Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
7100466 tn?1392032316

Never giving up

Hello everyone..very hard writing this post, but I have to be honest and get this off my chest.  After 30 some days, the emotional roller coaster was just too hard for me to ride anymore.  My disease kept reminding me how I could seek relief, and now I feel like a failure.  I know what it feels like to relapse with alcohol, but I thought I could kick the using habit first time around.  I was on a pink cloud in the beginning. AFter the physical wd's were behind me, the mental angst was unbearable (for me).  I didn't ask for help, I just kept kicking the bottle and pills ahead of me.  I won't give up and have started the process once again.  I've read posts here everyday, and the guilt for not being honest with you guys was too much.  Thank you for listening and your continued support.  I look forward to hearing from you all when you can.....I know that I am not alone, if anyone has experienced relapse with this disease, can you please share with me? Thank you again...
25 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
7100466 tn?1392032316
Thank you evolverU....the universe is unfolding as it should today.  Took my 94 yr old Mum to an appointment, which can be extremely stressful, but I was grateful that I was in my right mind to drive her and help her out today.
Helpful - 0
4810126 tn?1503942735
Oops! Thaaaaat's what DIT stands for! :)) Have a good day Odaat1. I hope it goes by quickly too. (for both of us!)
Helpful - 0
7100466 tn?1392032316
Hi there...
I believe that Double in Trouble has over 5 days clean, not I....however, I am getting there!!!  Thank you for posting....have a busy day ahead, so I hope it goes by quickly!!
Helpful - 0
4810126 tn?1503942735
Hi ! Nice to see you. I'm glad you're posting.  Many Congrats on day 6.I hear you on not wanting to take a pill to stop another pill. Whatever works for you! (Just so long as it really works.) How're you feeling?
Helpful - 0
7100466 tn?1392032316
Hi, I stopped taking the Naltrexone (oral).  I had my lame excuses for picking up again, so I just stopped the Nal.  Having said that, I really don't know if it would have worked for me.  Today, after going to the dr. yesterday, I don't want to take a pill to stop me taking a pill.  (just for me)  
I have heard success stories about Naltrexone...good luck.
Back to meetings for me...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi me and Sara agree whole heartedly  aftercare aftercare aftercare very few will make it without this critical step N/A is a way of life it will teach you how to live a full exciting life without the use of drugs so thank god you did not overdose and your liver was strong enough to keep you alive thank god for giving you another chance and get to your local N/A meeting your worth it..................Gnarly..........................
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
I was a chronic relapser for 30 plus years and never once did i get involved with aftercare.  This time around i decided i had enough of the insanity and decided to change things up.  Doing it my way just didnt work.  I reached out, got honest, cut my sources, took the cotton out of my ears and placed it in my mouth.  I am working on 6 yrs clean.  You can do this~
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
By the way same with me . Norcos took me back to alcohol as well! (My death drug) if I don't stay sober !
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I wanted to try naltrexone (Vivitrol ) the injection , was wondering if u relapsed while u were on it?
Helpful - 0
7100466 tn?1392032316
DIT - wow, 5 days clean....incredible!!!
I was sober for 5 years and 3 months...and the pills took me back to my DOC, alcohol.
We will overcome!! Thank you for sharing...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know the feeling and it's horrible! I just relapsed Friday  after a month of sobriety also . I have a dual addiction also norco and alcohol, alcohol being my doc, but even with all the shame, guilt, fear, , anxiety , depression and worthlessness feelings, I got back on this horse and I'm 5 days clean, I have no cravings for the norcos but I just have this unhealthy fear of relapsing , like that's all I think about , if I could just get that out off mental I wld be great! Like yourself it's the mental torture that is killing me,
I want that healthy fear I had when I got sober and stayed sober for over 4 years , several years ago . I had this strength . Determination and sureness in my head that kept me pushing with no cravings.
But I will not give up!
Helpful - 0
7284346 tn?1402238725
So glad you shared... cunning, baffling, and POWERFUL... this is what WE all battle. No matter how much time we have little or a lot - days or years - this is still a ONE day a time process for us as addicts honey. We have a thinking problem :).

Rigorous honesty is a vital part of our program and your ability to be vulnerable and honest here is amazing!! You're on the right track. Focus on TODAY. Try not to get caught up in guilt and shame that sh*t will kill you! Nah girl! You can't do anything about yesterdays... you have today. Don't use today. Get to a meeting if you can. Get around other people who know how your brain works - how our brains work! :) We have to step out of our own heads and get out of our "stinking thinking."

My sobriety date is June 2010... almost 4 years now... and girl... I had to PRAY myself to a meeting last  night. I was in bad shape. YOU are WORTH it. I don't know if you go to meetings but they can be invaluable... sobriety first. YOU first... otherwise everything else - everyone else suffers anyway right? I only say this to you... because I have tell myself the same. Like being on the airplane that's taking the nose dive "ma'am please put your own oxygen mask on first before placing the oxygen mask on your child... thank you."  

Glad you're back :) Keep choosing YOU!
Helpful - 0
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
A lot of addicts are people pleasers...lol, it takes the emphasis off of ourselves and puts it elsewhere. Get back up on that horse and find an n/a meeting in your area! I've made some good friends at these meetings and when I need to get out of my head these meetings work wonders. Buy an n/a book and start reading...you will be amazed at the similarities we all have. Start again. Don't quit being sober!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It's REALLY difficult when you have others to care for.....I can completely relate to the superwoman vs moody-lazy-useless woman..... That is exactly how I am feeling right now and it's contributing to my negative mental state more than anything else. Hang in there Hun....I totally understand how you feel.
Helpful - 0
7100466 tn?1392032316
Good morning everyone..
Your posts are exactly what I needed, thank you so much, all of you.  Like someone said, I saw the glaring holes in this attempt, and one was dishonesty with my feelings, and wearing the mask for my family and partner.  Having to be the one to please and make sure everyone was ok.  I live with my elderly parents as their caregiver and my partner.  So when I would use, I could be superwoman to everyone AND, keep up a job.  Going through WD's I felt useless, and lazy, tired and moody all the time....
I didn't look after my own needs first...so, I will try a different route this time, and believe that I am worth it.  I know I will be able to care for everyone else if I care / love ME first...
Blessings on your day....
Helpful - 0
7671414 tn?1395660495
Congrats on coming back.I too know your heart ache but,you cant beat yourself up.I went 20 years of an off and on speed habit.I though I was doing good when I would quit for 2-3 years have a baby,nurse and be a good Mother.Just to relapse and start it all over again.I have now been off my drug of choice for 17 years last month.Now I am tapering off methadone after 8 years on Loritabs,2 years on Methadone.it is the hardest thing I have eevr done but,we all go through it.Take one day at a time and go to meetings.I went for 6 years.Good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey dude the relapse su cks and there is no known cure for this disease .......however there is recovery if your willing to work 12 simple steps My advise is start getting to N/A meetings as many as you can pick up a sponcer and work the 12 steps this has been my life line with a addict to your right and a addict to your left you rarely fall if your scared dont be you will be welcome in with a hug and also can share any thing with people that will understand just learn from your relapse that you cant do it alone and aftercare is a must not a option good luck and God bless,,,,,,,,Gnarly................
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Odatt, I know all about the mental part!! It's hell. I've relapsed many, many times in my thoughts. So far I haven't. That's not to say I won't ever. In saying all that, thank you for your post. It reminds me it can happen to any of us. I also know all about the guilt. That can drive you crazy. And the depression. Oh my!! I think most of us have a little problem with it to begin with. You're a very brave lady to come back again and start over. God Bless you and thank you!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Im sorry, but great job being honest, and good for you starting again and not continuing to give up : )
Ive relapsed many a times believe me..
You will be counting days, weeks etc again and before you know it, will pass your recent clean time.
Keep on trying, we are all here for you xx
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I relapsed a few times... most of them were half a-s-s attempts to get clean that didn't last more than a week.. Then last year after 5 weeks clean I went out on an 18 month bender.. I guess I wasn't ready to stop until this time around and while I was suffering through WDs I decided to think about all the things I didn't do that lead to my relapse (I truly believed that I would never relapse). Well, to make a long story short and to say the least -- I discovered some glaring holes in my previous recovery efforts. With that said and knowing what I did wrong I developed a different plan for this go around and as of today I have 61 days.. So in short my suggestion is not beat yourself up, as relapses happen but two, figure out what you didn't do and what you need to do better so you can develop a plan that works for you.  You have already proved to yourself that you can put a nice string of days together so you have it in you to this.. Just stay focused and committed and you WILL get this done!!! All the best!

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
relapser here......very few ppl beat addiction their first attempt.....but also dont make that an easy excuses either.

your desire to get clean is greater than your desire to get high than you WILL beat it again.

we are all scared of relapse and we damn sure should be....the sec you let your gaurd down just for a second it will catch you......congrats on being honest...no shame no judgment....keep posting keep fighting we draw strength from each ohter is board saved my life once upon a time and now its time to save myself again
Helpful - 0
7282682 tn?1397237735
Honey what matters is you are still trying. Big move. Congrats. Keep going forward and stay +.
Helpful - 0
6990909 tn?1435275816
I think we can all relate to you hon.  I just posted that I am trying a new meeting cuz I am struggling with  the mentals big time.  Dust yourself off, don't beat yourself up...let go of the guilt and start anew.  We are here to lift you up and support you.  Sending you a hug!
Helpful - 0
5986700 tn?1380791380
Awww sweetie, sorry you're feeling so deflated.  You know, you'll be surprised how many here can relate and unfortunately will face their own stumbles.  Congrats on being honest cuz really isn't all about being honest with yourself and that's what you've done. Kudos!  Now one foot in front of the other and step forward.  Without the journey, such as it is, how would we learn?  Prayers to lift your spirits and strength hon, I know how hard the mental is....I live it breath by breath it seems.  Hugs out, you're gonna conquer, I'm sure of it. Xo
Helpful - 0
2
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.