No more Hyrdo's D-1

[want2Bsober]

Well, here I go. I'm 40 years old, and I'm addicted to to opiates (Hydrocodone - Lortabs) I have been taking them for years! Started for reasons most had, injury. I got up to taking approx 15-18 10mg pills a day. I woke up this morning and took last one (1) I don't know how I let it get this far, and for so so long. I even had a family member die ten years ago for same deal so you would think I would know better - apparently addiction knows no bounds, and either did I. I am so sick of wondering how and when I would get these little things, constantly counting or cutting in half..and so on. It has ran my life for years now. I'm not even sure I know who I am anymore. I have become more withdrawn, dont like to do much, even though when I started I could do anything at all. Towards the end here, I never achieved the feeling I used to, even at taking 3-4 10's at a time. I'm always tired, always looking - always something that revolved around these things. I wake up in the morning and have to drop a few to just get out of bed and go to work - I hated the fact I had to do this/that. I hate the fact I have spent so much money over the time on them, especially over the past 6 months...lots of money. I don't want it anymore, not today...not ever! I know that is easy to say because I have said it hundreds of times - but I want out! I am already feeling a bit wierd cause I only took the one this morning around 430, and usually take several by this time of day (9a) Probably 6 by now. I feel like no one knows me anymore, I'm flacky, Tired and just feel like a total loser for this happening to me. I have tried before to stop and made it a day or two, and that was a long time ago. I have NO ability to go in house detox at all. I have the ability to tell NO ONE with exception of Dr, which I will eventually. I have to do this on my own, and cold turkey to boot. I am scared big time!  I know in reading posts here it can get bad, but I still want out before it takes my life - like another family member. You would have thought it would have been enough to stop, it wasn't and Im so very disappointed in myself I can hardly look at myself in the mirror. I used to be able to eat normally every day when 1st stared, now I can barely finish a meal, I've lost weight and Im already thin to boot. Can those make u lose weight? is that normal? I know (nasty) bowels are not barely moving at all anymore, very constipated ALL the time, maybe that has something to do with it - I dont know. I'm sick of being unhealthy and not having a normal functioning body. I know I own this issue, it's my own fault. I can't do this anymore....I have to stop, and want to real bad now.

I took today off to start the process so I dont have to at the start of the week, and suffer 5 days at work to start. So, i stopped at crack of dawn today hoping by Monday i would feel atleast a little better. Is that even possible? as that will only be at start of day 4, I think, heh. Help!

I need friends here, I can not tell anyone as it has been a VERY dark secret for years. I need your support at much as possible - this is my detox - here. Is there Vitamins I can take to help with energy? or anything to help me feel better or lessen some effect of the WD? I have a few sleeping pills, have 6 clonodine and advil. You guys, I need your help bad. I need to be well, I have a 17 year old who needs me, a aging mother who needs me -  and I need me too. What do I really have to look forward to as I start this recovery? Should i get something else at store?

I'm hopeful I will get to know who I really am anymore - it's been so long Im not sure who is really inside. Im not sure family and friends know anymore. Please help me through, guidence wise or whatever. I need help, and it appears there is plenty of that going on in here, for everyone. This site appears to be heaven sent and I plan on being here as often as possible to chronicle this mess Ive got in to - maybe just maybe that will help someone else along the way in the future - not sure.

I'm already cold, stomach feels like rotten eggs and face is flush. Whew, here we go on the journey, I need company along the way to be successful. Thank you for reading my post. A real heart felt thank you.

[flmagi]

Congrats to you for starting this process. Yes, your back is hurting, this is because your body's natural pain killers have not kicked back in yet. That can take 1-2 weeks, then you'll be surprised at how little your pain actually is.
Worst days of withdrawals is around day 3 & 4, day 5 or 6 starting to feel better. You'll need to accept the fact that things aren't going to feel normal for awhile, lack of energy and motivation takes a long time to come back. Make sure you're drinking plenty of fluids, hot baths for your legs and wrapping them in Ace bandages, they say helps. Also Hylands Restful Legs can be bought at Walmart, they help . Getting some exercise everyday (I know,last thing you want to do)....walk around the block, get outside. It will help speed up your recovery. Read The Thomas Recipe and the Amino Acid Protocol in the Health pages, and do what ever you can from those. The Clonidine that you have will help immensely, call your doctor and get more if need be.
You can get thru this. You're gonna feel like you're dieing, but you won't. Post on this forum as often as you want. It's kinda slow on the weekend but post, post, post.
Stay strong and good luck.

[want2Bsober]

Ya, my back is killing me right now. I know it's real pain and not mental either. So it is making this harder and harder. I took some advil and aspin or whatever. I'm hanging in there, just feels so bad - and my back hurts. This *****! I have my head down, and running through this as fast as I can. Hopefully, as some point I will hold my head high and feel good about myself once again. God knows that has been nearly ten years now. Thank you all for the support, I will be back. Gonna try and rest my back a little. My office chair *****! I need a lap top now so I can lay in bed and do this ****.

[sickntired08]

I would suggest first of all, to quit one thing at a time.  Otherwise, it will get too overhwlming.

I just turned 4o myself, and have been through w/d so many times, just haven't been able to stay off completely. I have just got over the flu, and decided to do the w/d at the same time.

I think the mental part is the worst...we can get through the w/d phase it's the constant pyshological numbing the pills do for me that's the hardest to overcome.

I feel like I am stronger, I did take a 750 this am, since I have been in bed for a week, back is hurting, and really want my life to start again.

I would love to do this with you, you can PM me anytime and we can share our daily ****...I think that part helps a lot.

Good luck!

[Florida_Guy737]

Hey...we've all been there!  Recommend you don't try to quit smoking, coffee etc right now; deal with the med wd first.  The first few days are hard but if you see every minute turning into 5 min, then 15, then 30, you'll make it.  You can post here constantly and get help...I'm in my 40s as well and quit almost 16 months ago...it's OK and you'll be OK.

Keep Going...we are here for you!

Guy

[want2Bsober]

Start of Day 2!!!! I feel lousy. I ran out of smoke too, was gonna quit that too but one thing at a time, right? I will be back to blog. Man does it get better or worse from here

[troubleinohio]

just wanted to send you some support! Ive been on this site a long time and been thru the WDs from vicodin many many times. You can do this!!!!!!

[nootbaar]

so how be the battle hey i think me and you must be abuse twins you sound like i feel as well i accually think being at work is better for me because im busy all day and not thinking of where to get one staying busy sounds impossible but its important keeps your mind focused on other things but the pain of quitting. hey it hurts My Butt is raw sound bad but you all know what im talking about every time i sit im reminded OUTCH!!! just keep reminding your self how awsome the end will be 5-6 days of w.d.'s isnt a long time concidering your 40 look how fast that passed sure while your going through it it seems never endind but hour by hour day by day if you give in just dont give up ill be here im struggling myself im typing and my shirt is soaked with sweat my legs are like jello but **** it i can handle it just laugh at it seriously if you think of it it is kinda funny what you have donr to your self but it has to end at some point it might as well be now on your terms not its terms.

[outotown]

Hang in there my friend, we will help all we can, there is some comfort meds your dr can give you and they help, also take tylnol pm it will help if you dont have anything else take one every now and then it helps calm you down some or just take benadryl thats the sleep agent in the tylynonl pm Good luck

[want2Bsober]

Man these w/ds are painful. Please pray I make to start day two in morning. I'll post later when I guess I feel like I have to move. Apparently that is going to be one of the
symptoms. Whew. This *****

[want2Bsober]

thank you ella789. I appreciate all I can get here. You are all so kind. I have been sitting here for over 12 hrs listening to music, which helps a tad too. Man this *****

[Ella789]

Yes, the mental is rough by far I think.   I do remember the first 7 days of detox, I had been so afraid and yet determined to quit, to make it to the other side and damn, I did it.   AND then BAM !! .....in the face, there were these feelings that just really sucked, on just on my mind all the time and I',m wondering what's This!  Oh, yeah, it's the mental merry-go-round, the rollercoaster, the mind-games,  and they stayed awhile to mess with my head.  Now somedays they are here and somedays they don't bother me too much.  I am waiting for the "don't come around anymore" for me!!!  All of us who have been quit for very long know all too well that we have to deal with our brain and tell it NO! and it is a struggle, and it can be overcome!  God, this is our hope!!!

Ella           opiate free Feb. 16, '09

[want2Bsober]

I just read a post from 3 years ago! My skin crawled after reading it. I knew documentation was important for recovery, because Ive been reading that for the last 12-13 hrs now, but wow to think I could be touched, helped by something so long ago is amazing. Shows how important this site is.

I was looking for help, and you all have been here. Thank you. I am doing my best and taking it hour by hour today (Day 1) hopefully I wont have to do that everyday - hour to hour.

I am excited to see who I really am, but at the same time scared to death that I will never be happy cause of those little pills. Man, Im on a rollercoaster right now

[Victorious1]

To me the hardest physical part is definitely the VERY frequent bowel movements and RLS at night. What you should be afraid of though is the mental monster that awaits. Ive been through this quite a few times and he usually doesnt start knocking on the door really hard until like day 4 or 5 right when the physical part is going away. This is really when day 1 begins IMO. Best way to get through mentally at this point is to keep yourself busy!!! Dodge it - ignore it - and just plain fight it. Mental part is the HARDEST part. God bless and good luck

[want2Bsober]

Damn, my body cant figure out what temp it is. Hot, Cold --- good grief!

[iamdone]

All that is listed you will need, Also they have a B-12 with a dropper that helped me a great deal.

[want2Bsober]

Thank you for your post. Likewise, I think others here, helping others will help for all concerned. I know the day will get worse as it goes on so I will be headed to store to get maybe some Vitamin B, Multi Vitamin and some benedryl. I have some boost in frig now so hopefully I will be able to choke that down when time comes to do so. Oh, and will be getting a crate of Immodium too I think...Just in case. I'm still very scared, even though I know what is ahead of me, because of you folks. I really want this bad! and I know you do too. Nobody wants this, just not everyone gets out - or makes it to this point I guess. I'm hopeful and will post often not only for me, but for all...now and future. This site is a blessing and I plan on treating it that way. We can do this! It is NOT going to be easy I can see. Gonna go shower, and try and eat now. The mind games this stuff plays on you is hard enough to battle - physical part appears brutal - but doable cause I have read a hundred posts here - saying the same thing. God I hope it doesnt last too long. Be back

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Look at the lower right hand side of your screen. Find the Health Pages - - then look up the Thomas Recipe and the Amino Acid Protocols. These are good places to start. Keep reading and posting..........and good luck.....

[Ella789]

Hi everyone!  Good luck on your quit, I think you will feel bad for a few days with the detox,  hope you have the staples (immodium,otc pain meds,benadryl, ect) drink fluids,gatorade,and try to eat.  Keep posting and stay in touch, sometimes the weekends can be slow here.

  I also used lortabs 7.5 for abt. 5 yrs.  My dr. helped me out prescribing Clonidine and it helped keep me in my skin, I also had a few tranzene to help too.

Carry the immodium and otc pain relievers to work with you as you may need them some on Monday as well,   Hot baths or showers,and heating pad will help with the rls and muscle pain.

Ella

[yeah0right]

Good for you!! You should be very proud of your self. You have owned your addiction and now get rid of it!! I was on hydro's for years then found methadone. they were cheaper, didn't take as many heck I thought that was a step up. That was a huge mistake. These are harder to get off of. Please don;t make that mistake that so many have and trade one habit for another. Yes vikkies can make you constipated. Opiates deplete you of ever vitamin you have. Thats the first step is to get some really good chewable vitamins and double the dose for the first week. This does help some. You also need to talk to your dr. and get something to help you sleep. It is possible to be feeling well enough to go to work on monday if you take care of yourself now. I use excedrine to help me in the mornings now. They are full of caffeine and that gives me some energy. Cold turkey is very hard but it is the best way for hydros, I think anyway. You should look into some of the other post that talk about the diffrent vitamins you need. g/l and please  keep post how you are doing. It is helping me. I am  new here as well  : )