Need MAJOR help or support!

[Teresa1717]

I really need advice/support tonight! I know its slow here today and maybe even just typing this will help me.

My day started off great! Enjoying Christmas with my mom and my family has been fantastic! But, I found out 2 nights ago My cousin was coming into town but she was suppose to be staying in a hotel. Now I just find out thats not the case, that she is staying here with us! This is a problem and I will tell you all why!

She and I used together MANY times and for many years! Infact, she is the one who got me to smoke cocaine when I was 14 years old. She is the one who got me drunk for the first time. She is the one who on many occasions has sold me pills. Her and I use to do everything together until I moved away 10 years ago. Then we would just get high when she would visit or vice versa.  I would many times over the years try to tell her no, but was always unsuccessful. I havent seen her in about 2 years, and havent talked to her at all since I got clean.  

When I got clean, I cut off ALL my ties!! Everyone who I used with, bought from, I told Dr's. Everything! Anything that would be a trigger for me in that regards, I took care of. Except her! She is a trigger, and one I have never been able to say no to! I always idolized her. I wanted to be her. I did! I became her, a drug addict!

I told her earlier today that I was clean, and she just laughed and said "seriously? Oh, well, hows that working for you?"  My parents both know about my recovery, and I have told them alot of things about what using did to me, but they dont know everything! And my cousin does, and Im afraid if I stir too much stuff up with her that she will let those things "slip"

I am really uncomfortable with how this day is turning out and I realy need advice from someone, anyone! I called my sponsor and left her a message, but its Christmas and I really dont want to bother anyone so Im hoping I can reach out here and get some help/advice/support.

[Teresa1717]

Thanks girl

[YesLife4Me]

Gotcha!   I can see how that would be a problem.   You have got to set boundaries with her that you are not going back and that she doesn't need worry about not being a part of your life as long as she isn't tempting or taunting you.  My phone is about to die...sending you hugs and support.  You got this because you want it!  

[windupbirdet]

Teresa thats how it starts...it just takes one sip on wine to slip up....you need to get out of there fast!

[Teresa1717]

Oh and just to add to that, when she offered me the wine I initially said no and then after she said that, she made me feel bad and so I took it!! Granted I only took 2 sips and then poured it out, but this is what i am talking about! She makes me feel bad or guilty or something.I dont know.

[ricart70]

I have to work with a guy who is high every day and always on the phone with cnects and always talking about it.It does tend to get you stirred up.I would leave if you could and go stay somewhere else until she leaves if it's really threatening your state of mind.I don't know if that's possible but just throwing it out there

[Teresa1717]

Well, To be honest I dont know if she would. I do know that she can be vengeful and I have seen that with other people. Its not that I am worried that if I tell her no, if she tries to get me to use, that she will say anything. I mean I guess I am worried about that. But I am frightened of her just being here and me not being strong enough. She already gave me a hard time because I didnt want a glass of wine! She said "oh come on, its not like im offering you blow!"  

I dont know how ot distance myself from her and be here with my mom! Being here with my mom this year is so very important to me!