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1331115 tn?1536362140

Lost my Dad yesterday

Hi All:
I know I haven't been on the forum for a while, but my Dad just passed away yesterday and it is hitting me hard. He has been battling lymphoma cancer for the last year. He went into the hospital about 2 weeks ago and things just got progresivly worse. my Dad as I was a firefighter as I that is why I got into that vocation. My Dad was a great man and even at the end all he wanted was to see his family come together in love and then he left us. He left a great legacy as he had 7 children 24 grandchildren and 19 great grandchildren. My Dad waited for evereyone to come together at the hospital before he passed with a smile on his beautiful face. When I told my Dad I was going to get off oxys he had nothing but praise for me, he didn't judge he just said "Now that's my boy" I miss him dearly and I made a promise to him (and myself) I would never take those evil pills again. Tonight I was offered some percs and I wanted to just be numb from the hurt, but I remembered the promise and I declined. I hope I can keep the same strenght throughtout his funeral. I plan to stay strong and I pray to God I can.

I am hurting and all of you people have helped me through one of the roughest times in my life. I just wanted to share this with you all as you have become an important part of my life.God Blees you all---Rick  
Best Answer
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
  I know my dad stood and saluted your dad when he entered heaven~~~I know exactly how you feel, watching the firefighters honor our fathers is truely heartbreaking and unbelievable at the same time.

Please take care of yourself now.  Things will quiet down greatly.  Keep that guard up!!  Thinking of you and your family~~~sara
21 Responses
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52704 tn?1387020797
I'm very sorry you lost your dad, Rick.

It is wonderful that you were fully present to say goodbye to your dad, to be with and a part of your family as they did the same, and to be present for your dad as he said goodbye to you.  As much as it hurts, it is an honest and wholesome pain . . . a pain that is supposed to be felt, not avoided in an active addiction that keeps you mentally, if not physically, isolated.  You were (and are) there for your dad, your family and yourself.  That's a good and wonderful thing.

Don't worry about staying clean forever.  Simply commit to staying clean and working on your recovery today.  If you're not going to use today, then you are doing everything you can do.  You can't not-use tomorrow, or next year, you can only not use and work on your recovery TODAY.  If you do just that, you are a complete success in recovery.

CATUF
2,136  
Helpful - 0
271792 tn?1334979657
Rick, I am just now starting to get back here. I saw this and my heart sank. I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't know what more I could add, I just wanted you to know you & your family in my heart and my prayers.

Hang in there and you will begin the grieving...your time, your way.

Big Hugs..
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Congrats on 291 days~~ Lean on us all you want.  That is what we are here for.      sara
Helpful - 0
1331115 tn?1536362140
Thanks you allfor your kind words, I know it will take some time to get over losing my Dad. I just need to take it day by day. I have 291 days clean and I promise my Dad that I will keep going and stay clean forever. I love him and miss him very much. Thanks again for letting meclean on all of you once again. God Bless you all---Rick
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
So sorry about your loss.  But what beautiful words you wrote and what a beautiful tribute to your dad to get off the oxys.  Whenever you think about taking one, think about your dad and the promise you made to him.  He'll guide you and help you through this.

I lost my mom nearly 5 years ago, and I lost my best friend.  Totally devastating for my entire family.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't shed a tear and have a laugh about her.  Grief takes a long time to process.  So during that time be kind to yourself.  Feel your feelings.  I truly believe if you don't, that's when things spiral out of control.
Helpful - 0
617347 tn?1331293081
I have just read your post and i am terribly sad and sorry for your loss, Rick... i have also lost my dad some years ago, he was my hero too and i miss him every day, i think i find the strength when i lack of it on his own strength and his memories... I am sure he had the ceremony he deserved and that you will keep your promise to him... we are here for you !!!!
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
That sounds like an unbelievable ceremony Rick! What a site to see! It goes to show how much your Dad meant to everyone.

You keep up the good fight. Not only for your Dad but for Ashley and more importantly, for you.

I hope you find peace. I'm sure it doesn't feel like you will but it will come eventually.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Rick, I am sorry for your pain. I too loved my father tremendously, and still do, although he has passed. That will never change.
Thank-you for sharing with us, such strong visuals. I can also hope that I pass with as much courage as my father, and yours. To be able to leave with a smile, and so much love,and grace. Be well my friend.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Rick---It's sounds like a touching ceremony;so well deserved.  Wait until Sara reads this...she'll love how they honored your Dad!   I got chills just reading and picturing it...

My best thoughts and a hug to you and Ash. You've been strong...you learned well...
Helpful - 0
1331115 tn?1536362140
Thank you all for your kind and caring comments. My Dad was was my hero, he was a great man. As a firefighter family we were all brought up to have strenght and courage. I owe it to him and myself not to use again. He loved me and all of my family and on his deathbed he told Ash not to let me fall into the abyss of addiction again. Ashley promised him that that wouldn't happen. Even on his last days he was more concerned about me than himself; that just shows the great character he had.

His funeral was unbelievable they brought my dear Dad from thre funeral home to the cemetary with a on a pumper and a prosession of fire engines from all over NJ & FYND. The road to the cemetary was lined with firefighters from his company. They all saluted him as he came to his final resting place. The FDNY sent him out as he should be A HERO. Sara I know you can appreciate this as your Dad was a great hero firefighter also.

Thank you all for letting me share this heartbreaking exeperience with you all. I feel that you are all my friends and you have helped me greatly through this difficult time.

To all of you trying to get clean please do it as you can see life how it should be without a drug haze. I love you all and God Bless all of you.---Rick
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
just wanted to offer my sincere condolences, I have been without vics since march 17th and now my late husbands mother is dying and I have to go stay with her and boy do I ever want a pill, I will pray for you that you can be strong through this difficult time.
So sorry again and keep posting this forum has been a life line for me
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm so sorry Rick. I too lost my dad 6 months ago, in October. I barely remember any of it because of the pills. I over medicated myself right before because I didn't want to feel the pain and continued until I couldn't anymore. My withdrawls were not bad and I believe my dad was with me to help ease the pain. I wish I had been sober in his last days and felt all the emotions I was pushing away with the pills. I only started the real grieving after stopping and it was terrible but a process most of us have to go through. Keep resisting the temptation and it helps me to know my dad is watching and is proud of me. I miss him so much as I am sure you do and will miss your dad. Most of us only get one daddy and to have such as awesome one with the legacy you tell is wonderful. God bless you and keep you stong! Carol
Helpful - 0
1402969 tn?1324690560
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with your family. Stay off the pills not only for yourself but for you dad!
Helpful - 0
393709 tn?1295964416
So sorry to hear of your loss.  I know how hard it is to lose a parent.  I lost my mom 7 months ago.  She also left behind an amazing legacy.  That makes it even harder, doesn't it?  
Let yourself mourn and know it will be a process and will take time.  
My prayers are with you.
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
My heart goes out to you and your family.  I know the emotions you are going thru.  He is no longer suffering but i know all of you are.  I lost my dad in 2006 to brain cancer.  It is shocking, numbing and just downright devastating.  Please PLEASE just let yourself feel all of these emotions.  My addiction escalated after my dad passed.  My biggest regret is that i was so totally messed up thru his illness and passing.  There isnt a pill in the world that will take away the pain cuz god knows i tried.

My dad was also a firefighter all his life.  He was taken to his final resting place on an old Luverne with 4 of the firefighters guarding the casket.   The fire dept lead the procession followed by the ambulances.  It was an awesome sight.

Your dad will live thru you now, feel his strength Rick, you will get thru this.  Stick close to your wife and family.  Again, my heart goes out to you~~~~~sara
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oh Rick...I'm sad for you.  I just lost a family memeber myself. It was sudden and stunning to say the least.  I have a large family as you do. I found that together we had strength!   So,yes,lean on eachother.    Personally,I didn't have any thoughts of "using". It's just not part of my life now. But,if I had,I would have told someone right away. Trust me,I was being watched...and that's okay with me!

You'll get through this. You'll cry and you'll feel. It's so important to grieve and let the feelings out.  He sounds like a wonderful man. You were a fortunate son....
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
Hey Rick....so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now. Do know that he is no longer suffering. You now have another Angel watching over you and your family. He is in an amazing place and one day you will reunite.

I'm so glad you didn't end up taking any percs. When my sister passed away I was clean but then I broke down and took some vicodin. You have no idea how much I regret that. I barely remember anything about the funeral and services and feel so guilty about that. I wasn't able to grieve until a few months down the road. Since it was a few months down the road the grieving process was completely different and I feel as if I cheated my sister and I know I cheated myself out of an emotional experience where I should have been sober. I'm not sure if any of that makes since. It's hard to put my feelings about all of that into words. Just trust me when I say you don't want to look back on the funeral and have the same remorse that I will always have to live with.

I know the funeral won't be easy but it will be easier in the long run once you make it through it sober. I do know you're stronger than that and that you won't use though.

Lean on your wife and family members for support and together you will all make it through this even though it feels like you won't right now.

Time does heal but you will always have a place in your heart for your Dad. Your Dad is looking down on you right now smiling because you are clean.

If you need anything, I'm here for you.

Hang in there buddy.
Helpful - 0
1655215 tn?1302954188
Rick, Im so sorry to hear of your dads passing.  I know how tough it is to resist a drug that "helps" you through.  If you don't need the drug for real pain....please don't take it.  You are going back to where you don't want to dig yourself out of again....withdrawls...depression...stay clean for you and your family.  Reach out to God and put him in control of your life.  Stay away from the perc pushers!! I wish you the best and stay strong.  Keep posting so we all know how you are doing.  
Helpful - 0
1580085 tn?1400940838
i just wanted to offer my sincere condolences, i am very sorry you lost your dad, i know it is very hard for you, but you have a great incentive to stay clean. and i know you will, take care, and god bless,   sudie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm so very sorry to read this quitinoxys. my condolences to you your family and all who have been touched by your Dad. I'm glad you did not take the perks. numbing now will just make what you are going thru so much worse when you stop. allow the grief to happen.. warmly lesa
Helpful - 0
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