Aa
A
A
A
Close
Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
32.1k Members
Avatar universal

My Wife is not methadone and our life together is horrible

My wife has been on methadone 1.5 years prior to when we met and a total of 10.5 years. She got in these cause she had a pill issue. During this period she spent the first 1/2 working, getting chronic infections (uti, sinus, ear, respiratory) and the last half well the infections have gone down but she doesn't work or do anything.
A year ago we planned a taper from 150mg down to 30mg and for her to get on Suboxone. I just found out she spent that year lying to me and everyone. She never tapered down, well she got down to 110mg.
Between methadone and suboxone there is a 72 hour period where you are not suppose to take anything. Well she attempted that but on 110MG  which is insane. She failed. She went back to the methadone clinic and all the while for 7 weeks I'm thinking she's on suboxone.
She also gets prescriptions for benzo's, takes sleeping pills at night. I want her to be better and get some help.
Now we have a 3 month plan for her to get from 130MG of methadone to 40MG and do the change. What should I be doing here? Am I just going to get played again? Something has to change or I'm leaving!
5 Responses
Avatar universal
Hello Tylerdurden.. Welcome to the forum. Your wife is doing exactly what a drug addict does when active. We lie. We may have every intention of doing what we say but our active addiction is louder. Your wife is on a Deadly combination of drugs Benzos and Methadone have lead to many deaths from OD and respiratory failure. I'm really surprised the clinic approves of this mix. We are not allowed to give taper advice although the clinic will taper her if she demands it I think 10mgs a week. You cannot force a addict to get clean. You can not threaten a addict to get clean If she were to do it for You she would eventually fail. Your wife has to want this as bad as you do. She should be attending counseling but the clinics are a joke They enslave addicts with their high doses and make money off them. It is really scary for a addict to come off their drugs. I would suggest maybe getting your wife on here if she is willing to just read for awhile Maybe it will give her the spark she needs to want this for herself. I wish I had better advise. I would suggest for you to check out AlAnon It is a support group for loved ones of addicts You may come to a understanding. I know this must be very difficult for you my heart goes out but forcing a addict never works. I wish you both well. lesa
1 Comments
Could not have said it better than lesa. Your wife must want this for herself....as much as you want it for her. AlAnon would be a great benefit for you. Peace to you both.
Avatar universal
Thanks for the two responses. Yup I hear this now. I really thought she was doing it. I cannot believe I did all the work thinking she was resting because she was tapering. Tom we got into the Methadone clinic together she is dropping 10MG. This will be her first true drop. I don't know if she wants it or not. But everyone is now watching her.
All her $/privileges have been taken away. After she gets to 40MG she goes in treatment for suboxone.  
I never knew this was the lie/life we were living, I don't know what to do. I've had her back for 9 years and she, well she has done nothing to have mine recently.
4 Comments
The clinic didn't approve that. That's why she is now being forced to taper. She's doing all this behind everyones back.
We do not even have our own back while active much less someone else's. I strongly suggest you find out how she feels about all this for with a addict If she is not on board all this work you are doing will be for nill. You can force her but you need it to last Your wife is the only one that can get into recovery You cannot do it for her she is the one that has to do the work If her heart is not into it all the restrictions on her will not matter It will not matter who is watching her. If it were that easy as our loved ones forcing us watching us none of us would have a problem. This Is the problem for it to work it has to come form us. We will be here for support.. for you for your wife. I still hope your wife comes on herself as she is the only one that can work her recovery..
the clinic is forcing her?
it still leaves the same problem of your wife not going for her own recovery. Not following thru. AA NA are good support for addiction also Counseling but she has to be willing. So much of this depends on your wife. If she does not want it more then she wants to breath she will not find it.
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
To add to all of the great advice above....I'm wondering if it's been suggested yet that you NOT go to suboxone?  Is it not possible to follow the taper off of methadone and have her get into a recovery program? IMO...your going to be spinning your wheels because she's going to have to taper and come off of the suboxone as well.  You're literally switching from one replacement drug to another?  Once she tapers off the methadone...why start up again with another drug she will have to remove eventually anyways?  
Most people on this site have been exactly where your wife is now....stuck!  Weening down with the clinic and possibly getting into a 30/60/90 inpatient for the the last 10mg so she can have recovery surrounding her while she's at her weakest?  Just a suggestion...
1 Comments
Bump
1326856 tn?1499706442
sorry to say this ,but nothings gonna change til she her self wants to stop...no forcing or ultimatums are gonna work...if she is being forced to do any of this it will never work...
4810126 tn?1503942735
Hi there,

What everyone is saying is gospel. She MUST want this for herself 1st & foremost. Otherwise, she is doomed to eventual failure.

From what I'm reading, one of the more difficult features of the situation, is her use of Benzos. As Lesa mentioned,
Benzos are generally contra-indicated -- particularly at the kind of dose your wife is at. As I see it, Benzos are 1 of the scourges of "clinic culture". They are usually obtained by buying off another member with a script which binds the client to others there in an unhealthy, drug-fueled way. Even if she has a scrip, Benzos are hard to kick, potentiate the methadone & lead to really cloudy thinking, unwise behaviors & a sort of lockdown mentality when it comes to making progress towards recovery. The methadone itself is hard enough to kick but I believe the addition of Benzos makes it a nightmare.


If & when your partner truly wishes to take steps, I would suggest that with Dr. supervision, she be tapered off her Benzos while still stabilized on her regular dose of methadone. This will make a very difficult & debilitating situation easier by half with the side benefit of much clearer thought & action when she is only on methadone. I would then suggest a slow (operative word there!) taper from her methadone over the course of the next year to year & a half. A slow taper is the preferred & most effective way to get off Methadone. It is arguably the hardest opiate to detox from & stores in your bones & tissue. She has been on for quite some time at a highish dose & the drug must be given time to leach from her system. Otherwise she will undergo an extended hell that has the potential to last years (& I speak from experience ). The most likely outcome, though, is relapse. As she becomes more clear-headed & hopefully motivated as she is able to safely & slowly taper, counseling must be engaged for real -- not just to satisfy  some fed & state regs! If her clinic is a joke -- a mill -- then it's key that you engage help outside. She also has the option of NA so that she can make clean friends while she tapers & get more inspired by success stories (which are in short supply at clinics!) I would also suggest that she do things that will build a life for her along the way, like employment & engaging life again in other healthy ways. These things will bolster her sense of self which is desperately low right now & set her up for success. Remember, as serious as the physiological changes in her brain/body are & as rough & extended as detox may be, the primary issues are psychological. She must want this, work at it harder than anything she's ever done & build an existence that makes her feel comfortable in the world & with herself. She has many new life skills to learn. When people don't do this, or if they stop doing it when things are tough, they relapse (again, experience:)

On a final note. I'm not sure who told you that 40 mgs was an ok dose to jump to Subs from but it's really not advisable.  40 mgs is what is known as a blocking dose -- meaning it's considered high enough to block most cravings from even powerful opiates & to keep up a high enough concentration of methadone metabolites in the patient's blood to keep them stable for 24 hrs (barring rapid metabolizers or extraordinary opiate habits). In fact, responsible & knowledgeable Suboxone Drs. will insist that you get down to 20 mgs or less (the lower the better) before an attempt is made to bridge the 2 drugs. Methadone to Subs is a notoriously difficult transfer. The patient must be highly motivated to make the change which takes a good amount of time to adjust to & can be quite uncomfortable for awhile. Subs do not compare to Methadone in terms of euphoria & painkilling properties. Methadone is a full agonist while subs are only a partial agonist-antagonist. Also, subs are probably second only to Methadone in terms of difficulty & duration to detox from. I would at least reevaluate the reasons she wants to move to Subs. Unless she is being forced into an "undoable" rapid, mandatory detox from Methadone, I would at least consider the plan outlined above & taper her slowly all the way off Methdone with plenty of medical supervision, full on  counseling/life-building & of course, your wonderful care & support. She's in a rough spot & the odds against her need all the tweaking & wisdom you can throw at them. Please, if possible, get her to the site if possible. She can do this. There have been many here who have. She's just not in a place yet where she believes she can do it.

We're here for you both:)
Have an Answer?
Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
For people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the COVID-19 pandemic can be particularly challenging.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.