Sorry I wanted to add that he's been wonderful and loving with my mother and kids. That what makes it even harder. I've never let anyone into my life this way. And my mother, who is so hard to please, has a soft spot for him too. Her stepfather was a morphine addict but he was also kind and loving. She has hope for him but I also haven't told her his drug of choice
I was in the same situation. It was so painful, my heart aches still when I think about it. Here's the truth...nothing you do will help this man. He MUST help himself. You can't control an addict. But...I'm still with the guy, happily married and we both have been clean and sober for a long time. The ONLY reason we worked is because he ended up in jail for two years. We had that time apart to get well. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know that it hurts. Pray hard. And please put those kiddos and yourself first. Let God deal with your man. It will all work out , it just might hurt a bit or a lot, but definitely, get him out of your healthy life. You get back to good and let God take care of your man.
" But am I just fooling myself? I don't know if there's anything I can do? "
Yes, there is something you can do: go to an alanon meeting asap. You are extremely enmeshed w/ an addict. You are an enabler and you are not focusing on your own life and your own NEEDS. Alanon teaches you to detach from the addict, and learn, not only why you chose who to love (and yes, it wasn't an "accident" that you chose an addict) but mostly how to feel calm regardless of what the addict does. Like the above poster says, there is absolutely nothing you can do to get someone clean. You CAN stop enabling (money, place to live, co-signing things, etc) because you are helping keep the addiction going.
Every single person who posts on here says that the addict they love is the most wonderful, caring, supportive person. None of that matters when that someone is truly unavailable, broke, and in chaos because of their addiction. You deserve better:)
Thank you very much to the both of you. Jifmoc, you are so so right when you say it isn't an accident I chose an addict. I must stop trying to save the world. I will pray hard, which I've stopped doing for a while, and find support at an Alanon meeting to get over my own addiction to this man.