You are depressed. I'm so glad you came back on. Just writing it down helps. If your friends think you're using there's nothing you can do about that. Unfortunately no matter what you do they'll think what they want. Everything you're describing is a symptom of not using. The depression, anxiety, being shy and socially withdrawn. I'm not saying you should do this but I needed an antidepressant after I stopped. It helped with the anxiety and depression.
can I ask you a couple questions? Why do you want to stop using? One of our forum leaders GoingToMakeIt always says Your desire to get clean has to be stronger than your desire to use. Do you think that's true?
I know how you feel about the housework,UGH. One day at a time and it gets better. I am thinking some sunshine would help you, could you sit in your yard? I watched a show called The Cleaner on A&E and this guys family found a needle and everyone thought it was his and he is clean now. He just had to keep moving on with his life and then everyone around him saw that he was clean. Maybe it will just take a few days and then your friends will understand you are in w/d? As far as the pills being everywhere that makes it harder but you have to be stronger than they are. They are all around me as if the devil himself sends them to make sure I fail and you can develop a hate for them. I cannot remember how many days you have been clean? I am at almost two weeks and am pulling myself up by the boot straps so keep at it!
It does get easier, I promise. Day 16 (yesterday) I think I started on the down hill side. I feel better today. Can you get some one to take your kids for a day or two? Keep going ...you'll make it. If you use again...you will just have to start over. Love to you Jerri
I'm the sameway with the house work. I keep wondering where the old me is. The one that cleaned and took care of things in a timely manner.
So glad you got through yesterday. One day at a time. ok
As far as the housework and kids go- hah anyone that has kids-well you are just not going to have the homes and gardens look until they are older. I had 4 kids and use to dream of a spotless house.
Trust me it is over rated. hah
Just concentrate on the kids and hubby? make the housework last. And of course make sure you look great!! This will help your self asteem alot more than the house looking great.
Hang in there, you are doing fantastic!