OK SO HERES THE TRUTH

[frustrated431]

i am one day off prescription pain killers see i have a chronic pain condition but my DR's are just being jerks and there is nothing i can do so now into detox mode igo i wish i could say that my boyfriend was supportive but he is at his wits end with all the mood swings and bitchy ness so now i feel alone and lost like i am in a cold dark room with no one or nothing i just had to finally vent this and tell someone thanx for listening
Steph

[CR_ST_NA]

you are not alone, so many here know exactly what you are going through. i'm sorry to hear that you are not getting the support that you need at home, that is why NA is so important!! my advice would be to look up some NA meetings in your area and get to one as soon as you can, you need the support!! did you talk to your doctor about giving you something to help with the withdrawls? there are some things they can give you that are not addictive that can help. so glad you are here, welcome and you will be in my prayers. God Bless, christina

[cathy5841]

so sorry you feel alone, but as cristina said you are NOT alone. we have been down the same road.  and we can tell you it is not an easy journey but one that is well worth it...take it one minute at a time..minutes add up to hours and hours days and days weeks.. if i could do this you can...i too think you should check out some meetings..it will give you extra strength and it will get you out of the house...try some exercise it works wonders..

[frustrated431]

but i am so scared right now i dont want to lose the only man who ever cared if i lived or died and i have been through these withdrawals before except it was in jail and it was so horrible but thank you so much for your support it means alot to me i just wish i didnt have to go through this again why did i let it get this far and know im going to lose everything all over again and by past expierences you just cant get it back no matter how hard you try

[cathy5841]

you can get it back....how long did you stay clean...it dont return over nite, but with time and proving yourself it does return.  my hubby was disappointed, but with over a year clean i have rebuilt alot of that trust...and he holds me accountable for my actions.  when i had surgery in dec, he watched my meds and knew i was taking less than prescribed...sure i hurt a bit more than i had too, but i earned his respect so it was worth it.  everything in life cost us...you have to pay if you wanna gain back what you had...

[frustrated431]

i was clean for 7 yrs and then i got a tumor on my carotid artery called a paraganglioma its very rare the prognosis was not good but i beat it but then after the surgery they put me on dilaudid and again i got hooked and it has been a down fall since then i have been horrible to him he didnt deserve all that i put him through i have this horrible fear that if i go get help he will find someone else and then what its all gone and i did it again it wasnt bad enough the first time when i lost my kids i didnt learn my lesson now im gonna lose him and there is nothing i can do he wants me to find a new place to live away from him and im so scared to be without him i dont know what i would do I CANT DO THIS AGAIN it hurts to much and the anxiety of it all is just killing me im so SCARED and so lost right now

[cathy5841]

i can feel your pain in your post.  i really am sorry.  but you have to start somewhere..if you help yourself then you can work on other things.  do what you have to do to get past active addiction.  it really is ashamed he is not supporting you, but you have to be willing to walk this road with or without his support...once he sees you are going to overcome this addiction maybe...

[avisg]

I know you are scared and this is going to be rough but we will support you all we can .You can and will make it threw this .Love is strong you two can get threw this try to keep looking forward things are going to be so much better .If you need to talk e mail me anytime .
avis

[spacecadette]

how are u holding up? let him know how much you love him and that you need him right now more than anything.  Once you get past this you WILL be a better person.  You will see.  But you have to stick it out and make a change.  As hard as it is to be loving right now, try to explain to him what u explained to us.  And if u DON"T get help, eventually he will leave you anyhow.  So get the help you need.  I'm sure he's more willing to work it out knowing that you are active in your recovery process and are willing to go to whatever lenghts you have to in order to be a better you and a better "you and him or.."US".Your kids deserve a good mother, he deserves a good partner, and YOU deserve a better life.  good luck.  keep posting

[CR_ST_NA]

it might actually be good for you two to have some time apart, i mean a lot of us addicts are co-dependent as well and this might be a good time for you to be able to just focus on you. if he really loves you, he will hang in there with you and do what ever he can to support you, even if it means time apart. i think getting the help you need and taking care of yourself should come first, you can't really be good for any relationship until you are whole on your own. you can do this. god bless, christina

[frustrated431]

thank you all for all your support but the thing is i have been absolutely horrible and a couple of weeks ago i told him that i would get help and well i never did and now he says that he cant trust me i know he loves me cuz if he diidnt he wouldnt still give me a place i would be out on my butt but he is all i have now and without him i know i cant do this i need him more than anyone or anything before i want so much to tell him and make him understand that i can be that person that he fell in love with but he jas never had to deal with anything like this before i KNOW that when i get clean i will be that person again im just so scared that while i am getting help he will find someone without all this baggage he does deserve to be with someone that can make him happy and not have all these problems that i have its just so hard to trust that our love is that strong and i have been so horrible to him lately what if its to late how can i live without him or live with myself knowing that i am the reason i lost the only man who has ever loved me unconditionally?
Steph

[backagain11]

If one of your concerns right now is your boyfriends frustration then what better way to give him confidence then being clean and getting involved in na if just going to meetings. After a while you"ll realize that you MUST do this for yourself and everybody around you benefits anyway.

[frustrated431]

because what if he just doesnt care or understand then what? the whole point is to make him relize that i have changed and can change i just dont want to lose him in the mean time i know that what i did was wrong and i should have been mopre sensitive to his feelings he has told me its to late he is at his wits end there is nothing i can do but try to move out and hyave somne time apart but i am to scared that he will just give up and find someone new he says that apart of him still loves me but what if that is not enough? i think its hopeless  and maybe i should just give up on everything including myself right now i just want to get drunk and forget what i have done

[dominosarah]

Getting drunk wont help one thing at all right now.  It will only make the situation worse.  You have to think about you right now and have to get yourself better with or without him.  I know this hurts but if you want that chance for the 2 of you you have to get your life in order.  Would he be willing to come on here and look around?

[j34]

What did you do when you stayed clean for 7 yrs?? Go back to basics Do what you did before !! You can do this....

[frustrated431]

its over hes gone and its all my fault i cant get him back

[avisg]

awwwe hun,what happened ?Give yourself both some time you are going threw a really hard time but it is going to get better .

[frustrated431]

he has been talking to someone else and now its over i cant do this again not alone i just cant

[backagain11]

This is why we dont base our recovery on another person rather then ourselves. Ultimatly it will always come down to doing it for yourself and again, everybody benifits. Also doing it for yourself doesnt mean doing it alone,from the forum to 12 step programs,to counsling and more an addict is only alone if they choose to be.

[RJ233]

I have lived with others with addictions.I have seen it from the other side.You can not base your life on anothers reactions.People can't be your reason to work for control.It has to be you.Getting drunk does not make the problem go away.Tomorrow when you wake up it will still be there.You will feel bad because you got drunk.I have seen the destruction of people from addiction.You must think about tomorrow and where are you going to be.Are you going to give up because someone failed you or are you going to be your own person and use every ounce of your strength to help your problem. There is no single person that can do this for you, it is only you.Until you really desire to be addiction free, nothing will change and you will face a future of the same repeated life. You can beat it.I know one person, that I never thought would make it,do it.He had the desire and a strong one. You have admitted you have a problem and this I know is the first step.Concentrate on you and what difference it will make in your life. I do not pretend to know all about the subject or to judge anyone,just to share what I have seen and lived in.You have a lot of people on this forum that care and are there for you. I wish you the very best

[Cherie762]

rj is right well said  RJ

[freebird227]

WOW!!!!!! These women have really soursed you with so much love and support. Try to take the focus off him and what life will be like if he leaves, and  focus on your next plan of action as to how you are going to get clean.To the best of your ability stay out of your head in writing your life's script. You don't know what the future holds,and everything you are sayin to yourself are life depleating thoughts..First things first call someone and get some help. Keep posting here to get support and don't use no matter what.
        1. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction.
                                                                                     blessed be

[boogieman]

hi there. good advice from these folks and remember, things may not be alright at the moment, but you will be. take care,   gm

[frustrated431]

i got out of the mental hospital on friday and he already had everything packed and refused to let me come back he only told me it was my last chance with him so he could get me help i feel like i have wasted a whole year of my life on nothing but i didnt need rehab or anything this time all i needed was to get psych meds fixed not a need for any controled drug now i am desperatly in pain about losing chris but as they say there are many fish in the sea and that if you love something you have to set it free if it comes back it was meant to be if it doesnt then go on whith your life and try to make the best of this tuff time he still wants to be friends and insists that he lied for my own good but i think its just a cop out for finding someone else she ids young and can still have children if that is what he wants and i cant give it to him then by all means i guess i have to let him go it hurts but i guess it will get easier every day at least i dont feel so uncontrolable all the time now
thanx to all again
Stephanie

[star641]

hi frustrated431 I'm so sorry for what you are going through my heart goes out to you
i have been reading all of these posts and my god you do have some support ,
hun you must do this for you and no one else you are number one here ,
its your life that is at stake here not you boyfriends ,try and  take control of it yourself ,
can i tell you a little about my life ,..i had 4 beautiful children two boys and two girls ,
two of my children took there lives and i how have one son  and one daughter  left ,
my daughter seen her older brother and younger sister die from suicide but she is still with us ,...Lisa ,now Lisa is a recovering heroin acidic she had an addiction to drugs  
she lost her brother and we thought she would go back on drugs but she didn't it was so hard for her not to when i know she could have just to forget what happened but she fought it ,.
3 years later her sister died from suicide we thought this is it now Lisa will go back to taking drugs and we will lose her next god only knows i even wanted to go on heron to forget my two children had died never mind Lisa ,...now there was a big gap in lisa's life what will she do now
she has lost the two most precious  people in her life ,...
oh she needed help i wont say she didn't she is on anti depression meds but he fought
going back to the life of drugs ,..I'm so proud of my Lisa for her courage in staying of drugs after the worse thing she had to face in her whole life ,...she did it hun and i know you will fight this thing also you will meet the man of your dreams some day also, just like Lisa did but first you must help yourself to get better ,..i will never give up on you please don't give up on yourself ,someday your prince will come ,....take care [[[[[[[[[hugs ]]]]]]]].