Need to say thanks and Bye!

[dessss]

Hi everyone, I feel that I have to move on from the board. I tried to quit the pills and go clean but at this time I've changed my mind. Allot of things have led me to this choice.
I LOVE pills. So I tried to figure out good reasons for stopping and there are many but then I started to wonder why stop something that I like so much.
I've decided the latter. I know the health risks and I take many steps to avoid things like to much apap. I've educated myself enough to safely use. harm reduction.
I think you guys are great and some of yall have helped me through some tuff times. But it would be a lie for me to continue here any further. Should I choose to stop later in life I will most likely come back.

Good luck to all you wonderful folks and no matter what it is you want in life you can accomplish it!
Thank You for everything
Desaree'

[wait2long]

hey guys...this is an old post, Dess has not been back, i did talk with her through e-mail a few times, but she traveled a lot so sorry to say i lost contact with her...she IS missed and i think of her often...i hope she is ok...

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I felt a lot like you when I was young and undestructable....started liking china white during "nam - used a lot of different poppy products for a long time. What fun. Now I'm about 60 and I have a huge bag of pills to keep my liver, heart, thyroid, gallbladder, and a few other things sputtering along. Spent 18 months on hellish chemo for liver - been in and out of hospitals (even Mayo Clinic) for the last 15 years.......If I were asked at this point I would say "Hell no - the buzz wasnt worth the dues paying". Enjoy the short time that the buzz works for - then steel yourself to become a professional patient.

[lostparent]

So sorry to hear...

I agree with Lizzie...   This is not totally about you.  There are other people in your life that care for you.  I respect your honesty, but the ultimate path of your choice is not a good one.   I hope you rethink your decision.

There is love and support on this site... I can't tell you how many have embraced me and have been so kind, thoughtful and caring... total strangers who are destined for good karma... remember everyone is here for you

[freebird4good]

I'm sorry.  You helped me to where I am today.  I wish that we could help you.  I hate to say this but....you are probably going to regret your decision later.
It's never to late to quit...don't quit quitting.  I'm glad that you're being honest with yourself and with others.  
Best wishes

[hillary5]

good luck to you with whatever you choose to do ... you're right about having the right to choose, thank god we are able to have that right ... for whatever the reason is for you to go back to opiates, it is soley your own decision .. doesn't mean that you can never come back here to get help again or just to pop in and say hi to the ones who care about you .. i don't think we personally had any posts that went back and forth, but that doesn't matter .. what matters is that you are happy ... if the depression was just too much for you - then you have to move on ... no matter what anyone says, you are going to do what you want to do ... best of luck to you and take good care of yourself .. peace!

[exhostage]

Remembering once, a long time ago, when I basically felt the same as you do. I was haughty and proud and had a 'bring it on' kind of attitude boy did I get brought down.....hope it goes better for you than it did me while your "not necessarily going overboard with the pills." I dont like to see you hurt yourself this way and all the resulting hassles it will bring.

[indenial687]

Denni16, your comment was so true, about what you heard in a meeting regarding 'if you go back out after admitting that you're an addict, it won't be the same."  I faltered and went back several times but I had never admitted to being an addict, I always said "oh I can handle this, I'll never be one of those people who are addicted, I just feel good when I take the pills and I can function better."  It's not until I admitted that I was an addict that I could help myself.  It's been nine days now since my admission and subsequently going cold turkey, and I'll never turn back.

[Carrie76]

I hope you the best, but I just have to say that you NEVER have full control, and if you think you do then later you will find out just how wrong you were. Its just a matter of time before the pills have you in a grasp so tight that you wont be able to break free and you wont like the life that that grasp has on you. Just my opinion:) But I DO hope the best for you and you will be missed.

[LIZZIE LOU]

being on the "other" side of addiction...i could say alot, but i won't.    i will keep it short and simple by just saying...what a selfish decision.

[Marce4]

Wow.....that post opened my eyes! You are totally right about your right to choose!  I know I "loved" those pills too but for me, they really made my life unmanageable and I didn't like who I had become! A liar, a cheat, selfpitying, and the list goes on. And as others have said, there are a lot of people here who lie and claim to be clean. I would rather talk to them knowing that they are still using and that we are not being duped so I truly appreciate your forthrightness and honesty!

I will pray that this doesn't get the best of you!  If you can get your meds legitimately and are not hurting anyone, esp those you love, then I wish you the best of luck and happiness in your life!

Don't be a stranger!
Peace!
Marcie

[avisg]

girl,plz stay in touch so I know how and where LOL you are. It is your life . Plz post very once and a while you are just as welcome now as you were when you were tring to quit.I will miss your posts.
Please email me when ever you would like ....
Your friend
avis

[wait2long]

hey..please keep in touch with me...you have my e-mail...i would like to talk to you about this...and no i wont badger you!...LOL!!!  just shoot me an e-mail..you will be missed and remember where we are when you are ready and feel the time has come...Amy

[tzt2lady]

Ive always enjoyed your posts and wish you all the best.   I admire your honesty, many dont have that.

Take care and pop in once in awhile to just say hello, ok?

hugs
tzt

[dessss]

Thanks for the well wishes. I wanted to add I have my life never lost it. I definitely dont want to get into a debate but I just wanted to say that we each have the right to do what we want with our body. The stigma of pills is in the eye of the beholder. It's easy to look at someone who chooses to use and say oh poor you. Well it's not poor me, it's what I choose. You choose to be clean and I think that's great! I've been actively addicted to pain meds for 13 years. I cannot lie it's not always been a good choice. One thing that I've learned while trying to quit is I am Miserable without them. So why quit? I dont necessarily have to go overboard with pills. I also use alternatives pods, seeds things of that nature. I just love opiates and cant think of a reason at this point to put myself threw withdraw and depression. In the last month while not using I've been sick, depressed and just down right unhappy.

I know that I'm the minority here but It's just the way I feel I just wanted to be honest and I have made some friends here. I didnt want them to just wonder what ever happened to which is why I posted this.

PS> I really do think if your path is to be clean then that is wonderful that's what is so great about the ability to choose!

[justlikeyou]

you came here because you wanted something, what you wanted was your life back,  you can still have it, but its much harder than taking pills, and much better.

[DENNI16]

thank-you for your honesty!
i too hope you come back some day.  but i have heard in meetings that if someone is not convinced yet they must go back out, but it will not be the same, once they have admitted that they are an addict.

God bless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[itsgood]

Tragic

[Calzy]

If you feel you can control the medicine you take than you have every right to control your pain issues. I hope you receive you meds legal from a doctor or clinic so you wont get busted and have to sit in jail to detox. I have been clean for 3 months and i struggle everyday with major pain in my back and i wonder how long i can handle this the vs being sober, but i do enjoy being stable without the up and down feelings you get on pain meds. At least you are saying good bye so people know what happened to you. Good luck to you.

[beachtowel]

Your honesty is commendable, your decision to get high and enjoy narcotics .......well that is your business....

I'm glad that your not sitting here lying about recovery and still using......

Please remember the first step in the N/A book.....

To admit your powerless against your addiction and that your life has become unmanageable......

It is very fun and seductive at first but in the end we all end up the same........

Insanity from the N/A book states:
We think that we can get high again with a different result...........

good luck young lady with your life and i hope one day you can fill that void in your life with something else besides drugs.........

[allaboutmary]

Hope you come back . I don't think there is such a thing as safley use, to an addict. Don't think for a minute that I don't love pills also. I also love hot fudge sundae's but know that I can't eat them breakfast, lunch and dinner. LOL Good luck to you.