Last night at hospital. . .

[HelpinUtah]

I was thinking that my mother had a whole bottle of Lortab sitting in her bedroom that she has not touched in the last 3 months.  She hasn't taken one pill.  She is prescribed this for her rheumatoid arthritis, but it does nothing for her.  So, last night while at the hospital I could not stop thinking about those pills sitting there and noone taking them.  I know it's because I'm stressed and worried about my mother being there with the pneumonia.  I'm seeing a pattern here with me.  If I get stressed or worried (and I mean highly stressed) then I want the Lortab but not for pain.  I want it to ease my stress.  So, I'm struggling inside and had to fight myself last night from taking any.  I don't know how strong I can stay - I have thought about asking my husband to take them and hide them somewhere that I won't know about.  I think that might be the best thing to do.  Anyway, it's interesting how even after 165 days I can still feel this way!  It's obvious that addiction is not easy, but getting clean is so worth it!  I just hope I have the strength to stay away from them.

Thanks again for all those prayers for my mother!  

Hugs,
Janet

[HelpinUtah]

Heather!  WOOHOO!!!! I'm so proud of you!  I agree with you completely!  Thanks!

Laurel:  Hey my dear - you are amazing!  Like I've told you before - you always make me smile!  I love ya a ton!  Thank you!  You are doing AWESOME too!  Hang in there and you are always in my prayers!  

Hugs,
Janet

[laurel453]

hey, you gonna be strong with these times, trust yourself you can do it. You see that  you are also thinking the wisest thing ? so  tell your husband to hide them right now.

i agree with kathy that whenever the monster starts in our brains it is harder to think logically so block those thoughts, do not let your brain start figuring and imagining about it. I'm also very stressed now cause i'm not going through the best of the times but whenever i start worrying or feeling depressed about the days to come,  i change the subject and the approach i used to have. Instead of thinking that my addiction is talking i repeat myself it's just that i don't know very well how  to control my anxiety but i'm learning and it seems easier somehow this way.

"its "only" the stress talking not my addiction urge " i say to myself and if i have controlled something like my crazy addiction so far til today , what the hell i gonna control thiis stuff too about anxiety and stress. At least, stress don't make us feel so bad and down, don't make us lie to people, stress don't make me feel paranoid nor sick nor a hopeless addict, and so many bad things ... We'd rather live with the stress alone, right ?  you have already been  that strong for months, janet so you gonna do it during this time too :)  

[heather_r]

I posted a similar post this AM, my daughter has wonderful Lortab for a Kidney Stone and she is taking it as needed. I know it is hard when they are right there. I tell myself no it might be fun for a short while but then the shame,guilt,would set in. WE can and will stay strong!! We are stronger. Besides I would feel horrible taking them from my own daughter.

[cathy5841]

OH MO YOU DONT.  you have come much to far to let this set you back...NO NO NO...janet, have your hubby do something with the pills...if you dont it will drive you crazy.  once that monster starts in your brain it is hard to think logically.  so avoid the stress of knowing those pills are there and ask hubby for help...or i am gonna help gizzy kick your hiney!!

[HelpinUtah]

Thanks everyone!  Okay, you have all made me cry!!!  What an amazing group of people we have here!  Thanks!!!!

I just spoke with my husband and he is going to hide the pills.  I don't want to throw away her pills without her permission.  So, he will hide them.  If I don't know where they are, I'll be fine.  It's just tempting because I know where she keeps them.  I've been in this situation/feeling before and was able to resist.  I know it has a lot to do with the support here and I know Gizzy will boot me in the butt!  LOL!!!!  Which if I gave in, I would hope he would!  :)

Hugs and thanks,
Janet

[gizzy32]

If no one is taking them toss them or have her put them away, it's like a tease and i understand why it's hard on you, but you know you can't go back. Stress is a trigger for almost all addicts, that's how our brains tell us to cope, but we can 't do that no more, it's dangerous. I am sorry about your mom being sick, she needs you now so stay strong, we are here to listen. Do you remember the boooooooooot?

[Jester2005]

WOW!!! you fought the urge to take again and WON!!! Good for you; WONDERFUL!!
If it happens again, try to remember last night and how you fought it and beat it... baby steps, one day at a time. You know what to do, though, about your mom's left-over pills: get hubby to do something with them that you don't know. Just tell him you know she has some and you were tempted and they need to go. You can't know what he does with them (my opinion) or temptation might come back again. I don't know about you, but here (I'm in Ontario, Canada) we can return the meds to the pharmacist... that way if your mom does need them again she can go back to the DR/pharmacist to get more.

CONGRATS again on being clean and staying clean... keep up the great work!!

[Sunnyd210]

Hi Janet Im sorry that ur mom is sick. That is a hard situation for anyone to be in thats for sure. Having your husband hiding them is the best thing you can do or if your mom doesnt even taking them why not just get rid of them? Even if you had your husband take some and hide them in case your mom does need them and you flush whats left over? Flushing them feels soo good let me tell you and it really helps mentally. You are such a great person you can overcome this!!

[melodie79]

MELODIE

[SophieShine]

Dear Janet,
Please ask your hubby to take those pills away from you.
You are emotionally weak and fragile but still you had the strength to say NO.
YOU ARE SOOOO STRONG GIRL.
165 days clean WOOOOO HOOOOO, look at the bright side.

ALL my thoughts and prayers are for you and your mom. I do know to well how much a mother means to a daughter.

peace of mind for you that's all I wish.

love and hugs

[steveo30]

so you've been clean for 165 days,congradulations.it's amazing how this addiction (devil)would like nothing better than you picking up that bottle and then who knows what.instant gratification almost got the best of you but you won.i agree,tell your husband to do something with them.good job

[snowflake620]

so sorry about your mom and please tell your husband to get thoes pills fast don't look back sweetie look forward and stay strong please,you continue to be such an inspiration to all of us on here my prayers are with you all
snowflake