Preparing. Again.......

[freshstart01]

Starting fresh. Mentally ready . Will be going from 1 to 3 everyday sometimes every skipping weekends, a day for 5 weeks. Physically not looking forward to it. Gotta do it at work. I work 2nd shift, so will be long day! What can I take tonight to help with tomorrow and next few days? This is it. 1st time trying to quot , first relapse. Detoxed majorly 1.3 months ago. That was horrible. 2 weeks of he'll. Stayed clean for 16 days..... From 15 vic a day for almost 2 years. Now take minimum amount. Started again foe legit pain but now I know you can't take them without mentally wanting more. So before I climb the ladder taking more than 3 a day, I want to stop on my tracks. Wish me luck. Any tricks ? I have vitamins, etc. Thanks. God bless. Tomorrow it is.

[atthebeach]

kim,
hun how are you? please let us know how you are doing.
been thinking about you and praying for you
debbie

[gnarly_1]

hey Kim theres kinda an unwriten rule to detoxing on the forum DONT make any life changing decisions b/4 your 90 days clean....your mind plays games with you during this time many a wife or husband has wanted to leave there spouse its kinda a reflex action to just wanting things better during detox where often at each others throats if in 90 days you still feel the relationship is toxic the by all means make the move theres no reason to have someone beating you down ether physically or emotionally your friend Mark    

[freshstart01]

I wish I could tell him. He threatens to leave , which I really wouldn't care . I kinda want him to, so agitated Nd need to do all housework alone. No help!!!!!! Ugh

[gnarly_1]

kim your going to be alright pull close to God and seek shelter if its just one scripture you can remember repeate it to yourself and you will get threw your hard times we all have them there are times I just want to sit by my self and be alone but thats not possible thats when I get lost in scripture go to the new testament and find a scripture that has meaning to you remember it and when your in a dark place repeat to yourself you will be suprized how it brings you out of the dark you have a ruff life I so wish you could tell your husband about this but I respect your anonymity it not worth loosing a marriage over but keep in mind our secrets keep us sick so its a double edged sward do whats best fro your family your in my prayers Kim you will get threw this hang in there things will get better your friend Mark  

[freshstart01]

Day was ok. But home life is rough. Down in the dumps. Not feeling good. Mentally. Really mental!

[freshstart01]

Thnaks... Praying. Dreading tomorrow but happy at the same time. I want normallcy. To feel, laugh, listen to music , exercise, I want to smell the roses: I can't with pills. Looking forward to church. My therapy appt. Not looking forward to withdrwals at work/ all though should not be to bad. I hope/ I'll just pray for strength . Thanks again friends . Can't do it without your support. I will beat this. It's just taking a little longer than I anticipated.

[gnarly_1]

seek he in the kingdom first and all else will be provided........Gnarly

[Jo_4451]

Good for you, that's a lot of pills you flushed. So happy you found the strength to do so. I think church will be a wonderful thing for you ( and me) to do Sunday, that will start the week off right! Best of luck to you. You can do this.

[gnarly_1]

KIM GREAT JOB it is hard to do but you have done it...I have watched a lot of people do this some make it some wont with your will power and your failth in God your unstopable you will be one of the ones that make it your making all the right decisions now it takes time but your off to a great start YOU WILL SUCCEED just keep telling yuor self I can do this and all things are possible threw Christ Jesus if you have any questions feel free to ask if you like pm me I chck my mail often and remember he who the son sets free is free indeed you will soon learn god to be your savior as well as your deliverer may God bless you abundantly your friend Mark  

[freshstart01]

Thank you both. I get the analogy. I do have a bible. I will start reading tonight. I listen to the bible station to and from work. I like it. Drum roll....... I flushed the remaining 57 pills. Was 60. They are gone!!!!!

[atthebeach]

mark already answered i had started this post awhile ago and just got back to it.

[atthebeach]

hey kim,
the reference to a mustard seed in scripture is used to make an analogy. a mustard seed is very,very small, so it means all you need is faith that is that size and that faith can move mountains. got it?
you need to fight the tempation of those evil and demonic pills with all that you have in you.
your very life depends on it. please continue with the counseling. pray,pray,pray
the LORD is able to do great and mighty things.
sending hugs and blessings
debbie

[gnarly_1]

A musterd seed is one of the smallest seeds that there is there is a perable writen by Jesus that talks about it bacilly if we have the failth of a musterd seed we have enough failth tomove a mountain  get us threw whatever where going threw if you can get ahold of a niv bible its writen in plan english where anyone can understand it if you look at the second had shops you can get one for a few dollars otherwise the sky is the limit on what you will pay I just bought my wife a copy of the message bible it was 50 buck on sale but it was a Christmas gift and she really wanted it it reads beutfly like a novel everything in plan english makes the bible out to be a booklike novel to read she loves it as I said a niv is a good start read the new testament everybody has there favorite mine is ephasions 1 therw 4 it is all the promises of God truely insperational we spent 4 weeks in our bible study on it theres a lot of good stuff there basic Christianity broke down into plane words anyone can understand its believing that makes the difference if you feel uncofortable in the forum talking about this just message me I have walked with God a long time and can help you find your way your friend Mark  

[freshstart01]

Another question, any supplements I can take tonight so tomorrow will be bearable? I have nausea medicine and all stuff from 1st detox. Except low on benzo for anxiety, but will buy valerian root. So scared but want it so badly ! I want to say , 15 days clean! 30! 60! 100! Etc. Church on Sunday for first time in a long time. Energy is the worst! That's what scares me since my family expects the world. I do everything . Like a single mom, my 3 kids plus husband equals 4 kids. 3 dogs, a bird, 2 turtles. A job, 10 hr days, soccer, dance class, new school starting. Omg. How will I do this. :(

[freshstart01]

Thanks mark. I will remember the scripture. Also, my family does not know this time. My husband would be livid, not support me since relapse. Last  time he threatened me he would leave if I took 1 pill. So I have to withdraw as If all is okay. I don't know how I will but I will. Also what is a mustard seed? Thanks for always inspiring me.
Kim

[gnarly_1]

Kim seak shelter in God it worked for me this ose some of my most imitate times with God I had no choice I was helpless but threw the powers of Christ Jesus I was set free from the bondage of addiction it only takes the faith of a mustard seed when everything else fails he will be there with poen arms to deliver you of this addiction trust him I think I said
''all thigs are possible threw Christ Jesus;; a thousand times but he brought me threw it....all I know is I couldent have done it without God.....get some scriptures in your mind and repeat them to yourself over and over the enemy cant strick you if you do that remember faith willl bring you threw this when nothing else will may God be with you and your family
your going to make it I have faith in you....your friend Mark