit'/mind trick you!!

[vicki595]

So...are you out picking up that refill?   I can understand but let us help you to help yourself...

[mommymarieme]

Yes I would cancel the script! You have made it so far and you do not need to go back!! You have done so good this far we are rooting for you!

[Goblin666]

I did tell one of my docs I was coming off and updated my med list to have them removed.  Guess there is some fear I am trying to walk through with completely being honest with my doc and some relief, although false, in knowing I have a script waiting.  This is honesty with what my thoughts have been and I know what is the next right action... just scared.

[vicki595]

Did you call and cancel that refill at CVS?  You need to do that because you WILL pick it up in five days...that voice will just beat you down...So, cut that tie and good luck with this!  Getting out with some friends is a great idea for tonight!

[clean_in_ks]

I guess what confused me is that up above as you were describing how you are doing today you said you called CVS and had a Tram script you could get in 5 days

[Goblin666]

I had them removed off my med list on Tuesday and told my doc what I was doing.   I see my doc again in a couple weeks.  Good point...trying to walk through that perceived fear...

[clean_in_ks]

How bout cancelling ALL your scripts for Norco and/or Trams and telling your doctor?  You don't need a back up plan if you are truly done~

[Goblin666]

Oh and it has been 4 days no trams and 2 days no norcs... want to keep counting

[Goblin666]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone.  My physical symptoms have resided quite a bit today.  I called off work today and will do tomorrow as well.  Laying around just doing nothing was a big help and so less stressful than trying to have to fake it at work.  Ugh..  I am getting a bit squirrely and actually called CVS to find out when I could get another refill of trams... not for another 5 days (thank GOD)....what the ****... a very weak moment and I am embarrassed to admit it.  I am going to get out of the house for a bit and hit a meeting and meet up with some sober friends.  I know deep down in my heart that I need to be successful with this but it crazy how my mind can just talk me into calling CVS...like its the best idea I have ever had in my life!  My leg pain is almost all gone today... super grateful for that.  A little restless aching legs last night but I got through it.  I love you guys.  Thanks for listening....  oh and super emotional...and I almost feel like I am high on something since not being on anything is such a different feeling for me... Ugh need some love.

[EvolverU]

Sorry, The Thomas Recipe is in the bottom right hand corner (laughing -- what am I like?)

[EvolverU]

Hey there & Welcome! Congratulations on your Big Decision & on taking the leap.

I hear you on the terrible w/d's coming off your 'hardcore' habit. (Benzos in the mix is just icing, eh?)

Have you checked out the 'Thomas Recipe'? If not it's in the bottom left-hand corner of this page. Sounds like you've already got the idea, though. I'll tell ya', what really carried me through was this site, music w/ headphones & as many hot salt baths as necessary. If you're lucky enough to have someone around you who'll do it, massage & reflexology after said baths really help.

It's awesome that you've had a heart to heart w/ your girlfriend. I hope that that went well & that she's supportive. We have a 'living w/ an Addict' forum here if she'd like to join.

Please, just keep posting whenever you feel on edge, alone (Which YOU ARE NOT!!) or want to talk. There are many wonderful folks here who'll be honored to share w/& support you through this & beyond. You're doing Great. Hold Fast, my friend! We're here & we're pulling for you.

[clean_in_ks]

Welcome to the forum!  Many, many of us on this forum became addicted to our pain meds due to legit medical conditions.  Many of us still live with pain...but have chosen to do so without being in bondage to opioids.  You can do this, too.  You will need to tell your dr about your addiction and cut off any sources or your head will "know" you can get some in the future.  It's really great that you are already talking to a sponsor and have been honest with your girlfriend.  You're almost loaded for bear now....LOL

Your "wean" you described above sounds even funnier than mine...lol  I hadn't found this forum until I was 55 days clean.  I called going down from 30 pills to 10 pills in 2 weeks "weaning"...LOL  A proper taper/wean plan is slow and gradual.  I didn't know that then....but if you were taking 3+ Norcos and 6 Trams a day and cut back for two days and jumped off....you didn't really "wean" either.  It's GREAT that you are committed to doing this.

Just wanted to share, that INITIALLY, you will more than likely have "rebound pain"....your pain (particularly in your back and gut) will actually increase.  That's because we have opioid pain receptors all up and down our spines, in our brains, our GI tracts, and even our endocrine glands are saturated with opioids.  It takes TIME (the gag word) to re-regulate.  Just hang on....cause the initial pain in w/drawal won't remain the same.  I PROMISE!!  There is also a condition called "opiate induced hyperalgesia"....and that causes us to hurt more while taking pills than we will once we get our bodies/brains back to a non-opiate state.

We'll be here to encourage you....you'll do great......welcome aboard!

[ActingBrandNew]

Hey friend. Just offering some support here. I did the IV Morphine and Dilaudid before and those withdrawals were ugly. Ive kicked heroin before too...withdrawals not as bad. Anyways, that's great you decided to stop. From hanging around this forum for a while...Ive noticed those kicking trams have a more difficult time. Maybe its because of the anti depressant in it...dont know. But all the same, you will get through it. I cant imagine it being harder than coming off the IV Dilauidid though. It sounds like you have a solid plan. Just wanted to say good job and I hope you stick around.

[Goblin666]

Thanks Heather8448!  This fatigue and general lack of well-being is the toughest.  I know it will get better and have to keep this in mind when I get weak.  Best...