PLEASE HELP ME! ASAP PLEASE I FEEL SO ALONE

[mommyof32b]

So I am 22 years old and I am going to be 34 weeks pregnant tomorrow, with my 3rd child. With my first 2 I did not have a problem with drugs or anything and I have always had my kids in my care and I love them very much as well as I love the one I am pregnant with now. With this pregnancy, before I found out I was pregnant I had gotten into a problem with heroin and when I found out I was pregnant with this one I stopped immediately. Well sooner than later I started using again (I do not shoot it up I just snort it)

I need help. I have read so many stories about babies going through withdrawal in utero, and I was so terrified, that I just kept doing the drug. I have never upped it, but I did try to decrease my dose (which is just 1 pill a day that I separate to last all day, I do not get high I just do it to not be sick)

I have not told my doctor about this problem, but I am so afraid I'm going to get my daughter taken away. I feel so alone and so scared. My fiancé is the ONLY person who knows I have been doing this and he has a bad problem with It himself.

I have tried many times during my pregnancy to get off of this drug, but I feel my baby move around as if she's having seizures and I honestly believe she was having withdrawals from the drug so I just kept the dose regular the entire pregnancy so I didn't hurt her.

I feel so alone, and I am crying and in tears as I write this post. I love my children. I AM a good mother. I did not come here to be judged but to get help. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I just DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL HIM ABOUT THIS. Please help me. PLEASE.

I don't know what to do! How to help me and my baby, and how to not get her taken away. I have kept all of this in for so so long and now I just can't take it anymore. I know I need help, I know it. I just want my baby to be okay, and to be able to come home with me and without any of my or his family members knowing what I've been doing this entire time.

Please help me, I'll do anything for help and answers.

[jifmoc]

Very sorry about your sister, that's awful.

For you, and mostly your baby, get your but to the doctor somehow. Again, if you go to meetings, you won't feel alone or be alone. And someone can give you a ride: addicts helping other addicts. Please don't make excuses, just go.

[Cricketk92]

Im so sorry to hear about your sister....you poor thing.... Sometimes its just one thing after another!  Hopefully you will be able to get to the clinic!  Is there anywhere else around you that has methadone or subutex?  Maybe you could find an appointment sooner than 3 weeks if there is someplace closer!  Just a thought.....  Please keep us up to date on how you are doing!!!  You and your family will be in my prayers!  Take care of you!!!  

[mommyof32b]

Sorry everyone I haven't been on here and keeping you updated on my situation. I do truly apologize. I wanted to let you all know that last week I was supposed to go in on Thursday, and the place I had to go is over an hour away and I couldn't find a ride or anyone to watch my 2 daughters, so I rescheduled for today and now I still can't get a ride there I have been trying all week. I can't take my own car because I don't have a license and I have to be alone, plus, we only have 1 car and my fiancé works two jobs so I don't really have it when I need it anyways.

I sadly lost my sister in a car accident on Friday and she died, and this week I've been consumed and so busy with funeral arrangements, and everything for her. Now I won't be able to get in for 3 weeks, which will leave me with two weeks left In my pregnancy, I don't want them to think I don't want help because I do so badly I just don't know what to say to them now. I'm so nervous and scared once again. I need this help, and they are trying so hard and I want them to see I'm putting in the same effort but I just don't know what they are thinking on the other end. How do I go about this with the holidays being right here and their office being closed for 2 weeks?!

[newoutlook12]

Just wanted to mention one more thing. I don't know how the methadone clinics where you are from work, but some do offer suboxin and subutext. If you could get on subutext it would be way better when the baby is born. Most of the time they have to ween the baby off the methadone when its born and with subutext most of the time they don't even need treatment after birth,  this way you could bring your precious little girl home even sooner. Sorry just something I had to throw out there! But either one is way better for you and the baby. Hope your boyfriend gets on board,  it will make it way easier on you not to have any temptation around. Maybe you could both get on the clinic!

[newoutlook12]

So happy hear the news and so proud of you for doing what you needed to,  trust me if anyone knows how hard it is its me. Hopefully everything goes fast with getting you into the clinic,  and hopefully they have some n/a meetings u can attend. I hope you feel so much better and are so proud of yourself,  you should be! As long as the baby is gaining the right amount of weight you shouldn't have any thing to worry about, I only gained 12lbs my whole pregnancy with my last daughter. You could always start drinking milk shakes everyday lol that would help some I'm sure, I tried to when I wasn't sick. So sorry I couldn't get a chance to talk with you before your appointment,  it took me for ever at the doctor yesterday. But I will be here if you need anything,  you still got my number if you need to talk. Hang in here you did so good yesterday, you should be so so proud hang on to that feeling.

[dominosarah]

We are all just so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mommyof32b]

Okay, thank you so much for that information. I really hope so! Thank you thank you thank you.

[dominosarah]

Make a call to the drs office if they havent gotten ahold of you in a bit.  As for the weight....I have a feeling once you get off the H you will start gaining some weight.  Talk with your OB about this too the next time you see him.  

You have taken such huge steps these last couple days!  I am so happy and relieved for you!!

[mommyof32b]

Thank you all again, for those who have given me advice. I honestly am shocked in MYSELF, that I didn't reschedule, and that I didn't lie to him and tell him it was pain pills. But I knew deep in my heart, where all of you touched me at, that I had to. For myself, and for my precious baby inside of me. I'm kind of on edge and emotional today, and hoping he doesn't forget about the phone call he told me he was going to make to try and get me some help. Is there ways to go about getting help on my own if he forgets? I will call the office here in a couple of hours and try and see if he's found anything out that will help. I just wanted help asap, and right now you guys are the best and only help and support I am getting. But I promise to you all that I am and WILL follow everything that my doctor directs me to do, and honestly I'm LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING SO. I couldn't be more happier to get help, I am just so drowned in relief....STILL it's like I just told him all over again, I feel like a new person. I know my daughter won't be taken away from me, and that she's doing perfectly fine. Her heartbeat is at a steady 150 yesterday, blood pressure was good, and I was measuring perfect.

I do have another question I would like to ask of you all, I eat and eat, never throw it up (unless I have very bad heartburn) but yet, I have only gained MAYBE 5 pounds this entire pregnancy...but yet I'm measuring how I should be. I WANT to gain more weight, I WANT FAT on my daughter when she is born. Not just skin and bones. Although the doctors tell me she's getting all of the weight, I just want myself to weigh more, and her to weigh more too. People tell me all the time that I look like I'm having twins, or I look like I'm about to pop....but I', not...Please help me with something on how I can gain weight, quickly, and not to where I have to eat a million things because my heartburn lately just can't tolerate it.

Thank you all again for your support, I've been thanking the good Lord for you all every single day that I wake up, and I LOVE coming to this forum and talking to you all.

Xoxo

[atthebeach]

Oh huni good for you! That was very brave if you, it could so some courage and you do it. I am very proud of you. Well done. I am sure you feel so much relief and a huge burden has been lifted.
I am so happy for you that he was so supportive and is going to help you.
Thanks for the update.
You are doing awesome.
Keep the faith.
Debbie

[dominosarah]

I am so proud of you!!!  And i am impressed with your doctor too.  Not all drs are supportive, pregnant or not.  Oh this is such a relief to read.  I knew you would feel better once the truth came out.   Now that we have this out of the way we can start helping you with the mental part of this addiction.  Just look how far you have come since you posted yesterday!!!!!!

[HenryS354]

I am so proud of you!  You have taken the first step to becoming a new woman!  Methadone isn't the end all/ be all, and in this situation may be the safest option for you and your baby.  It is far riskier to detox babies in utero than after birth which is why he is suggesting that you be maintained until you give birth and then start the actual detox process.  Take it day by day, and follow ALL of your doctor's recommendations.  Now, go get some good sleep now that you have some peace of mind.  Thats a huge load off your shoulders, now comes the leg work.  You've got this! :-)

[mommyof32b]

Sorry everyone that I've kept you waiting who have been concerned and helping me with this issue of mine. I've had a long and emotional day, then had some family over and made dinner for the in-laws. Anyways, I DID tell my doctor. And what a relief it was! The weird thing was, is that he told me he's honestly never had to deal with a patient with this problem before...which shocked me. He told me that I just took the first step by telling him and being honest. He was very supportive, did not pass any judgment, and told me that since it was 3:30 in the afternoon it was a little too late for him to be able to help me today, which surprisingly I was okay with, (I'm guessing that since I told him and got that off my chest that's why I was okay with it) he said he was going to call a clinic tomorrow and try and get me into a program that accepts my insurance, and try and get me on methadone, (which I hope not, because I don't know anything about that, and coming off of the heroin with) and he said then have me taper off of the methadone once the baby is born. I did tell him that I did not want her to be taken away, and what worried me is that he never said she would be, and never said she wouldn't be taken either. But I'm thinking that everything will be okay since I opened up and was honest. I can't thank you all enough.  I will definitely be keeping you all updated about what he's going to do to help me, I'm so excited that I got it off my chest and that I'm getting the help I need for me and my daughter....my newest sweet baby girl.

[newoutlook12]

I hope everything is going ok with you!  Let us know what's going on we are here for you even if you didn't tell the doctor yet!

[newoutlook12]

How'd things go at your appointment honey?  Wanted to check on you

[Krissy_123]

Goodluck!! You're doing the right thing! We bring our babies into this world small and defensless, it's our job to protect them....that's what you will do today!! xox praying for you!

[mommyof32b]

I have to leave in about 45 minutes to an hour...my appointment is at 315

[newoutlook12]

I would love to be able to talk to you right now so sorry if I don't get the chance to I'm actually at my doctors appointment right now, how long do you have before you have to leave?

[mommyof32b]

I sent you a message asking if I could have your number, I would really love it if I could talk to you before I start getting ready to go to the doctor. Let me know if you don't mind.

[mommyof32b]

I will. I promise I will. No lies. Just truth. No matter how many tears I shed. I also have to tell him this is the reason why I still haven't got my blood work done because I was scared of what they will find. I know that's another thing I NEED to get done. I haven't even taken my glucose test for this reason. That is another thing that just adds to my weight of guilt. I can't believe I've come this far and still haven't got these things done that help me and my daughter in the long run...I will keep you all updated I promise.

[newoutlook12]

And please remember if you don't tell the doctor it will be way worse if they find out when your little girl is born in withdrawal. Things will not turn out so good if they think you were just trying to hide the fact of what you were doing,  I've seen it happen to a few of my friends and the outcome is not good.

[newoutlook12]

It pretty crazy how much our stories are alike. You'll do great today by telling the doctor and such a weight will be lifted off your shoulders. I'd say he'd definitely give you a script for something today,  subutext is way better for pregnancy than suboxin so hopefully that. You should tell him you know you really need some drug treatment, he can point you in the right direction. Make sure you stress to him how sick u will be if you have nothing in your system, and that you worry about the baby going into withdrawal so thats why its taken you so long to say something. Good luck just stay strong for that little baby, you both deserve so much better out of life.  If you need anything please let me know, I been there and know how hard it is and how the drugs just make u want to hide from the truth. I wish I could be that shoulder there for you to cry on also, I know how much you need that right now trust me. Go to that doctors appointment today and prove how great of a mother you truly are.

[dominosarah]

You tell him what you have told us.  Just spill your guts, no matter what.  We will be waiting to hear how it goes.  Sending you strength and a big hug~