OMG

[kellygirll]

That was a close one  thank god she said she had none to spare I think she was lying but thank god she did whew!!!! I was ready and the miore she said no the more I wanted it was real weird  I think from now on I'm going to have to drive the 50 mikes round trip and go home between shifts if I have nothing to do that's ALOTA driving tho but I gotta do what I gotta fo I guess going to my NA meeting tomorrow at 1 can't wait thanks for all your support

[VICourageous]

Kelly, It is not just people, places and things that need to change. It is our Behaviors of Why and Learning to avoid these Triggers at all cost..Try hitting some AA meetings too..Each and every meeting will be run a bit different, but it all in all is the same message across the board..UP your Support.
Now as far as a Friend. I have known this Girl for 41 years and I had cut the ties when I first came clean..then as I got closer to the 2 year mark I thought I could see her..WELL she walks and talks and looks like a Addict..She reminds me of a big pill and I want a chunk of it..I also do not want to be accused of using by being around them. You know guilt by association..Right now you should distance your self and not go around ANY ONE who uses. Just Call her and tell her you have to distance your self from her as long as she is using any Substance at all..If she is a good friend then she will understand and or try to come clean herself..I do not think we will ever be strong enough to go around these type of people..BUT to each there own, as each one of us work our Recovery in our own way. I have to have Support from other Addicts and hit all those meetings I can, as I also go over those steps again and again as I grow. Sometimes I stay home because I feel Safe here..There are MANY CHANGES that have to be made Kelly..Do Not play with fire. If you play with fire you will get burned. No Excuses to use anymore..Pick up the phone and call a CLEAN Friend. One who can end up being a Real Friend and Not a Pill Friend..lol
Bless

[weaver71]

Is she a real friend, like family? If so, she shoukd know that if she ever offers or leaves it laying out around you, that your relationship is over. That would be sabotage and willful intent to bring harm to you. Friends and family shoukd not do that, it's pretty obvious. Being honest, I am an ooiate hound dog. I smell it on people and places. You better explain she really has to hide it deep and refuse to supply no matter how desperate you are. As far as she is concerned, she doesn't know what you are tLking about, there are no pills. I think you still need a break from her, but I won't refuse to sit with family who use them legitimately. That is the other question, why does she have them anyway, and extra to share? If she is an addict, you will smell it on her and in her house. It may be time for a new bestie, you know if she is on your side.

[meegWpaw]

Kelly I cant remember what I told you about this and unlike you I am too lazy to reread ... lol.  but you know I want more than anything for you (and me!) to stay clean.  I agree with some others, it is really you who has to want it more than anything, and I cant say how it is we come to that point definitively, if that ever can be totally definitive.  I too have a friend whose number I know, and I have known for ten years, etc.  The desire to be clean has to come from us .... and we have to insist on it.  yes, you just ask the person to be your sponsor.  they will give you suggestions but if you want to start your step work I would just start.  hope you are doing well today and I wanted to show my support <3

[nursegirl6572]

Great post!!!!

Kelly, that's worth reading over and over!!!  ALL of the replies are!  Come on girl!!!  No one was looking out for you..including YOU!  You just got lucky.  You won't always be that lucky.  You might as well consider that you relapsed...because you did, mentally.  You would have relapsed physically if you would have gotten your hands on pills.

Time to pull up those boot straps and ramp up your efforts in a big way!

You can do this, but you've GOT to put more roadblocks up...you've always left that friend of yours open, from the beginning of you posting.  There was always a reason you couldn't cut her out of your life.  While a lot of those reasons are valid...there's also a big part of that that's your addiction whispering in your ear.

[OpenMind24hours]

I discovered that it wasn't just people places and things that assisted in my last relapse out of three tries.  It was myself vs my addiction. Around 4 years ago I had gotten clean twice within a two year period. I had 9 months clean in NA, going to meetings and collecting key tags, but relying on my prior years of sobriety. I hadn't worked the steps in years. All I did was to simply go to my doctors appointment. Whoops! I never did cut him off... My addiction and I had left that option completely open - and it had been sitting there just waiting for me. At the appointment, unpremeditated, I just blurted out all this BS about pain and my back condition and got 90 7.5s with two refills. It was off to the races, and I also started drinking after many years clean from alcohol. Now I find myself on my third try. I told my doctor my addiction secret. I'm working the program like my life depends on it. I'm just not sure I have a 4th recovery left.

[kellygirll]

of course i read them i read and re read them always they are very helpful very helpful

[kellygirll]

thank you all for your support i am confused as to how to cut this friend out of my life i know her number by heart i know where she lives what do i do?? how if I'm not wanting to use real bad do i not contact her i don't get it she doesn't contact call text or nothing me its me contacting her i told her i can't hang with her anymore so she doesn't try to but if i want alls i gotta do is go to her house and when I'm not working thats easy she lives like 40 mins from me but when I'm at work on saturdays its hard and it was my routine for years she's just one town over so what I'm going to do from now on is just drive home after my morning run and drive back for the afternoon one its a lot of unessary driving 50 extra miles but if its what i gotta do to stay clean i will I'm going to ask this lady to be my sponsor at my wednesday meeting what do i do just ask her?? I'm not sure how this works i know this lady at my sunday meeting will do it but idk she just seemed to eager to be friendly i know its probably not that but you know when you just get a "feeling" I'm usually good at that but we'll see then when i get a sponsor i can start to do my steps right? thats how it works right? I've been going to meetings for 3 weeks i think so i will get my sponsor thats the next step I'm thinking I'm sitting here sooooo glad i wasn't able to get any pills yesterday someone was looking out for me thats for sure

[Amandag78]

Hey Kelly, almost slipped !!!!
Glad she said no to you. And im happier your still pill free : )
Everyone has given you great advice, but please dont go out of your way to score, you have come too far.
Like most people said, " this is scary ".
Your post reminded me of how i felt when i was still using, just being in that circle of people is enough to turn me off forever.
Come on Kelly, you can make it another clean day, we all believe in you, but stay strong ok? xx

[dominosarah]

Oh man......This scared me just reading what you wrote.  You have come so far yet you are still holding on to old reliable.  I dont care how many years you have been friends with this person, she has to be out of your life if you want to be successful.  I hear you going to meetings but i am not sure you are really working the program.  Kelly, it works if YOU work it.

[Merri123]

Kelly you have worked way to hard to let go now.

Since everyone knows - husband Dad son - you have to lean on them for support. Tell them how bad you are craving. Let them keep you busy by talking or doing something. Or just being together. Bc if you are with them then you can't use right?

And please you have to cut your friend/source. Totally and completely. She will bring you back there. Even if she tries not too just knowing she has them is all it takes.

And yes - another meeting. And a Spinsor you can call at these times.  

One step at a time. One day at a time. You got they today. It was hard but you got thru it. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

[jifmoc]

Hi, I read all your posts referring to this old "friend" who has a constant stash. I will tell you one or maybe the main reason at least for now aside from meetings and this board is I literally have ZERO access to any. I think that may also add some acceptance to it, too. If I could "flirt" w/ getting some this early in the game, I would obsess like crazy like you did.  We all know how damn easy it is to call that lovely dealer.

You experienced I think what they call a "God shot", that your friend just didn't have any. Or maybe you were just dam n lucky. Either way, hate to say this, I'm sure it's hard but, you gotta get that girl outta your life. That friendship is not worth losing everything (if you haven't already.)  It's hard to be assertive while not on pills but I'm finding doing things that "scare" me help my confidence. So, go tell her no mas, or just delete her. Whatever, but you have to.

[OpenMind24hours]

Kelly, IBK is spot on. Indeed go to that meeting but work those steps. Get the green and gold steps working guide if you haven't already and work with somebody. Keep moving forward.  It's the personal housecleaning steps that save us from ourselves. Those triggers deep down are still there to be dealt with. The program WILL work, but we gotta work it. It's the SOS (same old stuff) that's been running in our minds that we got to change within ourselves. If we don't change, nothing changes.

Glad to hear you got out of the close call in one piece.

[clean_in_ks]

Did you even read our comments on the thread you started 5 hrs ago when you were romancing this idea?

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Addiction-Substance-Abuse/Oooo-bad-cravings-again/show/2219384

[IBKleen]

WOW..that is scary. I really have to suggest that you step up your aftercare lady. Going to meetings is great but it is not enough. You need to get to the root of your issues and why you used in the first place. Once you get there you can work on new behaviors and relapse prevention skills. I'm concerned about you.

[lulu747]

Kelly you are worrying me here.  That was too close of a call.
Will you please delete this girl's number and remove this from your life?
Next time you may not be so lucky and then what?
Step up the meetings.  You are in a vulnerable place.
Lu