Need Support/Advice For Desperate Final Attempt At Sobriety

[sk8trnate]

Hi guys, I know it's not often you hear a 17 year old kid wanting to get sober... And that is exactly why it has been such a struggle for me. I have been using anything I could get my hands on to cope with anxiety/depression/insomnia/add, or just to be happy and have fun. I already went through an inpatient treatment program almost two years ago, and pretty much lied my way through it. I didn't want to admit I had a problem for years, just rationalized it with what "everyone else was doing". The fact was, I was the only one my age doing lines of coke in the bathroom stall between classes, only one stealing from my family and friends just to have money to support my habit. I have amazing and supportive parents, but I have told them so many times that this time would be the last time, that they don't believe me anymore... and I don't blame them. I've went to celebrate recovery classes, but no one my age is in them. I am the drummer in our church worship team, and little do they know I've been struggling with my sobriety for so long. (I live in a rural farm town of 2000 people, and everyone drinks and parties) I moved around a lot, so that isn't in my heritage, and I don't feel like I fit in, because I don't. The fact is, I have accepted the fact that I'm the only kid my age trying to straighten my life out before my 18th birthday in a month, so I don't screw up my life forever. I haven't been sleeping at all because I've been on and off of cocaine the past few weeks, and today I finally threw all I had left away. I really need to make it happen this time. I have cried, prayed to God, and spent hours in his word the last week when I was up all night. Every time I get clean I go through an insane period of depression, anxiety and paranoia. During those few months that my brain tries to get back to being normal, my life is a living hell. And I feel like there is no hope, so I go back to drugs. I'm going to have to stop hanging out with my best friend, because all we ever do is get twacked and attempt to write a book or some other ridiculous idea we come up with.

Sorry if I'm blabbering on and on, I just have no where else to go and I'm coming down of my last line. HOPEFULLY FOREVER. If anyone can relate to me, or has any advice on what I can do, or any tips or tricks they have from getting sober, I would greatly appreciate it. I need to make it this time, I don't want to live this way anymore. I want to be happy without drugs.

Thank you so much,
Nate

[VICourageous]

You are going up the steps since I last posted. Good going check out the post I replyed in I need hope--frjs85 I ran by some info about are disease of addiction it is short form of all the info that is out there. Like I said besides my god, meetings and this info it helps me stay clean today...
God Bless you keep on truckin forward and do not look back...
vickie

[vicki595]

Oh...I'm sorry. I understand about trust issues...I'm glad you're looking around for something. Is there an AA group anywhere?  It's perfectly fine to attend AA even if the addiction is drugs. Alcohol is a drug, as well, and you'll be accepted. Just so you know...

Have you already gone the therapist/councillor route?

A good short term goal right now would be staying clean for 30 days...then surpassing a month. Although I'm sure you'll be happy to get to Monday!

[sk8trnate]

Thank you... and the longest I've went was probably around a month or so. It is hard to remember because of all the times I faked being sober. My friend doesn't have any intention of being sober, nor does anyone I know that is my age... So I'm just doing it alone! I would go back to Celebrate Recovery, but the leader of the group disclosed something I told him privately that made me lose all trust in the group, and I don't want to go back to that. But I am looking for a new one to go to.

[vicki595]

I was just thinking about you!  You're doing great...every day that goes by puts you further away and you'll begin to feel differently.

I wanted to ask you and maybe you already said this somewhere (too lazy to look back) Since you began using drugs, what's the longest you've been clean?

I'm sorry about your best friend...Is there any way for him to join you in getting clean?    You should think about going back to Celebrate Recovery...you need that support.

[sk8trnate]

I know it doesn't have to be this way... I started working again today and am looking for a job to do during the week to keep myself busy. Deleted everyone I used to buy from out of my phone, told my best friend that we can't hang out until I figure my **** out... and hopefully I don't fricken slip, I just feel like I have/had no control over myself and I'm trying to gain that control back.

[frjs85]

hey buddy,
i saw so much of myself in ur post. im so sorry to hear that and i could feel ur pain blossming out through your words.  I read your post and i just want to share my experience with you. im 25 and started drinking at 15, pot at 16, coke at 17, opiates at 24. I also grew up in a small town of a couple thousand people, and have a loving family who at the drop of a hat would do anything for me. Theres a hugh coke scene in my hometown, i loved the way it made me feel, it took away my social anxiety and all my fears, till 10 am when im coked out, hungover, cant sleep and hate myself completel for my self destruction. i could tell from your post, that u needed to get some of that out. I like to think its like puking, u kno as addicts we have all of this negative energy RELENTLESSLY PULLING us down emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. We need to puke all of that out other wise it sits and the pressure keeps building. I still stuggle everyday man and im clean almost 2 months! I just posted on here a few days ago how horrible i felt and today im better. But the difference is, now I KNOW there are people who care, who want to help.  I used to hide my addiction from my family and put on a face like everything was ok. Living in negativity is hell. I wouldnt wish it on anyone. I could tell  you have a big heart u deffinetly do. I got some great news for you, you never have to use ever again! MILLIONS of people are or were in your shoes. I suggest coming clean to your family. Tell your parents that you want to quit and you need their support, you have to be honest with them, SPILL YOUR GUTS to them no half truths, your days of lying and coning are over,  but most of all be honest with yourself. Which from your post sounds like you are. That is a HUGE step.  There are organizations who can help, na, aa, christian groups. They do basically what we do here. By getting together with other addicts we share our pain and it changes us in ways we cant imagine. For the 1st time we feel something we neverr felt before, hope.  Great people on here pick me up and always help me.  Whatever you decide, you have to surround yourself with sober people who wont judge you or make u feel worse than u already do. My best friend is till popping vicodin, and I love him to death, but he doesnt wanna admit he has a problem.  If you feel you cant do it on your own, theres people out there who can help. Theres a saying that goes if nothing changes nothing changes. U can do this brew. It doesn't have to be this way. Dont worry about rambling, haha i do it all of the time. All that matters is it comes from the heart.