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today is a new day ... trying to look up .. hopfully.. the cravings wont be as bad today... i keep thinking im forgetting some thing ... im sure ill remember sooner or later... i did not get a lot or if any sleep last night ....the hardest things about pills in my case thier not hard to get.... they R  everywhere .... its like everytime i wanted to talk about my problem .. they just say how about that your better.. or your doing it .. or something i dont want to hear that .. i want to be able to say what i need and them just say nothing at all .. just hear me out .. i guess thats what makes it so hard to talk to ppl .. no one knows how to just sit ther and keep their mouth closed ... maybe the craving would go away if i could get somethings off my chest .. i have a hard time cleaning my house .. kids .. damn kids .. anyways i cant wait till school starts ... not that my house is trashed but its not how i like it .. i used to be like a clean freak .. now with the depression and the cravings i dont find time to clean like i used to .. ..... friends comeover and they have to come in my room to talk to me cause i feel safe in here... its kinda like i get dizzy if i walk out of my room my heart starts pounding...... sometimes i feel like i cant breath ....i get weirded out over the smallest thing ... i go off on the kids if they ask me the same thing more then once like i did not hear them .. im on edge .. i cant sleep .. cant leave my house .. ... i have a hard time talking out load .. idk ... its all upside down from the way i used to be .. i was never shy.. now i am .. i could do anything and all my friends think im hidding in my room because im useing .. and thats not true .. i hate that .. what do i have to do to prove it .. im not on anything . but depression... and it hurts ..

thanks for letting me get that out thier and please keep leaving me your thoughts i need them ..
thank you again
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402205 tn?1230481005
You are depressed. I'm so glad you came back on. Just writing it down helps. If your friends think you're using there's nothing you can do about that. Unfortunately no matter what you do they'll think what they want. Everything you're describing is a symptom of not using. The depression, anxiety, being shy and socially withdrawn. I'm not saying you should do this but I needed an antidepressant after I stopped. It helped with the anxiety and depression.

can I ask you a couple questions? Why do you want to stop using? One of our forum leaders GoingToMakeIt always says Your desire to get clean has to be stronger than your desire to use. Do you think that's true?


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Avatar universal
I know how you feel about the housework,UGH. One day at a time and it gets better. I am thinking some sunshine would help you, could you sit in your yard? I watched a show called The Cleaner on A&E and this guys family found a needle and everyone thought it was his and he is clean now.  He just had to keep moving on with his life and then everyone around him saw that he was clean. Maybe it will just take a few days and then your friends will understand you are in w/d? As far as the pills being everywhere that makes it harder but you have to be stronger than they are. They are all around me as if the devil himself sends them to make sure I fail and  you can develop a hate for them. I cannot remember how many days you have been clean?  I am at almost two weeks and am pulling myself up by the boot straps so keep at it!
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Avatar universal
It does get easier, I promise.  Day 16 (yesterday) I think I started on the down hill side.  I feel better today. Can you get some one to take your kids for a day or two?  Keep going ...you'll make it.  If you use again...you will just have to start over.  Love  to you  Jerri
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Avatar universal
I'm the sameway with the house work. I keep wondering where the old me is. The one that cleaned and took care of things in a timely manner.

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Avatar universal
So glad you got through yesterday. One day at a time. ok

As far as the housework and kids go- hah  anyone that has kids-well you are just not going to have the homes and gardens look until they are older. I had 4 kids and use to dream of a spotless house.
Trust me it is over rated. hah
Just concentrate on the kids and hubby? make the housework last. And of course make sure you look great!! This will help your self asteem alot more than the house looking great.
Hang in there, you are doing fantastic!
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