Need good luck vibes!

[desperado57]

Hey guys!   I just refilled my Klonopin prescription, and anyone who has read any of my posts knows that I had been abusing the Klono, leaving me short, sometimes VERY short before I could refill it again.  In the interim I would use my husband's Xanax that he only uses on an as needed basis.  Of course because of Xanax's shorter half-life than Klono's and my addictive personality, I was taking large amounts of the Xanax.  Soooo.... I am asking for good vibes as I try to stay on my Klono as prescribed,  Then, when I have my body back on track, I intend to work on tapering down and then off.  I am so very  tired of the madness!  :  Thank you all.  I wish everyone the very best as we plug on.....

Be well,

Sue

[desperado57]

Hey there.... hope you're all having a good day. :)

I am not feeling as confident today.  :(  I've taken two Klonos so far today, as prescribed, not a minute sooner than I was supposed to.  But, it's tough today.  Really tough.  

I re-started the Klono on Friday evening.  Prior to that, including the day I restarted the Klono before I picked up the script in the evening - I was using the Xanax.  I am thinking that I feel so....hmmm..."tentative" now because somehow the Xanax is involved.  

Is it likely that the Xanax has finally, fully left my system, leaving me feeling this kind of void, of sorts?

BTW, I have decided to taper off the Lyrica I am prescribed for fibromyalgia - I've been taking it since April of this year, but I'm not sure it's even helping.

My feeling is that since I'm going to have to fight my habit of sometimes very large amounts of benzos a day anyway, I may as well tackle two at once.  Actually, the Lyrica is not bad to come off of... I've done it before, and there ARE issues - lots of BR visits, some inside- the- head trauma, but nothing too bad.  The reduced Lyrica may be at play, but I don't think it's a big role.  My money's on the Xanax.

Sooo, although I'm not confident today, I am still determined and I'm calling upon all of my reserves here not to reach for an "in-between-doses" pill or more likely, pills.

Does anyone have any insight?

Thanks!

Sue
x

[desperado57]

Day two of my struggle to stay on track, and despite a very testy encounter this afternoon with my older son and his wife who are bunking with us while he finishes school, I have kept to the script as prescribed so far.  I know it's a very minor victory compared to what everyone else is struggling with, including those who have won the battle, but believe me, if I hadn't commited myself to this phase - not abusing my script - I would likely have swallowed three tabs.

SO, so far, so good.  I keep telling myself that it's only four hours until I can take another one (I know that sounds like an addict's mentality, but I AM an addict, in the infancy of my recovery process).  Eventually, following a tapering schedule, I want to be able to tell myself that it's only six hours, then eight hours, etc.

I'll keep you posted, and thank you all again for your support.  It's invaluable to me.

Sue

[desperado57]

Hi, Friends...:)  Thank you all for your responses.  It's very heartwarming to know that you care enough to post.

LateAugust:  No, it is Klonopin.  My b/p tends to run quite low, about 90/54, so I couldn't take the clonidine even if I wanted to.  The thing with me right now is that I am not even trying to withdraw from the Klono.  I had been abusing the Klono script and of course that left me short at the month's end.  I don't like Xanax, I never have, but because I am not ready to w/d from the Klono I "supplemented" the Klono with the Xanax to stave off withdrawal symptoms until I could again refill the Klono.  I know, I know, an extremely stupid thing to do, but I've been known to do many stupid things in my years!  LOL!!  I am not making light of this, really - I loathe my addict behavior. :(

I am prescribed a large amount of Klono - 2.5mg/day, and considering Klonopin's long half-life, I now know (due to the education I received here about the half-life thing), that I can and will stick to the schedule.  It's all a head game I play with myself....but just knowing that there's so much of the medication in my system I am determined not to go over the five/day.  The determination, motivation and inspiration - it's all there, in a very big way.  As I've mentioned before elsewhere on site, I believe that I can tolerate just about anything for four hours (between doses).  You know, just saying that makes me embarassed - you have all endured or are enduring so much more.  I was without any benzos whatsoever maybe a year ago for two days, and by the end of the second day, I wanted to die.  Literally.

Yesterday, I stuck strictly to the schedule (I even programmed "pill time!" into my cell phone for all five pills), and I was comfortable.  I would occasionally get a hollow-head, shaky/"buzzy" feeling, but I put that down to the differences between Xanax and Klono.  I WAS taking a lot of my husband's Xanax....:(  Getting back on schedule with the Klono will be the easy part.  Once I am there for a while, I will then talk to my doctor about weaning down, and eventually off (maybe).

As I've been with everything, I want to be honest about this:  I truly don't know whether I want to d/c the Klonopin completely.  I'll have to see when I get there, and, I trust my doctor enough to take his advice about the whole mess.  I'm just not ready to go there yet.

Even though my tentative plan is different from all of yours, I hope that you don't jump ship on me!  Hang with me, please, and help me figure this out after I am back on track with the Klono for a few weeks.

I haven't given my bottle to my husband - I did think about it, but, he leaves for work in the early a.m., and I am afraid that he would forget to put out my daily allotment for me if I sleep in and am not up to remind him.  But, if I slip, or if I even come close, I will most certainly hand it over to him.  I have no problem with giving up control in that aspect.  Admitting that I am indeed an addict, to myself, to him, to all of you here, was for me very, very difficult, as I'm sure it is for lots of us.  The way I see it is that I lost control when I started abusing the Klono.  :(

Well, that's the story for now.  I am actually looking forward to challenging my addiction again today by staying on schedule. Somewhere deep down, I know that I will.  :) :) :)  Small baby steps, but I've got to start somewhere, right? :)

Talk to you all soon.

Sue

[worried878]

Klonopin is the benzo desperado is on///a benzo user as i have read her posts...and handing them over to have them doled out to u daily is a great way to taper...and u cant ct benzos..tapering is the only answer..if ur hubby is not an addict...can u hand them to him to help u taper?  letting go is hard...it is a control thing....if u can let them go//hand them over....if not him then a friend u trust...thing is..u gotta move forward and start letting go

[LateAugust]

That would be a hard situation....   you have and  need the klonopine ?  are you sure it is not clonidine?   (alot of clinics  and others suggest cloindine to deal with w/d to  reduce you BP if you don't have any breathing or blood pressure problems) Also your husband has the Xanax when you need more.......benzo's  are physically hard to reduce and more importantly to  w/d from.....I strongly urge you to talk to your doc.  Best of luck to you....  I am sorry  but if I read your post correctly you have the Klon  and your husband has the xanax.....  I dont know what mgs. either of you have,  but I would really caution you to talk to your doc before determining your own taper plans.  This is one of the few class of meds  that pose potential severe health problems when detoxing and to do so NOT in a doctor's care.........   I wish you the best of luck....  please be educated by professionals when dealing with beno w/d,  it is a bit different than other drugs....  

[Holliee]

AVISG has a great ideal

[Jimmy1975]

What avisg said is a very good idea Sue . I would think about that .   Jim

[avisg]

Sue can hubby hold onto it it and give it to you .that would make a really big diffrance