2107676 tn?1388973859

One week clean

One whole precious week.  I have accomplished more this week than I have in 5 years of using.  I know I still have a long way too go and a lot more to accomplish and some times it feels overwhelming because I am getting pressured but wow, I am pretty proud of myself.  I took care of the financials and got them off my back for now.  I can answer my phone again.  
I am very slowly lookiing at the mess my house is in and trying hard to do a little bit at a time.  I put out weeks worth of garbage the other night.   My house doesn't smell like kitty litter anymore  
Oh, I have so much to do yet but I am doing something every day and every night I feel so sore and beat up but proud of what I accomplished.
I hate waking up this early but it goes with getting clean.  Sore, tired, weak and all, I am one day closer to feeling better and getting my life back.  
I had strong cravings last night but didn't think of using.  I just ran to the store and bought cookies and a chocolate bar.  It really worked.  Using was not an option.
52 Responses
2083449 tn?1381354708
Wow! You have made it through arguably one of the toughest weeks ever! You've worked so hard and have faced things that are tough to deal with when you are using, and even tougher while newly clean! I'm so very happy for you!

The only advice I can give is to just keep moving forward! I know I say that over and over again! Some days it will be very small things, other days it will be huge tasks! You will get through all of this in your own time! Don't let yourself get overwhelmed! For me, it is so easy to do, and that is when I crave the worst!

Take care my dear friend! I'm behind you all the way no matter what you chose! I know you will choose and clean, happy, and healthy life! You are well on your way!
Avatar universal
Pat, I'm so happy for you! And it's only just begun! You will start getting more energy every day! And it will be better than the fake energy from the pills. I haven't been this high in years! And it's a natural high! Unbelievable! Day 18 for me! Keep up the good work, you are doing fantastic!!!!!
2107676 tn?1388973859
I can't say it hasn't been rough but wow, I feel like I am living again.
Yes, I can hardly wait for my energy to come back so I can take on so much more.
Thanks for your support Silkie.
It means a lot.
Avatar universal
LMAO!  I know this is Pat's post, but I just noticed or figured out, we have the same days being clean.....heeheehee!
2107676 tn?1388973859
Quit highjacking my posts.  You could have at least said SOMETHING about me. lmao just kidding
Avatar universal
One week eh!  Good for you, that was the biggest step and probably the longest week of your life, but Silkie is right it just gets better and better everyday.  I am so proud of you.  This is the hardest thing in the world to do and you have done it.  Now, most of the physical stuff is over, just be prepared for the mental.  During my second week, I thought for sure I had a Mental Illness, I was sad and nothing seemed to be worth it.  But once your brain levels out, that goes away.  Take care of yourself, you deserve it.  Do something fun and exciting.  I used to love to pamper myself, you know like getting my hair done, going for pedicures, manicures, massages.  But all that stopped, because as those of us who bought their pills as well as getting scripts know full well you don't waste your hard earned money on bills or to do those great things for yourself, it ALL goes to your habit.  Now, it is starting to be about "me" again.  At first I thought, "I can't do this, spend money on myself, after the situation I put my family in".  But when it comes right down to it, if momma's happy - everyone's happy.  My husband always says, "A happy wife, is a happy life".  So really start focusing on you and taking care of you.  In whatever way works for you!!!  Way to go one your one week.
2107676 tn?1388973859
As long as I keep moving I am happy.  I am planning another walk today and then will probably dive back into bed for awhile.  Then hopefully get up and accomplish something in my house.  If I do that, I will be very happy.
I have lots to keep me busy.  The hardest part is getting moving.
Espcially when you don't get much sleep;  4am is tooo freaking early.
Avatar universal
Oh Pat. Congratulations.
You sound so much like me. I find eating sugar helps. Lots. Too much. It borders on gross. Lol. ( for me I mean. Haha)
You are doing great.
You are helping me more than you know.xo
4149717 tn?1389503561
1 week eh??? Well hot diggity damn buttercup!!! Im so proud of you! It was the fear of me flying to Canada and kicking you in the rear that did it this time isnt it?? I understand, I can be quite mean (as you already know)  lol

You are going to beat this this time! I have no doubt! :) Theres no stopping you now!!!

Ill be sending you more chocolate and cookies!!

1416133 tn?1351123217
pat - that is exactly how it worked for me.  Every day I did something - at first even a load of laundry felt impossible.  But I did it and felt great about it - and the next day you'll find something else you need to get done.  And each day you'll be able to tackle something new and even more.  And the sense of accomplishment you'll feel before bedtime each day will be amazing.  It really does work if you take it slow and focus only on the day ahead of you.

You're doing this.  One week. WOW!
3164225 tn?1358973174
Congrats Pat!! One week is huge. YOu have decided to take back your life and that is awesome! YOu should see about some form of aftercare as after the physical comes the mental (The toughtest part of this whole deal). Stay strong and just be ready God Bless :)))
2218783 tn?1357571081
Pat I am so Happy For You!!!  You are takin this one day at a time and doing whatever it takes Cookies chocolate sounds Great! You go ! BatGirl!

Lets Dance! whewt!!!!!!  Whewt!
I am seriously dancing doing My Move for you LOL!
have a great day My Friend I am off to work had to come on real quick to see how you were doing! I am sending you Positive Thoughts and pulling hard for you!
1416133 tn?1351123217
Thanks, sunny, for mentioning aftercare.  pat, you have an appt. coming up with a rehab, so take advantage of that time to put an aftercare plan in place.  It's imperative you do that.  That will make the difference for you this time.
2107676 tn?1388973859
Thanks again for all your support.  It is much needed.
I do have an appt. on Monday with a DA councilor BUT, always a but.
I can't financially do a 30 day rehab right now.  There is no way in hell.  The commitments I had to make to creditors make that impossible.
I have to do everything I can right now to get this house on the market and there is lots to be done.
I really wish I could do a rehab but I can't right now.
I will go for councilling and then hopefully AA or NA.
Avatar universal
The getting back into bad habit is not good for you or anyone, psychologically.  It sends an "I am sick" message and its depressing. Sit down and watch TV or lay on the couch but don't crawl into bed during the day!  Healthy people don't do that!

Now, ask me where I am at the moment...LMAO....I'm in bed!!  It's still early here...so that's my excuse!!
1416133 tn?1351123217
Definitely don't get back into bed.  The couch is a better place for resting during the day.  I couldn't agree more that staying in bed will feed your depression.

Find something that needs to get done around your home, and do it.  Then if you need to take a break, do it on the couch so that at least you're up (sort of).  It will make you appreciate bedtime more at the end of the day if you aren't living in that room all day long.

But I'm more concerned now that you're back-peddling (a little) on the rehab.  I thought it was an option for you - what's changed?  See, pat, I'm afraid with time you're going to stop focusing on your recovery and that will trip you up, I promise you it will.  Getting well needs to be your focus for today.  Given your financial situation, it's not going to be fixed overnight - believe me, I know what I'm talking about when it comes to that.  So why not focus now on getting well?  Those stresses of handling all of that right now will trigger you big time.  Now is the time to take it easy, work your way back, focus on aftercare.  It's not the time to try to sell your home.  It's been this long already, right, so what difference will a few more months really make?
4149717 tn?1389503561
Pat, I know you are struggling with all the financial stuff right now and it is adding to how difficult staying clean is BUT I kinda have to agree with ImDONE in the fact of whats a couple of more months to wait ? You know I care about you and want you to succeed and take your life back!! But I too am concerned that you will lose focus on your recovery (because your focusing on everything else) and thats when we slip up.

With that said, I think the fact that you are still willing to see an Addictions counselor and attend NA/AA meetings is a FANTASTIC step and not one that is easy to do! And im so proud of you for doing it!  So start with that, maybe after a session or two they can help you figure out if IP Rehab is good for you.
2107676 tn?1388973859
I sent you a PM about what's going on in my life and the reason I can't go to rehab right now. I would love to but it's impossible in the immediate future.
Once I get a few things settled, and a big job done, I would be happy to go.
I would LOVE to go.
2107676 tn?1388973859
Avatar universal
Great job pat!!!  One week wow. I can imagine how hard it was for you.
But i to have to agree DO NOT get in bed.
As you know my situation pat.
I'm no where near what you have accomplished. Great job!!!
I do understand keeping busy to keep your mind somewhere else.
You will get this done, a week is huge. I wish i was at one week.
Proud of you pat.
4149717 tn?1389503561
YEAH VICKI, GET OUT OF BED (and go shopping and buy me something nice) :D
Avatar universal
Congrats on 1 week lady! Proud of you!!! Xoxo
495284 tn?1333894042
Congrats on your clean time Pat.  I am really proud of you as this has been a long struggle.  If rehab is out of the question right now then you need to really get going with your counseling.  As for all the things you need to get done, sit down and prioritize what needs done first.  You dont want to get overwhelmed.  Even looking around your house can cause that.  After my dad passed away i couldnt get rid of his clothes.  Just the thought made me cringe.  Well my daughters took one of my shirts my dad wore and they presented me a bear at Christmas time, made out of his favorite shirt.  It is my most cherished possession.  Just a thought......
2107676 tn?1388973859
Oh Sara
How wondeful is that.  That just warmed my heart.  I slept with John's favourite shirt forever.  I wear it sometims now around the house when I feel bad and want to feel close to him.
That is such a beautiful idea and what a thoughtful daugher you have.
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