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Avatar universal

Looking for reasons please

This may just be the thoughts of a drug abuser, but what is the point in stopping the abuse?  I make enough money to continue the habit, have no family to damage, and enjoy my time on pills.  I've only been clean 24hours from a 3 year hydrocodone addiction, but I'm looking for a reason to stay with it.  I keep telling myself I'll feel better if I get off them.  I think I'll feel worse knowing that I have to go the rest of my life sober. What do you sober people look forward to?  That is my scariest thought.  What can possibly make you happier than drugs?  Sorry for being pessimistic, cynical, and a general jerk.  Please tell me I'm wrong.  I have to be missing the big picture.  

thank you guys for listening.  
35 Responses
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637613 tn?1281039564
Congrats on how well you are doing so far. Keep up the hard work...ther rewards are worth it. I just wanted to say...Yes...it is difficult and you may go through some really rough times...it is the realityl but please don't think you "deserve" it. Being an addict doesn't make us bad people. Please don't think you deserve to go thru the worst. You deserve only the best...and will have to work hard to have it. Best of luck to you. God bless...Lynn
Helpful - 0
677105 tn?1226274313
The original post of why shouldn't I use has an easy answer.  It will kill you!!  And not the hydrocodone either.  The amount of Tylenol you take a day will shut your liver down dead eventually.  A toxic dose of Tylenol is 4000 mg.  Most Vicodins people take are 5/500's with 500 mg of Tylenol in each pill.  So if you take 8 or more a day you are shoving a toxic dose into your liver EVERY DAY!.

Beside the fact that you will keep having to take more and more and more to achieve the same effect, they just to not be sick.

If it sounds like I know what I am talking about it is I do!!
Helpful - 0
617347 tn?1331293081
great that you feel better&strong and on track ...  :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
"WHAT KOVA SAID"

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS YAAAAAHOOOOO.........Now that alone is a reason to be sober!!  LOL     I am in withdrawl fro percocet (day 7 now)  and yesterday I was starting to feel better  FINALLY!  and I couldnt believe I was horney!  Straight sex ROCKS!

also ochoked is right about the sex drive.  i cannot believe the difference in how it feels now.  when i was using i didn't care if i ever had sex or not.  not so anymore!  my  husband better keep taking his vitamins to keep up with me.  and music as well...  and everything i have ever enjoyed or been passionate about.  the passion is back in full force.  as my favorite author Tom Robbins puts it, i have my "syrup of wahoo" back.

Helpful - 0
673183 tn?1232732878
It is probably the hardest thing in life to deal with. Just keep faith in God and trust that he will guide you through this terrible time in your life. I too am an addicted and have been clean for a few days. I totally understand where you are coming from. You feel so sad like you have lost someone important in your life. You cant seem to think of what could possibly make you happier that the drugs. I feel your pain cause I still feel the same way too. What I have done though, which has helped, is stayed away from triggers that has helped me. Like, if you are bored and  home alone, get out and do something. Or, if you hang around with friends who do it, drop them. You will find this forumn really helpful as all of us are or was going through the same thing. Also, on the home page on the bottom right is a Thomas Recipe. Its a list of things that help with w/d. You should have a look at it as I think you would benefit from it. Hope you stay on here and let us know how you are doing
Helpful - 0
565430 tn?1272695820
Hey User .
You say you have no family to damage. What about your friends ?
Are they not your "chosen" family?
I remember when I thought I'll be perfectly fine as long as i have my little pills. Ah sure they cant be that bad for ya .coz i look fine.
Then I would run out . Then! i would be a completely different person.
Your pills have become the norm for you now. If you havent told anyone about your habit . Is it because you think its better no one knows?

Pills change you!!!!
They turn you a Liar, a Cheat, a Thief , a Dissapointment. If not to others
Then  Deffinatly and most  importantly  to yourself.
EVERY day you take those pills your damaging your ego, your sense of self. Every day they are changing you, Chipping away at your self confidence .

Maybe you should wait a little longer and get even more trapped and a little more enslaved  Dig a nice big hole for yourself to hide in so you can hide from real life and real feelings.
One day your gonna want to get back out of that hole Think about how far your gonna have to climb back out.
One day youll develope feelings for someone maybe just friendship maybe more
Who knows? "they wont be your first love .." the pills will be your first love!!!"
Do you really want that?
Will they settle for that?
Your sacraficing some of yourself respect to justify taking those pills . Therefore your loosing self respect
And you konw what they say!!
If you dont respect yourself dont expect other people to respect you.
Sorry for being such a hardass. But Im ony trying to warn you where those pills are  leading you

Try a little excersise
Hand write your own post on paper and read it to yourself out loud in front of the mirror.

Then write down the questions you come  into your mind
If you can still justify taking the pills ... Then your not ready to give them up

LIFE IS BETTER WITHOUT PILLS
YOU WILL BE NO LONGER A SLAVE TO THEM
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
People who've been there are giving you the best advice.  YOU are able to leave behind the slavery to drugs.  Be your best cheerleader to YOURSELF !  Change those negative thoughts to positive.  Just think.... if you have money and are clean,  think what you can do for your fellow  man.  Volunteer !  This is the best way to change your negatives into positives.  You will feel so proud of yourself by helping others.  Life is very short.  Please, think well of yourself, forgive yourself and go out to do for others.  A happy life is there for the taking.  Best wishes to you.
Helpful - 0
52704 tn?1387020797
i wasn't able to STAY clean until using became nothing but pain.  

the idea of being clean seemed didn't seem any better.  in fact, it seemed worse and it seemed impossible . . .

i was at that point where i couldn't live with using, but couldn't see how i could make it without using.

that's a bad place to be, but it seems to  be a great place from which to jump (or fall) into recovery.

i heard what i thought was a great saying for the first time this morning: "it's a lot easier to surrender when you're out of bullets."

there are many people who are able to find recovery without getting to the "recover or die" point.  but i'm not one of them - i had to take it over the edge.  

by all rights i should be dead or at least in federal prison. but grace has nothing to do with rights.  i believe that i was saved from certain destruction by whatever or whoever it is that created the fabric of space and time, and all the wonderful things that are in it . . . including entangled particles that somehow "know" what is happening to the other even before light itself could have travelled the distance between them.

Psalm  107 speaks to what it was like for me and what happened:

17Some became fools through their rebellious ways
       and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.
18 They loathed all food
       and drew near the gates of death.
19 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
       and he saved them from their distress.
20 He sent forth his word and healed them;
       he rescued them from the grave

at the time i cried to a power that i doubted, it would have been enough if i was just "rescued from the grave."  it would have been more than enough if i was "given my life back."  as it turned out, if i had limited myself to these things i would have sold myself far short.  i never did get "my life" back, but i did get a new life that i like much better.  

for the last 3+ years i have lived in a very good world in which i frequently meet wonderful people . . . it is simply a fact that in the last 3 years and 5 months i have met more wonderful people than i did in the almost 47 years before that.

life in recovery is not just better for me than when i was in active addiction, it's better than it ever was before.  much better.

personally, i'm glad that i went into the abyss, because i needed to go there to get to where i am now.

CATUF
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hello All!

Wow.  What a group of people.  I have never seen such great care given to a person unknown.  I still have not "used" and made it through a rough night.  This sneezing business has got to go. ha.  I knew the withdrawal would be unpleasant and that's fine.  I expect and deserve the worst.  Maybe it will keep me from ever wanting to face this again. I will re- read these inspirational posts over and over again, as I find I get more and more each time I see them.  I can't help but feel selfish that you wonderful people have taken time out of your day to help me out.  I can only hope this will also be inspiration to others, like myself, who were looking for answers in any form they could find and that each of you finds or has found what you are looking for in life.  I will continue to contribute as much as I can when I can.  My thoughts and words are jumbled in my pounding head.

I may be lacking a family to call my own, but it seems I have found a group of souls to cover the edges.

my sincere best
user4
Helpful - 0
627336 tn?1226165791
i sometimes feel the same way you do user, i find myself trying to justify my thoughts of wanting to get high. sometimes i even convince myself but once i give into myself i end up feeling soo much worse. ive got to start all the way at the begining again. it makes me feel so weak minded!! life is soo boring without the high. when all you think about and everything you do revolves around getting high.is this really living life? i cant even recall how much of my life ive wasted "searching" when i think about it, its kinda nuts how something soo small effects your life in such a tremndous way. i just wanted you to know youre not the only one out there feeling this way. im not sure myself...
Helpful - 0
519661 tn?1264516208
i want to tell everyone that posted above how much i admire you all for your sincerity and your compassion, it truly brought me to tears!!  (good tears lol)  

user, there is a lot of wisdom pouring out to you right now!!  it is the nature of the beast....we are addicts and those feeling of euphoria are not TRUE feelings!!  those are the pills feeling, not you.  you can do this....just hang tough!!  best of luck and best wishes, my prayers are with you!!  God bless xxxxxxxxxxx
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Definitely one of the best threads I have appreciated so much. Sure hope User4 comes back.  Would really like to hear what he did.
Helpful - 0
199177 tn?1490498534
this is a very good post I think alot of it will find it very helpful lets try to keep it up here for a bit
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617347 tn?1331293081
OH MY GOD, seed... i meant seed, a good seed....not weeeed ( this old wayssss shhhh ) hahaha
Helpful - 0
617347 tn?1331293081
oh yess.... and i love feeling this " syrup of wahoo" back as kova so right said .. lol love it!
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617347 tn?1331293081
i agree with your opinion...i think it's a great thread to keep it up for him and for others with the same questions ..

i hope too he won't dissapear in the space but nevertheless he has got our answers, he has got more than before so that he can make up his mind with HIS answer  ( sooner better than later :) ) But if he disappears for a time  i truly feel that he will remember our words one day or the other..and for the other people just reading..think  pls that THIS is always the best moment to stop and it can be done.

it is our point here ... for staying  here and giving our answers and sharing our experiences... a sort of weed and a good point, i should think :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I felt a lot like you a year ago. If you continue to use you will look back in a year with such regret. Its amazing how fast this stuff can take over. I never thought it would happen and didnt even see it happening. I still cant believe how fast the spiral sucked me down without even knowing it until it was way too late. You said you have no family to damage, what about YOU?  Maybe you should post a question to all who have been where you are now (which is most of us)---""What  if you could go back to the stage addiction I am at right now, knowing what you know now, What would you do?""   You posted for a reason, and look at all the responses youve gotten. You found this forum early...take full advantage of it.
God bless
~howie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Its all Good, every single minute of it. I wanted my life back and got it..You are young and have never really lived your life yet. Drugs are your life, too bad.....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi User ----  Man, I've never seen a thread where so many answered and gave heart felt solid advice -- hope you will read it and not be one of those who just disappear into cyberspace and do not benefit from such good words.   Stick around and post - tell us what you are thinking and your plans.  All the best.
Helpful - 0
230262 tn?1316645934
just to expound more on this...

you wrote:
""What do you sober people look forward to?  That is my scariest thought.  What can
possibly make you happier than drugs? ""

what about being able to meet your soul mate, getting married and raising a family? is that in your long term goals? If it is, good luck obtaining that if you go down the destructive path of drugs. You will have difficulty sustaining any long term good relationships when all youre fixating on is your next dose of pills.   You said you dont have any family to damage....do you not want any family at all, ever? I think that is one of the main things that IS missing from your life that is causing you to get high all the time. Maybe Im wrong, but I think that may be a large part of it..

I could go on and on but i need to go myself now and make breakfast for my kids =)
I sure hope that you do come back here and read all these wonderful responses youve got here. The people here are great and it shows, doesnt it?

Helpful - 0
617347 tn?1331293081
it is a good thng that you asked us about it and feel free to ask whatever, we're all trying to really help yu so that you don't make the "whole mistake" path , you see ?

and it's true you'll have to work on your personal issues and learn how to feel good just by doing nothing, i e., to fill the time  with healthier options to you ( a good thing that will lasts with you longer than that feeling from drugs )...

addiction has a desillusional and self deception stage ( ohh yeahh ) beat it, get over this phase and save yourself from what lays ahead.

again, all the luck and stay here, post whatever you feel like and you'll get honest answers ( this is the best thing we can find  when we arrive here: honest answers. From these asnwers it is up to each one of us doing the hard  work  ( a so rewarding work :) ).
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Many of us are knocking on the door of 50 yrs old(sorry if i offend anyone by the way) and we just dont want to see others suffer what we have.  You have a chance at leading a long productive life.  Our losses are great, we have had tragedies, relationships gone bad, family members estranged from us, financially ruined etc........all because of our drug abuse.  We just dont want to see you go down that road at 25.    sara
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
somehow life has a way of turning things back on us?   why can i enjoy life?   it is something we need to answer and adjust....God is always there but only to turn to..For me He has never fixed things for me/only made me aware/not sure how/that i needed to do some work...He has taught me to stand strong for something/or everything else life would just keep knocking me down///and i was very very tired of getting knocked down...just know for me HE is always there...if u r not religious then u must just believe in u///kinda nice to have HIM as well tho
Helpful - 0
637613 tn?1281039564
You have gotten great advice for sure. All I can do is share a bit of my life with you. My addiction was meth...and life was not fun anymore. Sure...there may have been bits of fun...but there was always pain...heartache and chaos involved too. I really couldn't remember when partying was only fun. My live was spinning out of control and I tried to make changes but couldn't seem to do it on my own. I cried out to God and asked for his help to get my life right. The next day my husband and myself were arrested. We ended up spending 2 years between county jail...prison...and prison boot camp (treatment program). Our kids were placed in foster care with my brother. It was a very sad thing. I had a hard time coming to terms with having caused so much pain and misery for the people that I loved so much. My kids had every right to hate us.

We have been out of prison now since Jan 06 and sober since going in Jan 04. I know in my heart that God answered my prayer that day. I couldn't do it on my own so He helped me get my life right. Now it is up to me to keep it that way. When you ask what sober people look forward to...for me, I look forward to waking up in my own bed...next to my husband of nearly 23 years. Who, by the way still loves me and I still love him. I look forward to talking to my adult kids everyday...and knowing that even though they have every right to hate me...they don't...they love me and we have a great relationship. I look forward to having a steady job and not having to worry about passing a drug test. I look forward to paying my bills. I know it sounds weird but after so long of struggling and spending money on dope...it is a huge thing to be able to pay them...on time...and still have some extras to do the little things.I look forward to living life my way...and being free to make choices for myself. Yes...life is simple and some days boring...but it is mine and I love it...I wouldn't want it any other way. I know this is my life and my not relate to your situation. I do hope you are able to find something to look forward too. It is hard to find sober activities to replace your high time..but it is not impossible. Fishing...camping..canoeing...taking walks...crocheting...spending time with family. You would be shocked at how nice it is to just do nothing and be able to be happy about it. I like my simple life...without all the chaos of my past life.  The most important thing...was to want it to be different. Good luck to you...God bless...Lynn
Helpful - 0
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495284 tn?1333894042
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