Losing my resolve

[Cantdothisanymore]

not sure if i am posting this right. but on my earlier post I mentioned a call  about available vics..... its haunting me - how do I not give in? they were always so hard to get and now here they are practically f'ing gift wrappppppped! 6 days?   will it be this bad again if i give in for just a day or two?

[Cantdothisanymore]

well this has been a roller coaster day. good moments and bad but more good than anything. wow...but guess what - i made it another day. again wow! tomorrow will be the start of day 10 and i am going back to work after 8 weeks off from my ankle surgery.  pray for me. i think i will be okay with all my clean working friends around not to mention my boss LOL and all the work that has most assuredly been piling up.  GOD this means I have to get up at 4:30 am tomorrow and get my butt moving sober?! OMG that is so intesely scary. stay with me people. I come here often to read ( dont always post - dont want y'all to tire of my babbing) but reading and sharing with you all is getting me through.

[Cantdothisanymore]

I just saw your notes you left me. cried as i read them, felt blessed for the support and the sincerity i know was in each sentance you typed to me...me?  i dont deserve you. STOP - thats what i would have said 9 days ago but today i realize that i DO deserve help and support and all that you give because i am worth it. the realization hits that I am an ADDICT and i want to put my tail between my legs and run and hide from the shame. Now I realize this was not all my fault. sure i am to blame for abusing them but these are nasty little evils that i know now are the fault of the drs and dealers that hook us on them. GODSPEED to us all and keep the notes and good thoughts coming.....i am not through this yet.

[Dav125]

Got to work on this spelling problem. This one finger probe on the keyboard doesn't keep up with my thoughts at times..Dum dee dummy me de dum (big smile)..InsPirational....

[Dav125]

You also don't realize how much of your inner spirit transends thru the site and is very insirational Cantdoit.Really, I mean that. Your kind words have far more impact than you know. They knocked on a few emotonal doors in me which haven't been openned in awhile..Pleasant good feelings..So THANKYOU to you too. :). There's a swirl of positive energy radiating out. Its good,,all good :).

[Cantdothisanymore]

dav - thanks so much - needed to hear that. i have no idea how i beat that temptation TWICE in one week. Wow

Tramahater no way do i want to ever live these last 9 days again. i watch you post on everyones thread - offerring your support - thats a gift and we all need you so thanks

megan.  i am just praying that the addiction is not more powerful for me.  i still have no energy and my pain ( had surgery 7 weeks ago on my ankle) level is rather high at the moment but i will work through it.

i just had some lunch tho it was tough and i am going to try and mow the lawn. send me your prayers.....i need them.

[Dav125]

Your doing great! You beat temptation again! Where do "YOU" find that strength???. See, you had it all along but under-rated yourself because you didn't have anything to compare it to. Well, look what you've done so far..Up and down days are going to be there but they will pass. I'm having a slightly off day too. Think its because I'm tired though. Last couple of days have been pretty busy. Been a long week for you so reward yourself today. Take a break,go wow I made it thru this week, and tommorrow is the start of the next..You can do this,,I'm convinced more than ever now :)