Need MAJOR help or support!

[Teresa1717]

I really need advice/support tonight! I know its slow here today and maybe even just typing this will help me.

My day started off great! Enjoying Christmas with my mom and my family has been fantastic! But, I found out 2 nights ago My cousin was coming into town but she was suppose to be staying in a hotel. Now I just find out thats not the case, that she is staying here with us! This is a problem and I will tell you all why!

She and I used together MANY times and for many years! Infact, she is the one who got me to smoke cocaine when I was 14 years old. She is the one who got me drunk for the first time. She is the one who on many occasions has sold me pills. Her and I use to do everything together until I moved away 10 years ago. Then we would just get high when she would visit or vice versa.  I would many times over the years try to tell her no, but was always unsuccessful. I havent seen her in about 2 years, and havent talked to her at all since I got clean.  

When I got clean, I cut off ALL my ties!! Everyone who I used with, bought from, I told Dr's. Everything! Anything that would be a trigger for me in that regards, I took care of. Except her! She is a trigger, and one I have never been able to say no to! I always idolized her. I wanted to be her. I did! I became her, a drug addict!

I told her earlier today that I was clean, and she just laughed and said "seriously? Oh, well, hows that working for you?"  My parents both know about my recovery, and I have told them alot of things about what using did to me, but they dont know everything! And my cousin does, and Im afraid if I stir too much stuff up with her that she will let those things "slip"

I am really uncomfortable with how this day is turning out and I realy need advice from someone, anyone! I called my sponsor and left her a message, but its Christmas and I really dont want to bother anyone so Im hoping I can reach out here and get some help/advice/support.

[conhall]

Hi I just saw this and I am so sorry you had to go through this and Got hurt(Black Eye)
Sounds like your cousin maybe is afraid that since your clean and not using anymore you wont idolize her anymore. The lifestyle is not glamorous at all. Maybe she idolizes you and by you using with her before made it okay for her.
And now that you are clean she had to try and knock it instead of supporting you with the Comments "Hows that working out for you" You should of said Its working out great and this is what I have done to get clean and its my #1 priority and I am glad you are here because You are one of my triggers and I need you to know this because we are family and I Know you care about me so I need your help can you please not ask me or offer me alcohol or drugs I dont expect you not to use but for me its not an Option! And teresa if she really does care she will respect the choices you have made. and that doesnt work you have to remove yourself from that situation and I am sorry if your parents get hurt but I am sure they would be more hurt if you relapsed.
I am sending you all my support 110% of it. You can get through this. Stay strong and dont back down to anything with her. Your parents will understand.

[dominosarah]

As a parent i understand disappointment.  It is your actions that we are disappointed in.  We still love our children, that never changes~

[selfinduced]

Teresa, I'm just tapping in for a quick sec. So proud of you. All the way around. Thats it. Don't get caught up in the ill's of others. You've worked too hard. Hold your head high, find grace where you can and put the rest in the God box. More later.......xx

[Missshawn]

How are u doing today? Look I believe in honesty. Everything you think your crazy has over you..write it down.. Sit down with you mom and read it off..or hand the letter to her to read.. She my not be as upset as u think.. You won't no until u tell her...

[Norco1947]

Hi Teresa ,  We have no control of our past , What is done is done . We can control our present . Live a better life .
You made a choice to get sober . From that point on you are in control .
No other person has the power over you .
You did great saying no to pills and standing up to your cousin . This will be a good lesson to us all .
The black eye will go away in a day or so , The pride in yourself will last forever ... Very proud of you ... Ron

[Dane74]

OHHH T, I am so very sorry all that crap happened to you, that is just awful, its hard enough knowing pills are around, no less put in your face, WOW girl, i am so proud of you!!!!  The temptation I'm sure was so strong and look how much control you had, now that is something to be so proud of!!!!  You are in control and she is not, she is just jealous of you and she was trying to bring you down with her, again, you the winner here my friend!!!!  I am just so happy for you!! XO

[YesLife4Me]

This is a great reminder to all of us at how ugly addiction is!   You done great and good things do come out of bad situations when we are honest about our addiction.  Im sure your mom is even more proud of you and your accomplishments in overcoming what this has done to you in the past.   Ok...really have to go get ready for work now.  Lol!

[NeedingHope4Me]

YAY I am sooo glad you made it through that Teresa *hugggggz* It's weird how others ugliness can show us why being clean is such a great thing huh?? lol I was juuuust there..not as horrible as your situation of course but I am glad we are both on the sober side after the bullcrp..lol

Its soo good to hear that you can finally be open and honest with your mom..that is a HUGE step ..

Hope your feeling better today <33

[Teresa1717]

I am not going to give my power up to her!! She showed me last night the uglyness of addiction, and it was like looking in a mirror at myself only a few months ago! I may not have done exactly what she did, but I did equally bad stuff!  Last night showed me WHY I want to stay clean and why I am fighting so hard for this thing called sobriety!

My mom and I had a long talk about all of it this morning! She is disappointed in me, but understands it wasnt me who did those things, That it was my addiction. We have alot more to talk about but it will all be good :)

Thanks again everyone and as DS said, Using is NOT an option! :)

[surgsick]

WOW Teresa! I am truely sorry that all this came down like it did and when it did. That being said, YOU ARE COMPLETELY FREE NOW! No more concern, worry, fear, shame and guilt to keep poking its ugly head at you and tempting you anymore. ALL SHAME IS GONE! Your Mother and Father knew that you were an addict and this is just a "sobering" reminder of WHY you wanted, needed and DID get clean! I am so proud of you! STRENGTH! That is what you showed your family today. DETERMINATION is what you showed all of us newbie's on med help (me) and PRIDE is what your parents are feeling ( if not instantly then eventually will) after seeing their daughter (who has dealt with addiction head on) FACE ALL THAT and STOOD HER GROUND and STILL BE SOBER!!  WTG!!!! SO HAPPY YOU CAME OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE SUCCESSFUL!!!  

Shame is an awefull feeling and Guilt is shames brother. Those feelings alone can keep an addict using or cause relapse. I think after the dust settles everyone will be better for the truth being out. Who knows sweetie, maybe this will help your cousin in the long run too. I know that this has helped me to understand that this is WAY more than a pill and its effects on receptors and the body. Stay strong and remember "This too shall pass" Much love and prayers sent your way <3 Laura (4dys)

[dominosarah]

When you talk with your mom explain to her this is what drugs do to a person.  She may be upset right now finding out about your felonies but once she processes this she will come around.  It;s okay for her to be upset.  As for your cousin....I will say this as nice as i can...Kick that b!tch to the curb.  She can justify her using all she wants but she is a full blown addict who is losing all control.  Dont you dare give up your power to her.  She cant make you do anything you dont want too.  You are in control of you now.  Take a long hard look at what happened tonight, she acted the fool and this is what addiction looks like.  You dont live there anymore so continue to move forward and be grateful this isnt you.  Using is NOT an option~

[littlebit667]

Theresa...it seems to be she was going to tell your mother anyway.  Nothing you were going to say was going to stop that.  She manipulated you so she could do what she said she would do.  I really don't think if you had done anything different would have made a different outcome.  Likely, she is jealous of your sobriety and wanted to get even.  You did good.  The secret is out and now it is up to you to help your family understand.  Take care of yourself.

[meegWpaw]

Hey Teresa just want to tell you again that you have my support and admiration.  Maybe like you said it's a good thing in the long run that you level with your mom.  It will probably be painful for both of you but as you indicated you will rest much easier and be at peace with yourself about all of that.  What an incredibly great job you have done with this whole thing!  You came out clean and strong.  You're fantastic, Teresa!  but you know that.

[Teresa1717]

Its a long story Pat, but I was going to leave to just make things better for tonight, for my mom because she feels bad for her but after this all happened, she stormed out of the house and My dad finally found her and just called me and told me he is [paying for her to stay in a hotel. Im fine with that and would prefer that. I have alot I need to talk to my mom about now

[Pat1956100]

So she told your mom, gave you pills, pushed you and gave you a black eye, yet you have to leave?  What's wrong with that picture?

[Teresa1717]

Thanks guys, So things got ugly here. I did try and talk to her, but she was high and drunk and it resulted in me throwing the pills in her face that she thought would  be funny that she put on my dresser, then she pushed me, I have a black eye, I told her to leave and she did but not before She decided to tell my mom that she shouldnt think im such a good person, that she doesnt know Im a convicted felon. My mom is very upset right now and I will need to explain everything to her but I guess im glad its out now so I dont have to be afraid of her finding out anymore.

Anyways, Im leaving here for the night to go to my brothers, but I will say this, Looking at how she was, reminded me of WHY I want to stay clean!! I Was her years ago, months ago and I dont ever want to be like that again! I Dont idolize her anymore, I pity her!

Thank you everyone for your advice and support!

[nursegirl6572]

She's not going to start telling your secrets, as I'm sure you have enough dirt on her too...works both ways.

Remember hon, no matter WHAT, she can't MAKE you use.  If anything, hold your head high and prove her wrong.  She has probably spent the whole XMas day coutning pills, planning her next "dose"...you're FREE of that!  Celebrate that.  Spend time with the other members of your family...soon enough she'll be gone.  How long is she staying?  If you have to, after today...just get out of the house...make excuses to go anywhere and do anything until she's gone.

I have NO doubt you can do this!

[clean_in_ks]

Can only share what I would do, girl.  I would ask for a short private conversation with her ASAP.  If there isn't a place at your parent's home that would be comfortable for a SHORT talk then I'd go to a public place for a cup of coffee or something.  A safe, public, nonalcohol
environment.  But, even in your bedroom if it's private enough to suit ya.
I would ONLY tell her simple facts.  Draw new lines in the sand.  Be FIRM
with your voice and boundaries.  I would say I have come to a place in my life that I no longer choose to do ANY kind of mind altering substances.  I don't expect you to understand or agree.....but I DO expect you to love me and respect me enough to honor this choice.  If you can't do this for me, I won't be able to be around you.  
If that option doesn't work out, share with your mom and dad (or whomever you think best) that your recovery MUST come before all else in your life right this very minute.  That you have trigger issues, or anxiety issues or whatever you are comfortable sharing.....and you MUST put space between you and your cuz .
I have HUGE trigger issues with one of my family members.  I simply CANNOT be around her right now.  I KNOW this in the depth of my soul.
In my case, I can just not BE around her most of the time, but in this case you were caught offguard, surprised, already fearing manipulation and then the wine offer where you didn't stick to your guns in your own house and then her sarcastic comments.  She simply WON'T understand your heart or commitment if she's still using.  But YOU can be strong enough to say this.....it's time to get this boundary drawn with her.  You may just be the very person that will be helping her on down the road.  What a deal that would be??
But for now.....YOU have to PROTECT you.....and you have to BELIEVE in yourself enough to know you CAN talk to her Teresa!  You ARE strong enough......heck look at all the tests you've been thru in the last 30 days for pity sakes!!!!  She will stop feeling like a threat to you when you draw your NEW line......it ALL WILL BE WELL....YOU will DO GOOD!!  I certainly wouldn't feel like you have to go into ANY great detail with her or JUSTIFY yourself.  You don't NEED her approval or her manipulation.....you've grown beyond this already, girl.  Please check back in and let us know how you're handling all this.  NOTHING is worth your sobriety.  And secrets that are still kept may come out at times that are beyond our control which is why they say secrets make us sick and they grow in the dark.  
You've come a long way baby and there isn't anything in your past that can hurt you anymore.  ( p.s. be sure to talk to your sponsor as soon as you can and hit a meeting ok?)  Big hugs~

[JephWyte]

I personally have dealt with these situations and while I am not a confrontational person, I am a fighter when it comes to things I feel passionate about. I'll fight anyone physically, verbally, emotionally, spiritually if I KNOW I have ethical ground to stand on. I can tell you what I would say but you will need to back the words with strong emotion so she knows how serious you are. If I happen to be around someone who is drinking and they try to pressure me into having one or getting high or anything I explain,
   "You know I'm in recovery and I'm there for a reason, my ENTIRE LIFE was going down the sh****r. If I didn't stop I would DIE. What you're asking me to do might not seem like a big deal to you but you don't know how it is for me. I guarantee you if I give in it will ruin my life and end up KILLING me and neither one of us want to know you facilitated something like that. If you love me or respect me or even just don't hate me for God sakes then you wont bug me about it again. And if you do, well with all due respect you can politely f**k off."

  lol, obviously that isn't meant to be used ver batem but you get the idea. (If pushed far enough I DO add the explatives :) I hope everything is still holding up for you. Keep us posted!

[Leaveurfearsbehind]

I hope she makes another post. I'm worried about her.

[IBKleen]

What's going on now? I just got here...

[Leaveurfearsbehind]

Hang in there Teresa. I've had so many triggers today also but I've stayed clean. Your such a inspiration to me and you've helped me and others more than you'll ever know! Stay strong and keep posting if you need to. I'm praying for you!

[Teresa1717]

Well, Thank yall for listening...I guess im on my own at the end of the day and will  have to figure it out

merry christmas

[marycarmel]

I don't post often but I read here everyday.  Keep posting and posting to keep yourself strong.  You've done fabulous and you CAN say no.  You worked really hard to get where you are!  Do whatever you have to ... take a walk, go to bed early, fake not feeling well.  When will she be leaving?  I would hope she wouldn't drag up things to your family but if she does, you just have to keep your chin up and say, "That's all in the past."  You just keep posting and getting support and you'll get through this!