Need help

[stpattys420]

A little background on myself... I'm a divorced mother of 2, I'm 29 years old and I just completed my RN degree and am currently preparing for my NCLEX.  I've been a long time marijuana user and have dabbled in experimentation with other drugs throughout "growing up", however, I have never had a problem with any other drugs until now (honestly, I do not consider occassional marijuana use a problem it helps me with my anxiety and will hopefully be legalized at some point).

This has actually been going on for about a year, when I met my current boyfriend (my high school sweetheart in fact). One night we were hanging out and he asked me if i ever tried h.  What's that? - I asked.  Heroin, he said, it's not as bad as people make it out to be.  I never use needles.
Having experimented with drugs in the past, I figured why not.. I'm willing to try anything one time.  Not very smart, I know, but it is what it is.

So I tried this drug that I always looked down upon and never understood and ended up liking it.  Problem is my boyfriend has had this addiction for many years and instead of hiding it from me decided to introduce it to me too.  The worst part about it is that I love it, I love the feeling that I get.. I haven't felt any better than that my whole life.  However, it is also destroying me financially, it's illegal, and is definitely not good for me.  I've thought about leaving him or making him choose between the two of us, but I love him so much more than I ever thought I could love anyone.  He treats me like gold and I know he loves me, even if he did introduce me to something he shouldnt have.  I spend a ridiculous amount of money on this, and it's holding me back from doing things to better my life.  I can't help it though because if i don't do it I feel like crap, or even if Im thinking of not doing it again he asks me if i wanna hook up and I just say ok because I like it so much.

I'm ashamed of this addiction and I haven't told one person about it, outside of him no one knows.  I have no idea what to do right now and I need help.  Any input would be appreciated.  Thanks

[ladybug97]

I have never done herion, so do not know much about it, Painkillers was my drug of choice, Sweetie it sounded like you had a future going for you until the boyfriend introduced you to this evil drug, of course we all have minds of our own and we can say no. You say you Love him, but if you were sober and clear headed would you love him as much? You have children that need you more than he does. Give it up.

[cowboy1986]

You don't need any drugs to be happy, of course the drug will make you feel good that's what they do. But it will take over your life. All your money will be gone, you'll lose everything. You need to try to get your boyfriend help. And its not smart to try anything once. Would u try crack? Or meth? I hope not. Just be the good person u were meant to be. I'll be prayin for u.

[CWKavinRAS]

I understand what you are saying, but the drug you lie so much , will take everything in your life away from you, including your life. It grows rapidly and it will need to be constantly fed. Think about it as a demon inside you that needs to be fed more and more, where suddenly that is all you will do and will never be enough. Your whole day will turn into where can I get it, is it going to be enough, if you don’t have it you will be so sick and etc…Get help while you still have things to fight for. Get away from anything that will take you to heroin…I have seen so many lives destroyed by it….look into opiates.com and get help there or anywhere else you can.

[Free2agoodhome]

Welcome

You will find some of the answers you seek here,,,a lot of good people here,,,,,, I personally have not tried heroin but i heard the detox can get challenging.

You said : "The worst part about it is that I love it, I love the feeling that I get.. I haven't felt any better than that my whole life"

Thats the nature of the opiates, But its a lie,,,,,, I felt that way too after they gave my roxy after surgery,,..

I kept chasing that feeling..."i wanted that feeling all the time"  who wouldnt,? ,,when high,,,,,I liked my life, i liked my job.. i had no emotional pain, i was creative, loving.....i could dance...(oh wait i still cant dance).......bascially it plugged me in to life......

For me its kinnda like sex,,,,"never as good as the first time"  plus..i cant maintain anymore,,my tolerance is so high it would cost tons to keep the lie going..


When you're ready...and seems like you are by your post....

threre are a lot of people here for you....

Free~