Need some Help-

[J7__NYC]

Hello all-

It's been about 3 months since i was on this site last- at the time I was strougling with an oxy habit tha was eating me apart.  I'd be lying if I said I kicked it completely, but that's no longer my main concern.  I gotta a whole 'nother prob that is equally destroying me- it's an amphetamine addiction that I'm finally coming to terms with...coupled with a lotta benzo and alcohol to off-set the effects- and...just to f*ckin make things a hundred times worse I'm having real trouble kickin my bulimia (I can't even believe I'm saying that) but it's been almost 2 years now...the only way I escape that is when i'm so tweaked i don't eat- which happens often- but WTF i jus wanna live like a normal human being- I can say with 100% certainty that I've lost control of these demons and i jus can't get it back together....i'm not even expecting some easy fix...perhaps hoping tho; truthfully I'm scared...I really feel like i'm a OD or puke my stomach up one of these days and that'll be it.

I'm sorry to just come back here when I need something- lotta people really helped me through the oxy w/drawls and then I just never returned the favor to anyone...I'm sorry for that- well thanks for listening


JC_7

[J7__NYC]

Hey thanks for responding- I guess yeah it is pretty rare- I mean I can't even believe it myself, and I really just can't believe where I'm at. I don't anything about bulimia, I guess it could be a "disorder" but i just figured i'd just stop- like any other bad habit you have...but in the last month I can't lie to myself anymore, i mean i pretty much throw up multiple times a day. I've never talked to professional and I've never mentioned anything to anyone ever until tonight on this forum.

As far as amphetamines- I didn't think they were addicting (i mean compared to quitting oxy I suppose they aren't)- but i just can't seem to stop them.  Once I start i just keep takin them till my hearts jumping out of my chest and I usually don't sleep for a day or 2- show up to work a complete mess sweating and twitching. Anyways, I gotta do something bc maybe i'm wrong but it's not the amphets, bulimia, oxy alcohol or whatever- something is f*cked inside of me- on the outside things are actually pretty okay in my life- but sometimes i feel like something inside of me is determined to bring me down and it doesn't care how.  I used to be in control and now i'm lost and scared...

[worried878]

And u should not feel ashamed...geez..there are worst disorders than those...my friend at work washes her hand fifty times a day and wears a mask at all times as she is scared a toxic germ will kill her...will not stand nest to people in church...she isolates herself by doing this and it makes her miserable but she can not control it...OCD i think....seek treatment for the eating disorder...and things will change..amphetamines are very highly mentally addicting but not physically....hang in there

[worried878]

Male bullemia is kinda rare isnt it?....mostly a female disease but do know it can affect males...have u gone to counseling?...bulimia nervosa has its roots deep psychologically and until u come to terms with that aspect...u may have trouble staying drug free...as u r self medicating....have u talked with a doctor about help with the bulimia?...my next door neighbor is anorexic and i am almost positive she will die from it...she is hospitalized every time she gets down to 84 lbs for 3 months..these diseases/bulimia and anorexia nervosa / are a way of expressing a deep depression deep within u...u need to deal with that to get ur self better....if u do not the reasons u self medicate will still be there..not always curale but the diseases can be managed.....gotta treat the cause sometimes to fix the problem...keep posting