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495284 tn?1333894042

Many Struggles today~

I saw so many people struggling today.  My question is why didnt anyone post a thread on the forum.  This is a "we" thing, not an "i" thing.  Cravings are a very difficult thing and should be taken seriously.  This needs to be talked about as it helps us all.
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Avatar universal
I agree with Sarah - due to time zone differences I just logged on and went through the nights (its morning here now) status updates and DAMN - everybody was struggling and as far as I can see we have lost one or two we dont have any updates on...

Many see your status updates but newbies, lurkers and others miss out on some potential relapse-avoiding advice and support...
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Avatar universal
Very good points.... We all would have benefited from it.....
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Avatar universal
You're right Sarah. I watched my wife sipping a before dinner glass of wine Saturday night and I started craving. I got the poor me's which could easily have turned into pour me a glass of wine. I started thinking, she can drink without disasters happening, why can I? Instead of being a grateful recovering addict I felt sorry for myself again. So, I started writing on this board, which brought me out of myself. (Relieved me of the bondage of self)

Addiction is a three-way disease. it's mental, physical, and spiritual. My addiction attacks me from 3 fronts. That's why every day I need to work my program of recovery. Every day I need to do a positive to prevent a negative. Every day I'm clean contingent on my  mental, physical, and spiritual condition. My addiction lurks.
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5347058 tn?1381188426
I know that I am horrible about reaching out and posting when I'm having cravings and issues. I guess I feel like I don't want to burden others and try to deal with it myself. It is so very important to reach out when  you are having a hard time. Call someone, post on here, go to a meeting. Just don't isolate! This is something that I am still working on.
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1827057 tn?1397520277
Good question Sarah !   Many people did reach out through pm and through status but did not post . I was extremely lucky to have been having a great day yesterday and a lot of us stayed busy answering pms and talking. It was a monumentally rough day for mh . There are a few people I am really worried about but they aren't talking.
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Please dont think that posting your struggles is a burden to others.  Being alone in our head is not a good playground when this happens.  
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5347058 tn?1381188426
I know that. It's just my stubborness I guess. (BTW, I was blessed to have a not so bad day yesterday. Last week was my bad time.) I am working every day on the stubborn thing and trying to get un-set in my ways . If I don't, it will be my downfall, and I know it.  Thank you for posting this Sarah.
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4202953 tn?1377183506
To be honest I always think that I shouldn't post the bad things on here because I'm afraid that someone will see that I have over 30 days and am still struggling and that will make them NOT want to stop/quit. Does that make sense? I know that being open and honest is the best but I guess I'm fearful that I'll scare off a lurker or someone that is on the brink of quitting because they'll think "oh no, she's still having w/d symptoms at 30 days!!!"
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1827057 tn?1397520277
I need to remember that ! Thanks Sarah !  I always try to reach out to at least one person but it is better to reach out to all. At my meetings we are "not allowed to talk about problems" so this is pretty much the place I go to for that and I am thankful for this place because of that.
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480448 tn?1426948538
I think it's better to put the God's honest factual truth out there.  The beauty of this forum, when people are participating, posting about where they're at in their recovery, the people reading can see it all...they can easily look at someone's id and follow their posts, see their experience.  They see the posts congratulating people on their clean times, and they see the ones that represent someone struggling.  The struggling is all too real, and the GREAT thing is that they get to see the replies of others, helping that person problem solve and cope.  THAT is priceless.

The thing about having those convos in statuses is that they're not as visible...especially to a new member.  A new member isn't going to pay attention to the statuses like the ones who have been around longer would.  They will be browsing and posting in the forum.  Also, the posts will show up in internet searches...there are people even BEYOND MH that everyone here is helping by sharing their battle.  

I think at this point, people's knee jerk reactions is to post most things in statuses, versus on the forum or in journals, etc, it's just a snowball effect.    I hate to think that valuable info that others could benefit from (including the author) may get lost in the shuffle, because that's exactly what happens when the statuses are used as the primary way to communicate IMO.  

The cool thing about MH is that there are so many different features that apply to different situations.  The journal feature can be used to share longer, more informative posts, or diary type entries...and there's the option to comment on the journals, which is cool.  I've seen loads of journals (look at the tram ones)...where people have their own convo about something going.  The Social side of this forum is a great place to let your hair down, have some fun, or just chit chat.  There are also user groups which are set up like the forums, but are started by and moderated by members.  That can be a neat way to communicate too.  MY personal opinion is that the statuses are most appropriate as a way to either draw attention to something, like "Check out my pics", or to post brief things, with brief comments, like inspirational quotes, or a little diddy on how you're doing.  The statuses have a pretty short word limit, and when you start seeing people have to post 3 or 4 times in a row on a status to reply, you have to wonder if that's the most appropriate kind of place to be having those discussions.  

Sarah, God love her, cares SO much about this place and everyone in it.  You guys are all awesome, wonderful loving giving people.  I know sarah worries that people are going to start falling through the cracks.  It's a genuine concern because people AREN'T interacting or reaching out like usual in the usual places.  Everything is happening on status updates, it's impossible to follow, and the sidebar only holds so many alerts as to what statuses are going, and the people on the forum, who aren't looking at those statuses either cannot help, or cannot reach out.  Plus, if someone DOES happen to post a status update reaching out, it's buried within minutes.

I say all of the above with all due respect, this is just my opinion. I'm not judging anyone, or telling anyone what they should do, not in any way shape or form.  I worry too.  I want to see people get the very most out of this place, and my HONEST opinion is, right now, people aren't.

Hugs to you all!!  XOXO
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1742220 tn?1331356727
well im at work so this will get short shrift for now but I and some people I know have talked about feeling reluctant to post about hard times especially if we've done it a lot in the past or if we have/had some time ... like feel bad about it, and people are tired of it ... etc. --mp
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4522800 tn?1470325834
Well I am like HappyDay2Come. Do to my time frame I did not want to discourage a Lurker or a New One. I have read on here that some do not crave any more and others will forever. I think we all our different in some areas. Just like I do not wake up and think of a drink. Have not drank in over 8 years but that concert a couple of months triggered me a bit. My Cravings come when I get my Compulsive Behavior kicks in to want to get ALL my work done at once. I am not used to just taking the day off or getting a bit done here and there, this turns into frustration and kicks in cravings to get wired up. I have Did a Big Change on this but yesterday at my 345d it just hit me hard. There where some MH friends that stayed with me for hours and walked me right through it..Today is a New Day and I thank them ALL for being there for me..I love Yas!!!!!!
Bless U All
Vickie
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4810126 tn?1503942735
I did notice that some posted it in their statuses. I know that doesn't give us quite the exposure that posting on forum would. Sarah, I'm glad that you reminded us. I know that some people also reach out to others in Journals, PM's, etc. -- Again, not the same thing. What I'm not seeing so far on this thread, are the specific peeps that were having a rough time of it yesterday/ last night. (It's as if there was something in the MH water supply or something!) Hopefully, they'll read it &/or chime in. I'm as guilty as the rest of not coming on forum w/ my hurt/issues in the past. I suppose that stoicism/self-punishment/not wanting to trigger others can be as detrimental as the other negative aspects of our 'disease'. However, I think it's better to reach out a little bit (journals, etc.) than not at all. It's a process & it takes time & work as we all know.
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Avatar universal
Glad I read this - I do not know of anywhere else to read except coming to "community' and seeing who has started threads and reading them, it gets confusing with the statuses, journals, PM's, notes, etc. and I feel like those are when people when to just talk amongst themselves and not publically (ie, on here) so I feel like I should not read those!

I'm glad to everyone who shares...and like someone else said, sometimes I feel bad posting is I have a 'bad" day because I do not want to discourage others! but I have gotten so much from you all - THANK YOU!  and I'm glad we can all feel free to post - vent - cry - scream - laugh - celebrate - complain - question - WHATEVER we need to, on here, that is how we all know we are not alone :-)
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480448 tn?1426948538
. However, I think it's better to reach out a little bit (journals, etc.) than not at all. It's a process & it takes time & work as we all know.

I agree completely!!

I know no one here would ever try to discourage people from reaching out in any way!  I think the main point is there has been a big shift from the conversations happening here versus in the status updates.

Farmgal brings up a great point too, when discussions are occurring in places other than here, it may be construed as more of a personal conversation.  That's true!  I for one would be MUCH less likely to reply in the middle of a conversation that feels very "personal" among very good friends versus on the open forum, where I feel the input is welcomed.   I know that you guys would more than welcome my input no matter where it is, but sometimes, you feel like you're stepping into a circle and interrupting, you know?  

The one thing is for sure no matter WHERE a person reaches out, is they're going to get support.  This forum always astounds me and out of all of MH, this is one of the more supportive places.

I think instead of getting the same handful of people to support you, open that door and post on the forum, where you'll get even more replies and more takes on your situation.  I know it isn't always easy, and there's probably a good bit of a "comfort zone" thing happening too.  People get close to others, and feel like they want to turn to those same people, because they "know" them better, which makes sense.  Addiction is ALL about moving out of that comfort zone.  Maybe MH is the perfect place to get practice with that?  Next time you're having a rough day, or are scared, take a chance and post on the forum.  There are SO many people waiting in the wings to help and I bet even MORE who are just reading, furiously shaking their head, because they "get it".  You guys don't even begin to know how much you help others, even when YOU are on the recipient end of the advice.

I think this is an AWESOME discussion.

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4810126 tn?1503942735
I think instead of getting the same handful of people to support you, open that door and post on the forum, where you'll get even more replies and more takes on your situation.

Couldn't agree more (as below):

I know that some people also reach out to others in Journals, PM's, etc. -- Again, not the same thing.

The fact is that people isolate & have to cut off their 'friends' in real life & just as in real life people form 'affinities' -- attachments to one another. It may not be perfect but it's better to have conversations (& some people find laughter/comaraderie to be just as much a necessary part of recovery/a good life as the other aspects.) I'm aware of the objections/difficulties that have been recently stated to this practice but I'd hate to see a whole group of people scared away from the site because of something as innocent as this. People are different from one another one. What works for some is not necessarily what works for others.

I agree that we should should push our comfort zones -- that we should be brave & compassionate. I believe that this also applies to others on the site because I see the same 'patterns' with other groups of folks -- just in different ways. Something to think about anyway.

We are here to work on ourselves & to be fully supportive & non-judgmental of others (though tough love is called for sometimes.) I believe we are only fully human through others. We're all on a path & are hopefully observant & open enough to learn from each other. But as
I said, it's a process...I'd rather someone journal & not post on forum than not journal @ all.

I'm far from perfect. I must work on my issues everyday. This is life. This is addiction. We are works in progress & must have patience with ourselves & others (not that I'm saying that you or anyone else is impatient -- I was speaking more about myself!) Your suggestions/points are appreciated & well-taken as always. Your thoughtfulness & care are always apparent. Thank you, my friend!  Annie

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4202953 tn?1377183506
I've been avoiding commenting about the status update issue but I'm going to go ahead and throw this out there...

I know that some of us newbies have been inclined to update in status' and have developed a really close bond by doing so. I think that we chose to do so in a status because it didn't seem important enough to come to the forum to post about (or to create a journal for). Because we all quit at the same time (around 6 of us) we all basically stalked each others profiles daily (leaving notes, commenting on one's status, PM-ing, journaling, etc) to give moral support. At that time we were the newest members and were clinging to each other for support and much needed laughter while going through the w/ds. This resulted in a bond forming amongst us and it has helped me so much. We never meant to break any unspoken rules regarding status updates...heck I didn't even know they were visible to the public until we were called out for updating and commenting on them so often.

Ever since this has come to light I notice that I'm not inclined to want to post or comment on anyone's status anymore because I feel that I'm silently being judged as not caring about the more important status'. Really aren't everyone's important? Even if it seems trivial to you maybe something as small as lyrics to a song is getting someone through the day!

I guess I just don't understand even though I'm trying to follow these newly disclosed rules of MH...
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1831920 tn?1320857757
I haven't been on this site for a couple years and I don't understand what your post means.  Can you please explain?  Who was struggling and what are you unhappy about?
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1827057 tn?1397520277
I too am now confused. I think that this thread was posted to tell people that they can and should reach out when they are struggling. ?

Many people were struggling yesterday. They all reached out and not just on status but also other areas.They reached out through PM and through journals. Unfortunately some of them did not respond anymore after reaching out initially.This had nothing to do with status being occupied or anything else.It just had to do with the fact that the original strugglers (most not all) did not follow up when we reached out to them following their posts made on different areas of MH. Many of these people had/has substantial clean time and knew well how to navigate. I can only hope that they pm'ed someone else here about the problems because we helped some and the others I still do not know what happened with them.
  
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Avatar universal
You guys all rallied yesterday and helped me and many others  tremendously! I should have posted out here but I felt bad... I didn't want to discourage anyone else! I see that it's important to do so BC recovery is NO cake walk!
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4202953 tn?1377183506
Perhaps I misunderstood, but I read this as a question as to why people did not specifically reach out by posting at thread on this forum and, instead, chose to do so via a status update/journal/etc. People did reach out yesterday through other means and, in my opinion, that is what is important. Maybe they don't feel comfortable reaching out on such a large community or perhaps they only want to vent without expectations of receiving feedback.

I'm honestly still learning the ropes around here and trying to understand how everything works. I hope I'm not offending anyone...I'm just genuinely curious as to why it matters how someone reaches out as long as it's being done.
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1827057 tn?1397520277
I made the roll call post to try to help cheer people up and put their clean time out there in black and white to see the value and maybe let us in on struggles but as I look back I should have titled it "roll call/what's your struggle ? "    I doubt it would have made a difference to the ones who posted once about their struggle and left and didn't answer when we reached out. Some people are going to do what they are going to do. I have been one of those people.Sometimes we snap .It is sad
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4522800 tn?1470325834
I agree Happy..I did not want to put my issues out to the whole world yesterday. Maybe I should of, but I did not want to disappoint the new ones with there positive attitude right now. A Positive Attitude will get them far.
I vented in my Status and got walked through it while I sat here. It all worked out and it made the cravings go away by talking with some of my MH friends. ANYBODY could of came in. I even said so. I needed feedback. I also wanted to hear from some with a long time in to see if these cravings ever go away. I guess we ALL our different in that matter. Maybe next time I will put it out here now..lol
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1827057 tn?1397520277
VIc and Rosy !!  You guys did great . You guys did what you were supposed to do. You voiced your struggles and you stayed there for support. I will tell you I just hope to the powers that be that I will do exactly the same thing when (not if) I go through a trying time !!!  You guys are awesome ;))
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