About 3 1/2 years ago I overcame an addiction the hard way. I had been taking around 40-60mg hydrocodone a day for about a year. I was younger, barely 21, just out of a hellish relationship and Vicodin was my soulmate. I was spending upwards of 400 bucks a month on my addiction. For me, this was a lot of money at the time.
My supplier's supplier then got pinched and I no longer had a source for getting my opiates. After I started the withdrawals I decided I was never going back. It wasn't worth it. 2 days into detox I got a call from someone who could supplement me. My thinking, I was already this far, why go back? I said no and continued to be miserable. Opiate withdrawals have always been really hard for me to explain to people that have never had them.
Basically, I equate it to what dying must feel life. Like Cancer or a disease ripping you apart from th inside out. You don't want to live. 8 months later I was 100% clean from opiates feeling better than I ever had. I lost the extra 20 pounds I gained during the detox and depressing days following the physical withdrawals. I was going out again, I was doing good work, it looked as though I had got my life back. I barely thought of opiates anymore. I was getting laid a lot more again and I was motivated and I think that helped.
Before I go any further I want to say, I have been on every drug imaginable short of Heroin itself and speed. I have smoked crack, I have done coke for weekends at a time, I have been a heavy drinker for months at a time and NOTHING makes you feel worse than going off opiates. Nothing feels better either. Vicodin makes you feel unstoppable, invincible. Not in a destructive sort of way, like I thought I could fly, but I felt confident, capable of anything but still felt grounded. It's an unbelievable feeling. If I could feel that way forever without worrying my body telling me to F off if I ever stopped, I WOULD IN A SECOND. Unfortunately, that's not the case, I do not condone heroin use, but I do understand it.
Anyway, February rolls around and I am doing great. I met a new lady friend and things are going well, I just got a raise at work, I'm now making over 45k a year at age 23 with full health and dental benefits. Then some ******* ran a red light and ruined my life. Totaled my car, piece of glass went through my head, straight through it, causing bulges in my cervical spine as well as eventually a clean fracture in my lumbar spine with a pars defect. Called spondylolithesthis , or something closely spelled to it. Within the first year I lost motor function in my right leg and was taking upwards of 60-100mg of hydrocodone just to function. This was not the fun time taking opiates. However, I was as responsible as possible, candid, made all my doctors appointments, etc.
Then I developed for the first time a real tolerance. Now, I at never point in my opiate history have been at a point where taking a 7.5/10 mg viocdin did not give it's desired effect. Sometimes it didn't last as long but it worked in small doses.
I wake up one morning and I am feeling WD symptoms. I give the norco 15 minutes to kick in. So, after 20 or so minutes of nothing, I take another because the withdrawals are starting to feel worse. NOTHING. So, I wrap another in tissue paper, crushed up and parachute it. This ONLY kicks the withdrawal symptoms. Pain is still there, no high. This worries me. So, I go directly to my doctor and tell him what is going on. He puts me on 30mg Opana ER twice a day and 6 norcos a day for breakthrough pain. For the first month or so, I was fantastic. Then, again I start having heavy withdrawals symptoms very morning after 2-3 months into my new rx. A friend of mine that had been telling me to crush up the opana and snort it for a long time. I was scared of that until the withdrawals got so bad, I finally did it. I would break up a 30mg pill into 3 doses by snorting. Everything went back to normal. I wouldn't get the high I used to, but I didn't feel sick. Then I started feeling very strange. Really strong withdrawals, unimaginable pain, sweating like a hooker on death row, tightness in my chest, and a slow heartbeat. Not to mention my pupils were wacked. This started to scare me so much that this past Tuesday, I went in and told my doctor I wanted off the narcotics.
I should also point out that when I was on vicodin, I never missed one day of work and felt fine. The 5 months on Opana I started having trouble getting out of bed, trouble focusing, etc.
Anyway, I go back to my doctor and tell him I am having a lot of trouble with the Opana and I want off the narcotics. I am still in pain and need spinal fusion surgery but I am now on disability and can not afford spinal fusion and I cant start a new job(I got laid off right when our company merged with another) to afford the surgery while on these meds. My pain doc was such a ****. I told him Opana made me feel like I was dying when I was on it and when I was off it. His solution was to ween me off of the Opana.
The Opana was making me so scared that I personally went from 90 mg(perscribed dose) to maybe 50mg on a bad day usually 30-40 mg. Whenever I took Opana I got these weird symptoms, like I was going to die. When I was off it was the same but in a different way. I stopped taking the meds as much because I was scared. I feared my reaction to the meds more than the pain and withdrawals and his solution after hearing this was to stay on the meds and lower my dose. Attributing all of my symptoms to slowing down my dose on my own, ignoring me when I told him I did it because the symptoms happened first. Anyway, I keep telling him I do not want to take Opana anymore, it scares me, even when I take it responsibly now. He ylled at me and told me I was annoying him. ******* *****.
Now, I understand I am not a doctor and that is all well and good but I know my body. Taking this med gave me undesirable effects. This to me rang of him being in someone's pocket. It's kind of ironic that I had never heard of Opana being perscribed to pain patients then all of a sudden anyone on OxyContin or something strong is magically being put on Opana at one time. This infuriated me but what choice did I have? I wanted off the meds.
So, he started me on a 16 day regimen:
Day Morning Night
1 30mg Opana ER - 15mg MS Contin ER
2 30mg Opana ER - 15mg MS Contin ER
3 30mg Opana ER - 15mg MS Contin ER
4 30mg Opana ER - 15mg MS Contin ER
5 30mg Opana ER - 15mg MS Contin ER
6 30mg Opana ER
7 30mg Opana ER
8 30mg Opana ER
9 30mg Opana ER
10 30mg Opana ER
11 15mg MS Contin ER
12 15mg MS Contin ER
13 15mg MS Contin ER
14 15mg MS Contin ER
15 15mg MS Contin ER