Mirage of a Mental Mt Everest

[jimbo286]

It feels as though this is an uphill battle from the start for me, because of my addictive lifestyle that I've entertained in the past few years I have brought myself down to new lows never thought attainable before pills, so right now the only place I can obviously go is up even though now that I have my security blanket of being high, being in my own little world that is not a part of reality....taken away it doesn't feel like I'm moving up in the world. Every fiber of my being is telling me well asking me in a demanding tone what the point any of this is, that my life is so progressively messed up that it is unfixable, pieces of the puzzle of my life are lost forever. Such a strong mental hold this habit of mine has over me...funny how your mind will work against you in order to have that euphoric feeling that never lasts and is always being sought after no matter the consequences of the real world no matter the sacrifice of morals that you make with yourself as a person.....I HATE who I am....who I have become I look at myself and loathe what I see, what I've done to people who have cared about me and that low feeling of self worth is the catalyst of me riding right back into the abyss of euphoria....Gotta be Strong...Gotta Hold On...It's All Worth it....In The End.....ahhh a complete battle of my demon and I is at work here! Wish me luck for my lifes sake lets hope this night goes well......be back later on I'm sure when I can't stand twitching in bed. Out of all of this rambling I guess my question would be how the hell can we find it in ourselves to look in the mirror and like what we see after all of the horrid things we've done and the horrid thing we may have become....do you ever look in the mirror and feel pleasant after having such severe drug addictions? ----Question from Mental Mt. Everest Climber---

[vicki595]

Hi~  I would like to post to you when you're not high.

If you want to be clean,the first thing you HAVE to do is WANT it no matter what. It won't work otherwise.