Kicking a Terrible Habit...Need Help

[SmokeyMcDude]

   I smoked my last balloon at 4A.M. last night. I was doing about 3 a day for 5 months. I saw a doctor today and unfortunately, she was not very sympathetic to my situation. (I do live in Utah and most citizens, let alone MD's are Mormon so I wasn't expecting much of anything.) I have all the workings for the Thomas Recipe, Librium and 1 Xanax pill (from earlier scripts), Mineral Suppliments, Fish Oil, L-Tyrosine, B-6 and even some Melatonin to help me sleep. (which I doubt I will) I am feeling totally and utterly drained and my entire body aches, I have another balloon but I really don't want to get into it. I am literally inches away from the toilet trying to drop it in.
   Anyway, I was never an addict of anything before I had hand surgery about 7 months ago. I would describe myself as having a hippie mentallity (weed, beer, LSD and mushrooms are all ok) but when I got a Vallium script I was introduced to a world I'd never experienced before (and wish I hadn't) Needless to say the Vallium didn't last long and heroin is becoming ever popular in my state and also easier to get a hold of. For 10$ a balloon I thought I could spend everyday getting peeled back with no problem. WRONG! I felt like I was slowly slipping away and I couldn't get a grip on my life anymore, I haven't lost my job (yet) and just want to get back to my old life-loving self. I have lined up many trips and festivals this summer and don't want to be dependent on smack to have fun at Telluride. (which is more fun that this brown **** anyway.)
Basically I have some questions:
-Does booze help the withdrawal symptoms? I never had a problem with alcohol as I have a very sensitive stomach but would a couple of beers calm me down? I would think that and Librium would be a recipe for sleep but I don't want to over do it.
-Also does weed help at all? I have a nice bong and a satchel to burn through but I don't want to exacerbate my symptoms.
-When should I take my Xanax? After 2 days or on the 2nd day? Basically when is going to be the worst because it's really bad right now and I don't know how it could get worse.
Any secrets that the Thomas recipe hasn't told me would be greatly appreciated, I'm getting really down on myself and considered shooting a lethal dose rather than going through this hell on more than one occasion. Any help would be appreciated.

[SmokeyMcDude]

I actually got outside today. My girlfriend and I bought me some new (much needed) shoes and I got a haircut. The haircut sucked because the lady kept trying to small talk me but I just felt terrible and wasn't in the mood to chat. But I feel good that I could get out of the house.

[cathy5841]

hey, you know me by now. lol  i am just checking up on you.  the real flu is really going around right now and it seems you may have caught it.  i hope you get better real soon.  the w/ds are bad enough by them selves.  let me know how you are when you get a chance.
many prayers]cathy

[newmanagment]

smokey, sounds like ya are sick on top of the w/d's. that sux bro... but dont be down, just remember that you are gettin clean, and your body will in time learn to fight sickness without the dope. dont be back sliding , you sure dont want to have to go thru this hell again!! stay strong and focused, and keep that chin up bro, your gonna be seeing the end of that tunnel real soon, and if ya need to chat to keep your spirits up send me a message. much love

[SmokeyMcDude]

Update for today: I woke up today feeling a little better from the WD's but my sickness has taken a turn for the worse. I couldn't even open my eye in the morning because it was filled with gunk (gross sorry). Nose congestion, achy body, my throat is unbelievably sore and I have a cough that keeps irritating it as well. All these are multiplied my the fact that I don't have heroin in my body to fight these pains. I feel like this would be a "one day of work" kind of sickness but the WD's are making it a crippling one. I'm feeling really weak today but I'm glad that I called my dealer and told him never to speak with me again, otherwise I think I'd have called him today or even yesterday. At least I have my kittys to keep me company, they are really affectionate and I think it helps to have a furry thing to hold on to when my girlfriend is out. (I have a picture of them in my profile.)
Anyway, I will try to keep me head up but I'm getting pretty down on myself today.  

[Peaches5036]

Hi,
Have you considered re-hab?

I would highly reccommend going to NA, Narcotics Anonymous,In fact I think it's essential.

First of all you will meet others who UNDERSTAND YOUR PROBLEM PERSONALLY.
Get a sponsor ASAP, someone who has succesfully recovered from drug addiction and can give you 24/7 support. Go to alot of meetings, every day if possible. if you used every day, you can go to meetings EVERY DAY. DRUG ADDICTION IS A DISEASE OF SPIRIT, BODY, MIND.

Having a peer support group, is essential. Doctors can help, but they are not addicts, ( some of them are, I know several who are in my recovery group as well as lots of nurses).

I am a recovery alcoholice/pot head. Tried a few other drugs as well over the years. I got into recovery in my 50s, after a life of  PROGRESSIVE ALCOHOL/POT  USE.

Alcohol is a drug too. A very powerful drug. Legal, but insidious. All drugs are cunning, bafflling and powerful. They take over your life and lead to MORE.

WE HAVE MANY YOUNG PEOPLE IN OUR RECOVERY GROUP AA/NA .
MOST OF USE ARE CROSS ADDICTED, (ALCOHOL AND DRUGS).

You can get help today. You don't need to sink into the ever increasing hell worlds of depravity. I hear some extremely sad stories of what people do to get their drugs. Crime, prostitution and worse. I hear stories of young men and women who will and have done anything to get high.

Remember it is PROGRESSIVE. Most of us start out as nice kids., chasing bliss, looking to feel good. Many of us have mental and emotional problems which are painful and we seek a release, using drugs and alcohol as a SOLUTION.

Through the grace of God and AA, I have been alcohol/drug free for almost 6 years now.  I've seen so many people die of this disease of addiction.My darling husband died from this disease. not pretty, tragic for sure. he was a wonderful man. Young and old. It doesn't discriminate. We started young, never anticipating how bad it could get.

Some of us do need mental helth meds and other medical support. Even in this area, we need to be careful .

PLEASE CALL UP YOUR LOCAL AA/NA GROUP TODAY. LIKE RIGHT NOW.

My daughter was an active  alcoholicic /addict. she got clean and sober , at the age of 25, about 6 months before I got into AA. It was a miracle. She too tried several suicide attempts, during her teenage years. She is a wonderful person now, a loving wife and mother, went back to school, has good jobs and is very happy. She is a miracle.

EXPECT A MIRACLE. YOU ARE A PRECIOUS CHILD OF GOD WORTHY OF RECOVERY.

PLEASE CALL A LOCAL AA/NA GROUP TODAY.

Much love , may God bless you, PLEASE KEEP ME POSTED.

Peaches

[J7__NYC]

Smokey, you're the man buddy. I haven't posted on your forum here yet, but I've been following along the whole time.  It's funny how how helpful this whole site is here- you don't even know I exist but thru these postings you (and others) may have saved my life.  I'm on on day 5 c/t from oxys and was scared ******** of what was happening to me.  It sounds like ima day or so a head of you so I can tell you that today is the FIRST day i'm starting to feel better, signifgantly better.  It's my brother's bday so I have to go out to meet him, and my parents tongiht for a dinner.  I'm not crazy about the idea (for other reasons) but I'm infinately grateful that I'm not worried about making sure I have a couple pills for this event, or worrying how low my supply was and purposely w/d all day and crushing up my last pill before dinner.....basically- I feel slightly alive again today, not an F'n slave to some bs pill/drug.  you're there man, just keep pushing.  I'm talking like i have 3 years clean, lol, i'm still w/d and could be back tomorrow chasing pills..but im sayin it feels great to feel human again and I' know you'll make it man.  Keep your chin up. I'll check in with you later on today when get home.  

Jc7