Struggling with AA/NA

[loveandlight05]

As you all know, I have been attending mostly AA meetings lately. They are close to home, and I am able to go to many of them while still taking care of my responsibilities at home with my twins. However, since starting the SMART recovery plan, I am struggling with the concept of AA/NA.

I love the SMART program. Every night I complete worksheets and read my SMART handbook. I plan on purchasing the online modules. SMART has many online resources which allows me to be at home with my children and still put in the work needed for my recovery.

Now I am at a point in AA where I need to put up or shut up. I have to get a sponsor. I have been to enough meetings to know that I will be stalled if I do not ask someone to start helping me work through the steps. But I feel like I don't want to throw all of my energy into AA/NA when SMART is working so well for me.

This wouldn't be a problem if there were more face to face meetings for SMART in my area. A big part of the issue is that SMART does not offer meeting on the weekend in my area. That is prime meeting time for me.

What do you all think? Should I get a temporary sponsor and start working the steps even if I feel that SMART is the program for me? Or should I focus on what works best and not worry about the amount of face to face meetings SMART offers?

[NeverAgain127]

I SO understand where you are coming from.  I've been to AA meetings that were downright abusive.   Some are full of clicks (sp?) of people who ignore you.  

I went to a Monday night meeting at a Hospital...an OPEN meeting. At the end, the secretary of the meeting found out (because like an idiot I told her) that I was taking Prozac.  She declared me "not sober" and said I had to move my sobriety date.   What complete BS.  

You have to remember that AA has no leadership, no hierarchy, and is run by humans, so some meetings are going to be deeply flawed.   That's why I always tell people that if they are going to try AA, they had better go to a BUNCH of different groups until they find one or two that isn't filled with bossy, arrogant people.  I call them "AA-Nazi's"  

If I'm offending anyone, I'm sorry, but that is my experience.  I've seen people treated HORRIBY at AA, and NA too.  I've also experienced amazing meetings that felt like a religious experience too, so its' both ends of the spectrum.

Have you tried a "womens-only" group?  

One thing that bugs the heck out of me about meetings is when groups put together big trips to the Casino (I'm close to Foxwoods, one of the largest casinos in the world).   They smoke a million cigarettes, drink coffee, and spend their rent money on slot machines for 8 hours.  I'm not interested in these expeditions.....it seems like people act strangely--all hopped up and manic.  

I've also been told that I'm "on a pink cloud" and "not taking my sobriety seriously" because I'm TOO WELL ADJUSTED.   Old timers want you crawling in on your hands and knees, it seems.

BUT.    Go to enough stand up meetings and you DO hear your own story.   I've seen magic in the halls of AA and I've seen heartbreak.  Someone with a long time in the program told me "it's like a cafeteria..pick what you need, leave the rest."

Just my 2 cents.  Hey, you're doing great, loveandlight05.   Proud of you!!!

[loveandlight05]

I do have a few numbers. I met a fellow teacher the other night, and I feel very comfortable asking her to help me work the steps at least on a temporary basis. I just don't want to choose someone to sponsor me who will tell me that I should be doing AA/NA stuff every night and to stop SMART. I want a healthy balance of both, and I do not want to only work AA/NA every night. I need a sponsor who will get this. I take my recovery very seriously, and I want to make sure I am doing what works. I hope I can find someone who understands that I am trying several things and encourages that.

I also will not give up my therapist. Meeting with him helps. Basically, I am not ready to say that NA is my one program and I will go to over three meetings a week with them. I want the freedom attend SMART if I like. Maybe it is just me, but I get the feeling that the people in my AA group want you to be all in with them and just them.

[loveandlight05]

Thank you very much for your response. I like the AA meetings, but I have met some people like who you are describing. Some of the members of the AA group I attend have been less than supportive. I just remind myself that this is my journey, and I am not there to make friends. I am there to take what I need from the people speaking.

I have become very introverted when I attend meetings. Most of the others are walking around and chit chatting with each other. I come in about five minutes before start time, sit down and read my big book. I listen intently to the speakers while some choose to whisper to each other. I have become very intentional and deliberate about my recovery. I need to hear these stories and identify with these people so that I can get better.

Sometimes I sense that some of the people think I am weird, but I have stopped caring. If they can't understand my addiction, that is their problem. I still have not met one person whom I believe should be my sponsor.

[keith600]

Love, do what you feel is best and do 12 steps on weekends, rather then get a sponsor get a womens phone list and use it,,,,,kitty, next time someone says that remind them that na makes no distinction between drugs, our identification as addicts is all inclusive allowing us to concentrate on our similarities and not our differences.

[kellygirll]

i say do what you feel most comfortable with and what works the best for you and your circumstances i.e. your children AA/NA is not for everyone and it sounds like smart recovery is working very well for you dont overwhelm yourself pick the one that works best for you your doing so awesome!!!!

[kittysRN]

Sorry I'm posting  from my phone and it auto corrects.

[kittysRN]

I tried smart and I love the concept and the worksheets etc but I have a hard time with such little support. I also have a heck of a time with NA. I actually had someone say, it's just pills it's not like your smoking crack and robbing houses. I was crushed.  I found a refuge recovery near me run by a Buddhist society.  If that doesn't work out I do plan to try NA again.

[loveandlight05]

Here is the breakdown of what I think works for me:

Sunday: 7:30 AA meeting (Big book study)
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday- 1-2 hours of work on SMART online or in handbook. Online SMART or NA meetings.
Thursday- 5:30 AA meeting (Regular meeting)
Friday- 1-2 hours SMART handbook or online meeting
Saturday- 6:30 AA meeting (speaker)

My schedule may seem weird to some, but after much trial and error, it is what works for me.