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Life not worth living after quitting opiates

Ahhh I recently quit taking opiates after a 4yr long addiction/dependence. Ive quit a few times before, longest ive lasted was a month but ended up relapsing. My drug of choice was always oxycodone but the last time I quit I had been taking 2x 100ug/hr fentanyl patches as well as dilaudid, xanax, and some whiskey more often than not thrown into the mix every day.

Somehow when I quit cold turkey (after doing a quick 1 week taper from dilaudid/leftover fentanyl gel from old patches) I did NOT experience noticable withdrawals. Atleast compared to when last time I quit taking oxy cold turkey.

But it just seems like life is not worth living without opiates. Nothing makes me happy. I literally sit in my room watching tv and on the computer every day 7 days a week. I feel like my room in my house has become my own personal prison. I have really bad social anxiety so I feel like if I "go out" to do anything ill just look like an idiot in front of everyone and feel even worse than before. I want to get out of my house and start doing things, but I just cant because I have such low self esteem and always feeling like im being judged (which is true I suppose). I have no motivation to do anything, but at the same time anything to get out of my house is sure to relieve my boredom.

I dont know, im just bored 24/7 and feel like I cant leave my house. I cant talk to people I dont know because I just dont know what to say to them. (particularly girls, being that im a 19 year old male). I also cant get a job because I get so nervous when being interviewed and cant hold a steady conversation stranger without becoming wildy nervous and freezing up as far talking goes. I cant get a girlfriend for the same reason. The only thing I do besides sit in this computer chair, at my computer, while watching tv, is go to class monday-thursday which I have begun to somewhat enjoy (as opposed to dread, like I did in high school) just because it gives me something to do.

I just dont know what to do. I feel like I was 10x more of a productive person when I was on opiates (although I still was/have been extremely shy my entire life) but I dont want to depend on a pill to be able to get through the day. But at the same time I want to be able to function like a normal person. I cant even talk/ask questions in my college classes anymore because of fear of looking like an idiot and people judging me.

Has this happened to anyone else after getting off opiates? I know depression is a common effect of post acute opiate withdrawal but this has been going on long before I even started taking opiates in the first place. And the opiates didnt really fix my shyness they just allowed me to feel good while still being shy.

18 Responses
52704 tn?1387020797
That's just another lie of addiction.  I know it feels that way, but it's just not true.  My life now is better than ever before . . . not just better than during the addiction, but better than at any time before recovery.

The problem is that active addiction leave your brain chemistry AFU.  Not-using is not enough, we need to actively treat our brain chemistry.  Take a look at End Your Addiction Now, by Charles Gant; The Mood Cure, by Julia Ross; and Seven Weeks to Sobriety, by Joan Larson.

At the same time, life-after-addiction requires an active program of recovery.  If you're not already, start going to AA or NA meetings.  Doesn't matter if you like 'em or not or if you think they're working or not, just go -- go to ninety meetings in the next ninety days.  Get at least a temporary sponsor and work the program.

A life of active recovery takes some effort, but it takes a lot less effort than a life of active addiction.

CATUF
1735
52704 tn?1387020797
Also, read up on PAWS http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

There's a reason you never make it past 30 days.  I was stuck in that same cycle for years.
52704 tn?1387020797
one more thing - it helps (some would say it's essential) to pray.

when you get up in the morning ask for help and when you go to bed say thank you.

if you're like i was, convinced that there's nothing out there, this may seem like a stupid waste of time or worse.  doesn't matter.  do it anyway.  there's no wrong way to do it, as long as you do it.

CATUF

1224562 tn?1274475633
i know how you feel i went thru the same thing but i look for help i found out im depressed on top of everything else.it gets better i remeber thinking i dont want to get clean how would i have fun ,i thought my life would end im only 15 days into it  but i finally reached out for help you have a friend here if you d like...........................................................Anna
1156346 tn?1294166094
Hang in there voxxx.  You are so young and have alot of life ahead of you.  I thought the drugs gave me that edge on other people as well.  Actually I found the longer I would use and with increased doses the less I got accomplished.  I had no confidence when it came to doing things in public either without the drugs so I thought.  I have alot more confidence now than I ever did before.  Quit the drugs and give it a few months and you will get your mojo back! Trust me.

Good Luck,
Kona
1 Comments
I can totally relate & I’ve been 18 months clean&sober& working the steps& I could never enjoyed life sober or using I feel like there is no hope for me either. As I cry writing this
1222871 tn?1268839538
I feel the same way... that I will never be happy if I am off the drugs.  That I will never be enthusiastic taking care of my 1 year old.  So, I pop the pills to have fun, to be happy, to be pain free, to not feel boredom or sadness.... but deep down I am so sad that I need to pop a pill to have fun with my own child.  This kills me more than I can express and I just wish I could have never put one in my mouth.  The struggle is unbearable, but at the same time so worth it.  If someone could just tell me that someday I will be happy again.  I look at people who are sober and think how can they do it?  How can they smile?  What makes them smile?  And why can't I?  Hang in there, just know you are not alone.  Keep writing it helps some.  I will be your friend...
Naomi
Avatar universal
Yea I havent been truly happy in years. Every day to me is just time that I have to find something to do to get through it, or just do like normal and sit at home in my room and be bored which makes the time go by 10x slower. I guess the opiates gave me exactly what I was craving for the past few years, to be happy for once whether it be by chemical means or by natural means. And once I discovered that I could chemically make myself happy it just seemed like the solution to my problem.

But at the same time, I dont see how that is much different from taking antidepressants. And I dont want to end up like my mom, dependent on a pill that doesnt even get you high/make you feel good. I dont want to be dependent on any kind of pill at all for that matter. I just feel like im screwed any way I look at my situation.
715482 tn?1286833249
hey buddy please hang in there....i felt just like you did, my life couldnt have gotten better...CATUF is right, this is the part of the disease that can really mess with you, but it all goes away...completely.  CATUF also mentioned meetings, and thats the only reason im still sober and happy it changed my life.

im 26 and had issues with quitting when i was 19 bc of girls also...unfortunately i quit and fell back several times over the next few years.  i thought i couldnt be happy and i couldnt be social, but those were all lies i was telling myself.  it wasnt easy but it all got better and i cant say that i would change any of it because of where im at right now and i can look foward to the future and so could you...

msg me at any time buddy im here for you
684676 tn?1503186663
when you start thinkin how you are just existing & not living, think about those that are truly prisoners in their own bodies , parylized ppl, quads, and such , or ppl w/terminal diseases, especially children, thats what i have done and i think damn i'm one lucky sob!
Avatar universal
Please, for your own benefit, please watch this video and visit the website. I know this may seem like advertisement but it really isn't.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lHTGYoy5vQ

The doctor is able to completely wipe out the physical addiction in just 8 hours.
Avatar universal
dont know if ill ever see a reply from you but i want to say thanks for your post. im in precipitated withdrawal after a 2 year opiate binge. i weened myself off the suboxone and was doing great till i hurt myself skiing and fell back in. ***** that trying to be active is part of what got me back. even though my body feels like crap, ive felt like my brain is turning back on, i cry again, feel happy abut things in my life. i even went out in the rain, sometimes feeling like **** reminds me of how much better feeling is than not.
Avatar universal
hey voxx im the same way as you.  Im 26 been on heroin from 21 years old to 22 till I got arrested, then quit for a month, wanted to blow my brains out.  got on vicodin, oxies, whatever I could get, methadone suboxone.  it doesnt matter any opiote would do, it made me a functional human being, out going and all around better person.  Ive been sober for 2 months unfurtanitly on immudium(poor mans methadone).  I hate everything about myself without opiotes.  I dont take and search for opiotes to get high just to functional and people dont understand that.   I need help everything *****, Im a nervous reck everywhere I go, Im ammbaressed with everything I say or do and it fills me up with such anxiety.  I cant leave my bed, but at the same time I hate my bed.  Im tired all the time,  nothing satisfies me.  It almost makes you just want to kill yourself
3688816 tn?1358475297
Hey and welcome! This thread is very old go back to the main screen at the top and click on post a question. There are soo mamy good ppl here who can help you. Btw right now ur brain is lying to you. The addict brain will say anything to get u to use. Please don't give up we are here to help you.
Avatar universal
This post is quite old, it is 2017 now, but, the issues are still the same. YES, I HAVE EXTREME BOREDOM PROBLEMS after opiates run out. In fact that is what makes quitting the hardest, even more than the physical withdrawals. This is why these drugs should never be overtaken, because once you get used to that alternate feeling, going back to average normal life is very difficult. My advice, NEVER OVERTAKE YOUR MEDS, and ray daily for strength, to enjoy the little things in life, because, they really are enough, we really, as addicts, must retrain our thinking, to appreciate life, that GOD gave us, it takes a lot of work and praying, but, it is doable, many thousands of folks quit, and stay quit. GOD BLESS US ALL.
Avatar universal
I am on day 3, took Norco 10/325 for almost 6 years but the worst of it has been these past 2 years, I've spent all my money, relationships through the drain and I'm only 27 years old. I have a 7 year old and it's now affecting him financially. This is my first real attempt to stop for my self.. I always read these forums but was to embarrassed to post. Ive lost great jobs and opportunities from these pills. I'm feeling OK today not horrible but sneezing, pooping, rls, and no energy. :/ I have a slight headache but not as bad. Typically I withdrawal only when I run out I usually feel like I'm dying but this time doing it for myself has have me hope. I wanna buy cool stuff again, go out to eat fancy again, lol go on trips! I did this all before.

I wanna save money again! The only thing that has helped me is marijuana it's legal here I'm los Angeles it helps with my anxiety and a bit of pain but when it wears off I feel it man so it's hard but it helps. My boyfriend had me walking all day on day 2. He doesn't know so I had to put on a happy face but I was dying I got home and knocked out but I feel ok. Please share your stories I'm in need of hope.
1 Comments
Hi Ashley, congrats on your decision to stop using. Best choice you could ever make. As difficult as it may seem right now, putting this decision off until years down the road would only make things considerably more difficult. You are still so young, so it's good to see you making this decision now.

Right now, you are still pretty early in the withdrawal process, and most likely will have a few more days or even weeks of acute withdrawal. Don't give up! Just do your best to hang in there. After that has passed, it's just a matter of finding a way/support system that will help you  to stay clean. Can you tell your boyfriend? That could really help. It's going to be really difficult trying to hide this (pretending that everything's ok and you feel just fine through all of this). If you could tell him, and believe he'd be supportive, that would be great.

I would also suggest maybe creating a new thread instead of leaving comments on older threads, since more people will be likely to see it and respond. Best of luck!
Avatar universal
I am almost 60 years old, and I don't have the answer.  I just searched the computer to find out why I feel sooo damned depressed when I don't take any opioid medication.  Thank you to all of you responded to this young man giving him such fantastic advice, wisdom, and prayers.  You are now 8 years older, and I pray that you are doing well.  I pray for all of you who offered support.  I now know that I am not the only one who felt/feels this way.  I honestly thought that there was something truly wrong with the wiring of my brain.
Avatar universal
Hi, So your just sitting around feeling a little sorry for yourself which in turn wiped out your drive to accomplish anything in life due to the fact  you just lost your very best friend. Mr. Opioid. I call it Mr. Opioid out of respect. If you disrespect it, it will kill you. I know Mr. Opioid quit well. He s not your friend. They always talk about switching addictions as a terrible thing. Their are many kids of addictions other than dope. The last time I got out prison I was 52. Didn't like it much on that trip and became scared straight.  If I were you I would look back at everything you missed out in life and start doing them even if you think it is to late or theirs not enough time to do them. Once you start, well you know us addicts we cant get enough. You might say that felt as good as getting high where can I get more. That felt better than banging a O.C. 80 mg. The next day or two well junkies need their fix. So you set out to accomplish another task you had put off for 20 years (example). You want that good feeling right now so you end up accomplishing that goal in record time. Did not know you were that good did you ?  What a rush. Nothing better than feeling good about yourself. And guess what ? Everyone else notices also. Pretty soon your wheeling dealing kicking ***** and taking names. Plus you forgot about Mr. Opioid. Remember don't stop to say high to it, treat yourself or think just one last time. Mr. Opioid is counting on that and he is waiting for you. Respect it !!! I used to just hate when people would say pull your self up by your boot straps. In trying to make up for my lost years due to my addiction I looked at life as a big mountain. All I had was a pick ax to get through it. I sat and stared at the mountain for days on end.  But one day I picked up that pick ax and started picking away at it. This will take forever I thought. I want everything back right know but I kept swinging that pick ax and was amazed at how much I  moved in a few days. Again that good feeling of what I had accomplished in just a few short days gave me the drive to  wiped out that mountain in nothing flat. I then was looking around for another one to pick apart. I started yelling come on where is their another mountain, make it a bigger mountain this time. I will move it even faster. Their wasn't nothing I couldn't do and that good feeling never has never left me. My addiction know good or bad makes me feel whole and its not about the money. Come on money really doesn't matter to a addict. It is the accomplishment you have  become addicted too.  A person needs to look in the mirror at some point in life and ask themselves did I do the best I could do ? Do I like who I'm looking at? I was able to say yes to both. I'm 64 years old now and started using when I was 17. God also was a main factor. Lets face it we all have thought about blowing are brains out more than once. It was the last time I thought that where I went looking for God. I wanted some validation even though he was not helping me I had to know for sure if he was  their. That was a experience that nothing can beat and another issue. For know it appears getting this guys ass off the couch and find some happiness is the problem Yes, it is a big problem and not easy to do. Im just trying to assure if him that if you do get out of bed and pick up that ****** ax and start swinging you will be amazed. Your dreaming if you think someone is going to hand it to you. Signed old school Junkie.
1 Comments
One of best posts, thanks
Avatar universal
After reading this, I had to stop and send, hopefully, an answer to why you "cant hold a steady conversation stranger without becoming wildy nervous and freezing up as far talking goes." One thing I discovered during my research on chronic pain is that approximately 1/3 of them have ADHD. It is a neurological affliction, like how we experience chronic pain through the nerve impulses received in the brain. Treatment plans include ADHD medications, which should reduce the need for opiates.
A person truly in pain will be receptive to the prospect of reducing their pain by this method, open to other suggestions for treatments or at least take suggested measures to seek relief. A person who seeks either one with specificity will be looking for something more, which is described as an off label use or a means to chase and obtain that euphoria.
I like the duality of ADHD medications. Granted, the need for  pain management will continue until achieving successful surgical correction or treatment. Even though there is a need, it should be reduced. That is the duality of it, which greatly appeals to me.
I hope that this information helps you on your quest to a better you. Remember this--information is power. Use that power to become your own personal hero, and by doing so inspire others and become their hero too. Instead of sitting of the sidelines of your life, stuck perpetually on the bench, get your ass out there on the field where you get to use those plans in the play book of your life. Shalom and best wishes for you and yours!
1 Comments
Good information. Thank you.  I think social anxiety is another possibility.  So many have this and it's a struggle to converse and be social.  Liquid courage is real, right?
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