Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Oxy abuse - my story

I started using recreationally in College about 3.5 years ago, during my sophomore year. Dose started off at half a 30mg pill. I would usually split it with somebody else. That habit went on casually for about a year or so. Towards the later years of undergrad, I started using a 30mg pill all to myself. Several of my friends developed nasty habits when being in school around them and selling them. They were basically always around. Surprisingly for me, my occasional use started to turn into more of a serious habit within the past year, after graduation. The stress of my graduate school program led me to the pills to relax and escape. I would go to my friends house on the weekends, and eventually started doing them every single week. At least 2 pills. This became normal. I then progressed into stopping by during the week as well to look for a nice relaxing mid-week break. Basically, you guys know that this is the point where I should have stopped. I must have started to use them to the point where when I was not doing them, I started feeling that lethargic, mentally tired and an overall "shot" feeling. As a result, I started doing them more and more, because I felt like they were "waking me up" and allowing me to do lots of my graduate school-work in the late hours of the night. It would have been impossible to stay awake without them at this point. I was doing maybe 90-120mg a night the past few months, at least 3 days of the week, and they days in between when I would skip I would feel really tired and completely wiped out from the beginning to the end of the day. I have been managing to keep afloat at work, since there is really not that much supervision and as long as you get your work done, nobody says anything. I finished my grad degree, and the only people that know I use are my friends at this point. Family, girlfriend and co-workers are unaware of the situation, although I have told my girlfriend over and over how I feel depressed, tired, weak. Obviously, I know why I feel the way I do, but I cannot get myself to tell her because I am afraid of admitting to this addiction. I know at this point, that is exactly what it is. I am ashamed of myself for putting myself in this situation. I tried to stop using two weeks ago, I managed to go 6 days without any pills and only one suboxone strip, and felt like I "earned" myself to use for just one more night. I ended up doing 4 30 mg pills that night, and then picked up and did another three the next night. Afterwards, the next day I was feeling good until I felt the withdrawals begin again. I picked up another sub strip to help get through this again, and at the end of today, it will be 5 days without any pills. I spoke to a mental health counselor yesterday, and told her everything I said here and more because I am committed to getting better. I also want to use these forums as another way of speaking my mind and talking with people who have dealt with this problem. I am sorry for the long post, but I wanted to get the whole story out. I do not want to deal with this addiction any more, and need to learn how to effectively deal with the voice of the "devil in my ear" telling me it is okay to do one more, that it'll make you feel better, have more energy, just one more night...

I'd love to hear from some people. Thank you.
32 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
I think you and I have a lot in common on why we continued using, and how it got a grasp on our lives. It is odd, because it was only when I started using often, that I got that "wired" feeling that would allow me to be a superhero when it came to getting my coursework done late into the night after a hard day of work. Of course, this "superhero" feeling I was getting is what got me addicted, and I wish I had never gotten to that stage. The only thing I can do not is fight my urge to continue using, and allow my brain to get back where it used to be. I find it amazing how the chemical craving causes us to lie to people and be deceitful to the ones we love the most. It is a very dangerous drug that I wish I never tried in the first place. I am so thankful I was able to at least recognize that this was no longer fun, and instead, a serious issue. I am still considering telling my girlfriend, because I think she will support me, but I am just not ready to talk yet.

Stay strong during your detox. I find that posting here has been really helping me a lot, and thank you for responding to my post.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Today, I am starting to feel my energy come back again, and yesterday was the first day when I was driving home and did not have a huge mental debate of whether I was going to stop by my buddys house to pick up. He is on the way home, and it would have been so easy to get them, but I knew that was the wrong thing to do, and continued driving. I really cannot wait to get back to feeling like myself again. Having that feeling, like you said, will be better than the high. I can go back to being productive, funny, happy and in control of my own life. Thanks for your advice!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi and welcome to the forum.  Congrats on taking steps to help yourself; you definitely are in the grasp of addiction but you can get off the roller coaster now before 3 or 4 more years passes and you are even deeper in.  I, too, started taking Oxy and Percocet for the same reasons.  I am a female professional and mom.  I started using before my kids came, was clean during the period I tried to conceive and while pregnant, and then started using more heavily after the birth of my twins.  I am very Type A, overachiever and the pills gave me energy, too. That is how it felt, at least.  My husband is disabled and therefore I have access to a plethora of meds, at no cost, at any time.  As my use progressed, which it inevitably does, he became aware of my abuse. I then tried to stop by using subs and ultimately started switching between subs and pills.  If I am being honest with myself now, I was just doing that to reduce the amount of Oxy I was taking and throw him off.  When I did attemp to truly quit and taper from subs, the stop was so awful and prolonged that I went back to pills.  I finally had to demand that my husband lock his pills in a safe and I am now detoxing.  Please, you are obviously a very intelligent young man with a bright future ahead; STOP NOW. We all think we can have "just one more" but that is addiction- we can never have just one.  I would consider telling your girlfriend, as difficult as that is.  You might be very surprised by her support.  It will keep you more accountable, especially if your friends use.  I would also caution you that the potential to accidentally overdose is increased when you are going days without the drugs and then have a binge day, so be very careful.  Our close friend lost his wife to accidental overdose last year.  She was prescribed Oxy but was taking more than she was supposed to and died in her sleep at 38. Stay close, keep posting for support.  This site is the best, so much support and love.  You are young and strong, you can do it!!

JJ
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
First, welcome to this site, second congrats on admitting there is a problem and wanting to fix it. I too was taking oxycodone (too many mlgs) and I know it is rough coming off, I'm still having physical symptoms of detox at day 13. But I'm starting to feel normal again. As others have said, be aware of the subs, they are bad in themselves, and harder to detox from then the initial drug. Having support is huge, I know it is hard to tell other people, but the closets one to you, you need to tell. Remember that voice in your head telling you"just one more pill, to ease whatever or for a reward" that is our addict brain kicking in to high gear because it is not getting what it is craving. DO NOT LISTEN TO IT. It can get a hold of you worst then it has right now, don't give in because you are doing great. I quit cold turkey and though detox wasn't and isn't easy, I have never felt better my entire life, not even the high of the pills. Having a great attitude is huge, exercise, vitamins and staying hydrated, and AFTERCARE because anyone can quit, but staying clean is the hard part. There will be more people on here with great advice, listen to them because they are awesome. Just wanting to tell you your are doing awesome, We are all here for you and rooting for you. You got this.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you! Every day has been a struggle. I have been on auto-pilot for months, not even thinking about what I was doing to myself. I have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars in the past 4 months alone on this pill. The sickening part is that the cravings still come and I start thinking how just one can't hurt. Smh.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey man congrats on realizing you were getting into trouble and facing this head on!! You should be very proud of yourself!!!

Stick to this forum and heed the advice of the people on here -- you are way to young and smart to let these pills ruin you... You saw the progression first hand and it only gets, worse and worse I can promise you that..

Don't be ashamed -- you are not alone this has hit people from all sections of the social spectrum..

Again, give yourself a pat on the back for stopping this before it was to late...

I wish the best of luck in your efforts to get clean and stay clean!!!
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.