Hey hon,sorry it took so long for a response.Whats going on? What type of support is it that you feel your b/f is not giving you?
Come out and we can talk about it.. I know with my husband as he is not an addict dose not always understand that it takes time and we need to talk about it.. He is like we did talk about it :) I think also men think differently. During our addiction we suppress a lot of emotions.. as women we really are emotional beings.. so in order to get us right we talk.. we explore all the connections of the heart and mind.. feelings... Hubby would rather go build something with his hands :) Also we can get wrapped up in our recovery to the point it becomes our only focal point.. We must find balance in all things.. it is the way of the natural order...
If hubby was supportive in the beginning make sure to credit him for that... If not lets talk and find ways that would help him to understand your need.. wishing you the best in your relationship and recovery.. lesa
thats terrible, i understand that many ppl might have a hard time knowing how to handle situations with an addict, same with my family not knowing waht to do, but they arent expected to know everey they should, but support is a no brainer and someone who claims they loves you, let alone marry you, should have the common sense to give you support, want you to get sober and stay sober, they should help you in any way shapy or form during recovery, its the hardest thing you will practically ever do, so having support and care is a must, if they love you they will understand and help you do everything in your power to get and stay in recovery...dont give up hope, hee at this foum we can almost become a second family, i undersatnd what our going thru, i always had the most supportive dad, but my mom and step dad could not grasp the simplest of common courtesy or love, it strange, it seems almost unintelligent, if someone rally honestly loves you, and wants to spend their future with you then they will be there for you through the thick and the thin, will give suppoprt whenever you may need it which will be alot, and if they cannot get that or show effort then they reallydo not care about you, im know its sad to say, and even harsh, but tahts the bottom line, you have thisforum and NA/AA meetings, you also should have group meetings, therapy, and one-on-one counseling its so helpful during the long recovery period, and honestly therapy or counseling for ur significant other should really be looked into, its a great idea, and if they really ahve a problem with taht then they clearly have a problem with caring and loving you..i hope some of this helps and the person taht lovves you so much realizes what they could lose because of your addiction and if recovery isnt pushed at full force..christos
I had a similar problem with my fiance. My mother is able to talk to him like a mom. He said that it hurt him too much to face the reality of what was happening to me. He said it was like he was numb. Because he couldnt help me. He said it was easier to be distant and take care of the household because it was tearing his heart out. You see, my doctor had me on probably too much clonidine and xanax. For a couple of days until I stopped the xanax myself, I could not even feed myself or bathe myself. He was helping me and feeding me but there was no loving touches or kind tender words. I was deeply hurt and thought this is not how he should be acting. He seemed not to care. But as I said it was because it hurt him to see me one day so full of life and a few days later like a vegetable almost. I was taking about 25-28 vicodin a day in combonation with 15-20 tramadol a day. I took that many just to feel normal. Yes a person can build up a tolerance over time. But Jan 1st I said, No More....I knew withdrawals were coming and I tried to explain this to him but he didnt understand the gravity of how serious withdrawals can be. I am lucky to be here. I dont know how you guys talk but maybe you can start by asking him if it hurts him too much. I dont know how to give advice but I am just telling you where my guy was at emotionally. He eventually cried about it and we are working things out. What I didnt know is that he went through something similar in the military when he was almost stabbed to death in afghanistan and was given morphine etc like it was candy. But hang in there with or with out him.....because you have to get through this for yourself first. Its not easy but dont let go of your will to stop using whatever you are using. Well I hope something I said made sense, Hey, I am still struggling myself but at least I know its worth it.
Thanks so much for everyones post. I am so sorry its taken me so long to get back, I've been out of town and had no access to a computer. I read some great advice and will try and see what happens. Thanks again.