Kicking a Terrible Habit...Need Help

[SmokeyMcDude]

   I smoked my last balloon at 4A.M. last night. I was doing about 3 a day for 5 months. I saw a doctor today and unfortunately, she was not very sympathetic to my situation. (I do live in Utah and most citizens, let alone MD's are Mormon so I wasn't expecting much of anything.) I have all the workings for the Thomas Recipe, Librium and 1 Xanax pill (from earlier scripts), Mineral Suppliments, Fish Oil, L-Tyrosine, B-6 and even some Melatonin to help me sleep. (which I doubt I will) I am feeling totally and utterly drained and my entire body aches, I have another balloon but I really don't want to get into it. I am literally inches away from the toilet trying to drop it in.
   Anyway, I was never an addict of anything before I had hand surgery about 7 months ago. I would describe myself as having a hippie mentallity (weed, beer, LSD and mushrooms are all ok) but when I got a Vallium script I was introduced to a world I'd never experienced before (and wish I hadn't) Needless to say the Vallium didn't last long and heroin is becoming ever popular in my state and also easier to get a hold of. For 10$ a balloon I thought I could spend everyday getting peeled back with no problem. WRONG! I felt like I was slowly slipping away and I couldn't get a grip on my life anymore, I haven't lost my job (yet) and just want to get back to my old life-loving self. I have lined up many trips and festivals this summer and don't want to be dependent on smack to have fun at Telluride. (which is more fun that this brown **** anyway.)
Basically I have some questions:
-Does booze help the withdrawal symptoms? I never had a problem with alcohol as I have a very sensitive stomach but would a couple of beers calm me down? I would think that and Librium would be a recipe for sleep but I don't want to over do it.
-Also does weed help at all? I have a nice bong and a satchel to burn through but I don't want to exacerbate my symptoms.
-When should I take my Xanax? After 2 days or on the 2nd day? Basically when is going to be the worst because it's really bad right now and I don't know how it could get worse.
Any secrets that the Thomas recipe hasn't told me would be greatly appreciated, I'm getting really down on myself and considered shooting a lethal dose rather than going through this hell on more than one occasion. Any help would be appreciated.

[bmc1976]

Hope you're feeling much better today. Things should start looking up very soon. Just keep going strong. You're doing great. What I always told myself while going through withdrawals and craving a pill was that I wasn't gonna let these past few days go to waste because I know one day I'll have to go through it again. Just keep the strong mindset that you have and push on. You can do this!
brian

[cathy5841]

whheww, i was beginning to think i lost you. lol  hang in there you are about to see th \e light.  i am really proud of you for hanging on.  you are doing a great job, i know it aint easy but you are doing it.  when you get up let me know how you are,
many prayers
cathy

[SmokeyMcDude]

Sorry it's been so long, today was absolutely wretched. I have a terrible sore throat and a bad cough along with the peak of my withdrawal symptoms. Ugh... But I hear it's only going to be better tomorrow though so I can definately see the glimmer of a tiny light at the end of this deep dark tunnel. I took that Xanax pill that I had tonight so hopefully that calms me down a bit. I can't express how grateful I am for all your support (everyone) and I really think I'd be chasing the dragon if I didn't have someone to tell me to keep on truckin'.
To wait2long: I have an appointment on Monday to discuss Detox but I think I'll be much better by then, I hope I will. I think she's going to recommend some counseling or meetings which I am definately not opposed to. My work has been extremely understanding as well and I'm grateful that they let me take a week off. (for the "flu") I can honestly say that things are beginning to look better. Even though tonight is the worst I have felt....ever.....in my entire life. It will be easier on me tomorrow. Plus my girlfriend is here to rub my back. It almost puts me to tears to see that so many people care about someone struggling. Thank you again. I will post an update tomorrow.

[wait2long]

i hope you succeed and get past the withdrawals, but remember getting clean can be easy compared to staying that way, this is where the hartd work comes in...and i agree with gobig...sub is not trading addictions nor is it the devil...it is a lifesaver for a lot of people...its also one of the safest drugs around...withdrawals are not as bad as everyone says, i have heard of plenty of success stories from people who were on long term suboxone treatment... you could also use it for short term...
but i would keep this in the back of your mind, sub is sure better than having a relapse and going back to H...
so stay strong and keep plugging away!!!

[cathy5841]

smokey. talk to me.  let me know how you are.  i will check again soon
cathy

[cathy5841]

hey smokey, how you holdin up babe,  let me know how you are.
cathy
hey jaxx, scroll up and you will find a post i copied and pasted for him from a heroin site.  he is doing great and nearly has this beat.  he will need to find some after care to stay clean...we will talk about that in a few days lol