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Kuckma Update
I know you have not heard from me for a while now,
everything is going crazy......EVERYTHING!
I am mentally so so tired! The whole using thing is going "OK". I am taking one pill of Norco a day right now.
Just to taper off right now and it is really going fine. I do not need it anymore.
Here is what is happening right now...I know it is not a part of this Forum for people to just share there personal "crap"
but I need to talk to someone about this. Since I can not talk to my friends about it cause I am too embarrassed and I do not talk at work about personal things.
This is guna be long so Im warning you....
After the whole thing with loosing the baby, I was really getting it back together last weekend, and letting it go.
I cried so much over it, and decided that it was time to move on. So I was really doing ok again...
Then his happend.....
I have to explain a few things before hand so you understand the whole thing.
Eric (my hubby) was married before, they had a son together, he is nine now, is name is Nate.
I love him like my own, so since he decided to live with his mom this year he is with us (Eric and my kids) every weekend.
I found out not to long ago that Erics ex wife is on Crack and that scared the hell out of me because I never knew anyone who did hard drugs like that. Since I found out I been trying to find a way to get her son back to live with us.
Three month ago she lost her apartment and moved into a trailer in the woods without electricity or water.
Her son stayed with grandma cause he wanted to finish this school year in the same school.
Nates mom sold everything, I bought Nate a TV, Playstation, DS, Ipod, and all kinds of games for the PS. She sold it all.
So yesterday me, Nate and Eric went over to the trash trailer to retrieve the things that belong to Nate and she had not sold yet. I called her before hand to let her know we are coming..
I was so appalled by the way she is living the entire trailer is surrounded by trash, the windows are nailed shut. and it smells like a dump.
I was gagging walking up there.....
I wanted Nate to wait in the truck but I was too scared something would happen to him, waiting alone in the truck.
So I knocked on the door, and immediately she starts yelling "who the hell is it" "what the hell do you want".
I was yelling though the door that I am getting Nates stuff.
The door opens and the playstation is flying out. Eric steps to the side to pick it up and his Exwifes BF runs out with a Baseball bat and hits Eric over the head with it. Eric falls to the ground and passes out, I was so in shock I did not know what to do. I pushed her BF out of the way to check on Eric and his Ex starts hitting me with her fist.
I dont know why, but for some reason I kicked her as had as I could into her crotch that she fell over.
By that time Eric woke up and bulldozed her BF ( Eric is 6'2" and weighs 250 pounds). He beat the crap out of her BF I had to stop him or he would have killed him.
Me and Nate ran to the truck and locked the doors and called 911. Then his mother comes running up to the truck takes a rock and tries to bash in the windshield, while she is yelling, "you *******, if you love your daddy and that ***** more than me stay the **** out of my live" Eric pushed her aside, got into the truck and we drove to the police station.
We are all three ok, Eric has a shiner and a big goose egg on his head.
His Ex-wife is is Jail for 4th degree assault and her BF for 2nd degree assault with a deadly weapon.
Even that we are all ok, I cant stop crying, it is so in bedded in my mind.
I went to work today, every time I had a minute to myself I had to go in a quiet corner and cry. Not to mention about my break, I spent all 20 min crying.
Why can I not let it go? She is in jail so is he, Eric and Nate are fine, we are pressing charges and our Lawyer is helping us to sue them both.
Can you please help me to get over this? I never seen violence like this before, or socialized with crack addicts.Is it the crack that made her do that?
Am I still scared? What is the problem I just want to get over this.
Thank you so so much! For your help!
I am so glad that all of you are in my life, and I can share that with you without feeling shame!
Thank you so much!
everything is going crazy......EVERYTHING!
I am mentally so so tired! The whole using thing is going "OK". I am taking one pill of Norco a day right now.
Just to taper off right now and it is really going fine. I do not need it anymore.
Here is what is happening right now...I know it is not a part of this Forum for people to just share there personal "crap"
but I need to talk to someone about this. Since I can not talk to my friends about it cause I am too embarrassed and I do not talk at work about personal things.
This is guna be long so Im warning you....
After the whole thing with loosing the baby, I was really getting it back together last weekend, and letting it go.
I cried so much over it, and decided that it was time to move on. So I was really doing ok again...
Then his happend.....
I have to explain a few things before hand so you understand the whole thing.
Eric (my hubby) was married before, they had a son together, he is nine now, is name is Nate.
I love him like my own, so since he decided to live with his mom this year he is with us (Eric and my kids) every weekend.
I found out not to long ago that Erics ex wife is on Crack and that scared the hell out of me because I never knew anyone who did hard drugs like that. Since I found out I been trying to find a way to get her son back to live with us.
Three month ago she lost her apartment and moved into a trailer in the woods without electricity or water.
Her son stayed with grandma cause he wanted to finish this school year in the same school.
Nates mom sold everything, I bought Nate a TV, Playstation, DS, Ipod, and all kinds of games for the PS. She sold it all.
So yesterday me, Nate and Eric went over to the trash trailer to retrieve the things that belong to Nate and she had not sold yet. I called her before hand to let her know we are coming..
I was so appalled by the way she is living the entire trailer is surrounded by trash, the windows are nailed shut. and it smells like a dump.
I was gagging walking up there.....
I wanted Nate to wait in the truck but I was too scared something would happen to him, waiting alone in the truck.
So I knocked on the door, and immediately she starts yelling "who the hell is it" "what the hell do you want".
I was yelling though the door that I am getting Nates stuff.
The door opens and the playstation is flying out. Eric steps to the side to pick it up and his Exwifes BF runs out with a Baseball bat and hits Eric over the head with it. Eric falls to the ground and passes out, I was so in shock I did not know what to do. I pushed her BF out of the way to check on Eric and his Ex starts hitting me with her fist.
I dont know why, but for some reason I kicked her as had as I could into her crotch that she fell over.
By that time Eric woke up and bulldozed her BF ( Eric is 6'2" and weighs 250 pounds). He beat the crap out of her BF I had to stop him or he would have killed him.
Me and Nate ran to the truck and locked the doors and called 911. Then his mother comes running up to the truck takes a rock and tries to bash in the windshield, while she is yelling, "you *******, if you love your daddy and that ***** more than me stay the **** out of my live" Eric pushed her aside, got into the truck and we drove to the police station.
We are all three ok, Eric has a shiner and a big goose egg on his head.
His Ex-wife is is Jail for 4th degree assault and her BF for 2nd degree assault with a deadly weapon.
Even that we are all ok, I cant stop crying, it is so in bedded in my mind.
I went to work today, every time I had a minute to myself I had to go in a quiet corner and cry. Not to mention about my break, I spent all 20 min crying.
Why can I not let it go? She is in jail so is he, Eric and Nate are fine, we are pressing charges and our Lawyer is helping us to sue them both.
Can you please help me to get over this? I never seen violence like this before, or socialized with crack addicts.Is it the crack that made her do that?
Am I still scared? What is the problem I just want to get over this.
Thank you so so much! For your help!
I am so glad that all of you are in my life, and I can share that with you without feeling shame!
Thank you so much!
what a rollercoaster life after opiates you are living... just wanted to wish you the best and know how you are doing , Berit
You've had a very traumatic experience! And with everyting else going on lately, I don't blame you for slipping away to cry for a bit. Just stay focused on what's right. Your hubby's son is #1 and you are doing everything you can to keep him safe, that's all you have to do right this moment :) Let it go and cry, there's nothing wrong with that.
Oh sweetie the things you have been thru! Please knw ur in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*
Wow... Weren't you just on a recliner in a snowy forest somewhere in detox with your family like a minute ago?!?! I'm soooooo sorry all of this is going on. I don't have anything hypocritical to say about the pills... but if it helps you in the long run, I'm still the clean David (though I've thought about it more in my new strength than in my weaker time. Freaky). Anyway, I hope you get another break from school - maybe Spring Break? - to finish off the taper and be done, done, done. Drama and trauma will never end in this life, so (because I believe in a higher power :) ) I believe "the enemy" may be continuing to throw things in your path to keep you hanging on to self-medicate (you know I love you, so read this with a good tone). We really don't "deserve" to be addicted, and dealing with this crud in sobriety - with that slowed down clearer though process - should actually alleviate the stress more than the pills. I know you know this, and it's easier to type than live, so please no I'm just thinking long term with ZERO judgments and all compassion.
Berit, we've been through so much together physically, and mentally, and we did it all through cyberspace in this forum. I may not have detoxed without you. We paced each other every step - it felt like every minute sometimes. And as a man, while I'll never be able to understand/empathize with your recent loss, as a father, I can sympathize with knowing the kids God has blessed you with need their whole mommy.
Since I'm "here" anyway, I might as well say, some of the biggest deterrents to me using "an occasional oxy" 37 days later for pain or stress or whatever, are the pictures of my kids on the wall in front of my treadmill, or in my classroom. I want them to have a clear-headed dad who hears the giggles, sees the smiles, wipes the tears, and on and on. A couple of months ago I had to meet with my university counselor to talk about my classes for the spring. In our conversation, I was "complaining" about how hard it was to provide for my 3 kids with one on the way, and working, and school and... Anyway, after I left I noticed she emailed me about an hour later. She confessed that it was hard for her to sit through my rant. She had three miscarriages (one recent), her husband could not find work for the year and they are renting a room from his mom, and she literally said she would "LOVE" to have the problems I have. She wanted kids so bad.
Berit, you have them, and they love you. You have your husband and he loves you. Helen Keller who I'm sure you know about, once wrote "I have been given so much, I have not time to ponder that which has been denied." I hope you can operate from this perspective really soon, for your strength, for your joy, and for the hope and joy you will bring to others. Know that you are loved and appreciated.
David
Berit, we've been through so much together physically, and mentally, and we did it all through cyberspace in this forum. I may not have detoxed without you. We paced each other every step - it felt like every minute sometimes. And as a man, while I'll never be able to understand/empathize with your recent loss, as a father, I can sympathize with knowing the kids God has blessed you with need their whole mommy.
Since I'm "here" anyway, I might as well say, some of the biggest deterrents to me using "an occasional oxy" 37 days later for pain or stress or whatever, are the pictures of my kids on the wall in front of my treadmill, or in my classroom. I want them to have a clear-headed dad who hears the giggles, sees the smiles, wipes the tears, and on and on. A couple of months ago I had to meet with my university counselor to talk about my classes for the spring. In our conversation, I was "complaining" about how hard it was to provide for my 3 kids with one on the way, and working, and school and... Anyway, after I left I noticed she emailed me about an hour later. She confessed that it was hard for her to sit through my rant. She had three miscarriages (one recent), her husband could not find work for the year and they are renting a room from his mom, and she literally said she would "LOVE" to have the problems I have. She wanted kids so bad.
Berit, you have them, and they love you. You have your husband and he loves you. Helen Keller who I'm sure you know about, once wrote "I have been given so much, I have not time to ponder that which has been denied." I hope you can operate from this perspective really soon, for your strength, for your joy, and for the hope and joy you will bring to others. Know that you are loved and appreciated.
David
Hey girl....wow it just dosent let up for you my God what you have been threw in the last 45days
as for your incident thats pritty typical crack head behavior my youngest daughter was a crack addict and I use to go in and out of all the crack houses in phoenix lets just say they dident like anyones daddy coming looking for them I had my share of confrontations but im like your huby or was at the time 6'1'' and 247 lb those skinny little crack heads where no match for an angry father....you might just want to stick to the charges and not run up a bunsh of legal fees trying to sue them you can squeze blood out of a turnip thay dont have anything to get nothing but a judgment....just a thought you guys got enough on your plate im glade to here your down to one pill a day get off them as soon as you can it would be very ez right now to self medicate
to make it all go away im so sorry your having to go threw all this.....it will get better I willl keep you in my prayers.......Gnarly
as for your incident thats pritty typical crack head behavior my youngest daughter was a crack addict and I use to go in and out of all the crack houses in phoenix lets just say they dident like anyones daddy coming looking for them I had my share of confrontations but im like your huby or was at the time 6'1'' and 247 lb those skinny little crack heads where no match for an angry father....you might just want to stick to the charges and not run up a bunsh of legal fees trying to sue them you can squeze blood out of a turnip thay dont have anything to get nothing but a judgment....just a thought you guys got enough on your plate im glade to here your down to one pill a day get off them as soon as you can it would be very ez right now to self medicate
to make it all go away im so sorry your having to go threw all this.....it will get better I willl keep you in my prayers.......Gnarly
You poor thing!! You and your family have been through so much lately and I'm very sorry. I wouldn't know if the crack made her react like that but if she wasn't a violent person before I would think it is definitely the main reason behind her behavior. Even if she wasn't violent in the past I'm sure it played a role.
I'm with Vicki and Tram on what they said. This just happened and it's going to take time to get over. If anything positive came out of this it is that this happened while you and Eric were with Nate and were able to protect him. You will also no longer have to worry about trying to get full custody of Nate. You know that he now has a safe home and will be getting plenty of love and compassion.
It's going to take some time to get through this but it will get easier. They are exactly where the belong which means you are your family are safe. Lean on each other for support and the love you and your family have for each other will get you through everything that has happened lately.
Once again, I'm so sorry for everything that has been thrown at you lately. Everything will work out. Hang in there as best you can.
Brian
I'm with Vicki and Tram on what they said. This just happened and it's going to take time to get over. If anything positive came out of this it is that this happened while you and Eric were with Nate and were able to protect him. You will also no longer have to worry about trying to get full custody of Nate. You know that he now has a safe home and will be getting plenty of love and compassion.
It's going to take some time to get through this but it will get easier. They are exactly where the belong which means you are your family are safe. Lean on each other for support and the love you and your family have for each other will get you through everything that has happened lately.
Once again, I'm so sorry for everything that has been thrown at you lately. Everything will work out. Hang in there as best you can.
Brian
I feel the worst for your hubbys son. For God sake- to hear your own mother call you names and tell you to stay out of her life. What that poor boy must be going through. So sad
OMG...I totally have tears rolling down my face. The main thing is that you guys are all ok now! That is all that matters. They will pay for what they did, but you don't need to worry about that. Take care of YOU and Nate and Eric.
It's all over now. You guys are safe and they're in jail. Tomorrow is another day. I'm with Vicki...give it time. You'll calm down as days go by and away from the incident!
It's all over now. You guys are safe and they're in jail. Tomorrow is another day. I'm with Vicki...give it time. You'll calm down as days go by and away from the incident!
Oh God! This is horrible Sweetie! You've been through a trauma. Your family was violated. It's upsetting on every level and it's upsetting to me just reading it. Poor Nate. How is he doing?
Time will calm you down. This just happened!! Don't expect yourself to get over it in a day.
Crying is good and so is talking. I'm glad you've posted. I'm sure it helped to get it all out.
You've been through some hard stuff in a brief period of time: Detox, the miscarriage,and now being beaten by lunatics. I guess if I b!tched at you for taking that one Norco a day
it would seem ridiculous in the midst of all this!
I don't know if it was the crack or not. Probably,but it doesn't matter. What's important is that you're all okay and your family is together and safe in your home. It's wonderful that you care for Nate so much that you got him out of there. He'll never forget that!
You'll get passed this...give it time. Try to rest now. xo
Time will calm you down. This just happened!! Don't expect yourself to get over it in a day.
Crying is good and so is talking. I'm glad you've posted. I'm sure it helped to get it all out.
You've been through some hard stuff in a brief period of time: Detox, the miscarriage,and now being beaten by lunatics. I guess if I b!tched at you for taking that one Norco a day
it would seem ridiculous in the midst of all this!
I don't know if it was the crack or not. Probably,but it doesn't matter. What's important is that you're all okay and your family is together and safe in your home. It's wonderful that you care for Nate so much that you got him out of there. He'll never forget that!
You'll get passed this...give it time. Try to rest now. xo
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