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415399 tn?1209504302

My Boyfriend's an "oxy" addict its killing our relationship

I dont know what else to do, have been living with him for a year now when he asked me to move in he neglected to tell me about his addiction and how dependant he was (is). I thought his lack of libido was unusual but after a year I now know better, I truly love him but his total lack of desire and the fact that he seems so unwilling to do anything about it is killing my self esteem as a woman. He is so self absorbed and treats me with total indifference, there is no point in issuing an ultimatum I would so lose. I have been patient to the point I qualify for a halo so now I spend my nights on the couch, have talked and told him how it makes me feel, what else can I do? accept the fact that we are never going to be anything more than roomates HELP.
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Avatar universal
I know this post is years old but my boyfriend is addicted to oxy too. I was living with him no interest in sex also the same indifference. What I dont get is I looked at his history on his computer and he searches prostitutes and erotic massage parlors. I moved back to home and ended things but I feel beyond hurt and bad about myself. I dont understand if he his libido is low why would he search for hookers?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My b/f was only on Oxy and his actions were pretty much the same way.  Seems to be in his "own" world, has no interest in "sex" or doing much of anything (which I've learned it is because drugs is the only thing that was interesting to him).  Drugs take them over completely and that is basically what they are living for.  Until they want to change, we either move on and/or live with it.  Luckily, my b/f is now taking Suboxone (only has 2 little pieces left) which has helped him to get off of the Oxy and time will tell if he will be able to stay drug-free.  If he doesn't, it will be "his" choice, but it will be something that I do not need to live with.  Hopefully, if he does stay drug-free, our relationship will return back to normal one day - that is what I am at least hoping and praying for.  Good luck to you.
Helpful - 0
415399 tn?1209504302
Yes you are right sex is not the major issue, a good relationship needs more than that, it is the lack of affection and the seemingly total indifference towards me that I interpret as he couldn't care less if I was there or not. I have explained how this makes me feel he seems to understand but seems incapable to do any thing about it.
So now I am just here and have decided to go about my own buisiness, get back into my hobbies, love making things with glass, sewing and a bunch more.
It is actually less stressful to me to think of us as roomates, I have been sleeping on the couch for months anyway. Thanks for all your advice, PS the methadone he got from someone else so he wouldn't get sick from W/D from the Oxy's, he has a Dr's appointment this am, so here we go again, gets his Oxy's refilled.
Helpful - 0
213991 tn?1214273019
Very true dove.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If it was a man on this forum complaining about not having sex with his girlfriend, what do you think the response would be?  I don't think your issue is about sex but more about lack of affection maybe?

Take if from an older woman when I say people don't change unless they have to, like some major thing such as arrest, health problems, money problems or so on. As long as he lives with you like he is things will remain the same unless you decide to shake things up and that means the unknown.

Dove
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Avatar universal
I understand EVERYTHING you're saying because I've said the same things a hundred times when others would try to help me regarding the ex. I guess I had to go throught what I went through before I realized it was time to leave.

I think you need to know that methodone is worse than opiates and that's why you see a change in him. Is the methadone use temporary (got it from someone) or is he in some kinda program? I think you really need to sit down and force him to talk to you---so when you make decisions at least you know what you're dealing with....
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
Personal experience like what you posted should never be disregarded...i dont think it matters if 2 people agree on a topic...all opinions matter and help the person who needs support
Helpful - 0
213991 tn?1214273019
disregard my last post. I didnt see yours before i posted mine.
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213991 tn?1214273019
thats how it was with me and my GF for about 2yrs we have been together 4yrs this april for 2 of those years i was a heavy opiate user. She has said the same thing you just said word for word. It wont get better unless he decideds to stop using sorry to say.
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
It is up to him to want to quit...it is up to u to stay or leave....u can support him if he chooses to quit...good luck
Helpful - 0
415399 tn?1209504302
Thank you all, usually everything (except the sex) is ok till he goes through withdrawls and he is usually not that bad just a bit bitchy never ever violent, we get along great, have a lot in common, but this time has been terrible he managed to get a hold of some methadone which is not helping in fact it seems to be making him worse, I love him dearly and he is a kind man but with a major problem, I could just ignore him, we live in a big house and I have my own study, but he needs me even if he doesn't show it, alright I know denial is not a river in Egypt, but he has no one else but me, his Mum passed away almost exactly a year ago and that is when things took a turn for the worst, I know its not going to get any better till he decides to do something and the problem is only going to escalate, but its good to be able to talk to you all about it thanks. PS I have green eyes also
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do...it's all up to him. The fact that he is unable or unwilling to address this with you says alot and you know it does, you just need to hear it from others.

I was in a relationship with an alcoholic/addict and it took me 3 yrs. before I was strong enough to leave him. But I did and life is much better for me...

Addiction is a progressive disease and until he stops it will get worse. My ex was a kind man who could be a little on the meek side until one day when he was high he beat me up pretty good and to be honest I really thought he couldv'e killed me...his eyes were empty and dead and it was a very scary experience.

If it was me I would attempt to talk to him 1 more time and if he's unwilling I would know that I had no choice but to move on. Believe me, I know how much it hurts and how you will worry about him but please understand that it WILL get worse. Nothing is worth your self esteem or your sanity. God Bless.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yep, Accept that fact that you are roommates and until he changes things will remain the same. I'm in the same boat so I speak from experience.
Good luck,

D
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
There is nothing you can do. He has got to want to help himself. I know you don't want to hear that but it is true. He may love you but he loves the high more. Try not to let it ruin your self-esteem. It does not matter who you are, he loves the high more than he even loves himself! I know, I've been there!
Helpful - 0
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