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Avatar universal

Please encourage me

Hey guys.

I've been a member here for a few years.  When I first created my profile, I was in the middle of a very strong addiction.  I ended up getting clean by way of Suboxone, and did extremely well for 6-8 months.  After that period, I ruptured a disc, and was put on hydrocodone off and on for a while.  It was extremely painful, and honestly, I got no euphoria to speak of from the medicine.

In October, 2011, I had surgery to remove the pulpous that ruptured.  Of course, I was given post-op meds... Again, no real euphoria, and no desire to use anything stronger.  

In December of 2011, I broke down when a friend offered me 40mg Opana.  I took some and was instantly hooked.  I've binged on Opana twice more since then.  In between Opana binges, I have been prescribed hydrocodone several times, and resorted to snorting to chase the high.  I find myself in a similar situation that I was in so long ago.  I've met my enemy, "Withdrawal", several more times.  I was prescribed Norco last week, just a small amount to get rid of the pain from muscle spasms, and haven't taken any since Wednesday.  

I have a beautiful wife and a three year old daughter who I would not want to disappoint.  I love my family very much, but I just feel like the addiction is once again trying to overpower me.  It's hard to just "not take the pills" when I'm in pain, but I feel sometimes that's just the addict in me rationalizing another high.

More than anything, I just want to put this demon behind me.  I can't seem to get out of the woods to save my life.  If anyone could offer any suggestion, or words of encouragement, I was be most gracious.

Thanks in advance.
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Avatar universal
I agree with you.  Life on pills is no life at all.  It's tiring and a constant let-down.

I am encouraged by your 7 days clean from methadone.  I've been told that Suboxone withdrawal was a walk in the park in comparison to methadone withdrawal.  My Sub detox was terrible, so I can only imagine what you're going through.

Thanks for the encouraging words.  These responses have been very helpful.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for the encouragement!  It's great knowing that there are others out there who have been in my situation!

Yes, I've done counseling.  I am currently not participating, but know that I need to get back into it.  I mainly did it after I started the Suboxone, as a way to adjust to my "new life".

It's hard indeed, but I am determined to beat this once and for all.  I will slip up, I will have difficult days, but I am an addict, and this is familiar territory.
Helpful - 0
1909286 tn?1379435137
   Hi, I just wanted to add some words of encouragement.  It CAN totally be done...you just have to want it more than anything!  I took methadone for over 7yrs and thought I would be on it for the rest of my life, but today I'm 7 days clean.  You have to put your mind to it and just do it, yeah it will s*ck for a while, but I promise it will get better!  You just have to get through it......a life on pills is no life!!!!!!......Teri  :)
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Avatar universal
Just wanted to say hi and give you some support.  This IS hard no question.  Are you doing anything for after care support or addiction counseling?  You are right it is really hard to just not take them, so if you haven't in the past can you get into counseling or supportive program of some sort?  I'll also say there are lots of alternate ways to manage pain - educate yourself on what your other options are and I think when we have other options to reach for or at least try other than pills that does help the mental aspect of being in chronic pain.

I can tell you a year ago if you had told me I'd be managing my pain without meds I would have laughed at you - and here I am.

This isn't easy, it surely ain't pretty but it can be done.   One day something is gonna click for you and you'll move ahead.  I've used various substances on and off my entire adult life and for the first time I am resolute that I will move ahead without meds.  I'm educating myself, searching out new ways to help me sleep, help reduce swelling, pain.  There IS hope - I just want you to know that.  
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