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Proverbial Wagon
Hello friends! I've missed you all!
I suck!! I am so sorry, I've been too embarrased too admit I fell off the proverbial wagon around Christmas. I have many emails from other concerned friends here that I'm just now responding to. I am starting my taper over and getting back on track, but I am still ashamed of myself! Anyway, I'm back and ready to put my life back in place and start from scratch!
It was so hard with my son so far away and Ashley spending it at here dad's...again! then Rob (hubby) had to go to Portland area (our office for work is down there) and last summer I saw that there had been some flirtation between him and a 22 yr old "office girl". I mean, geez, I am 41 and still look pretty good, I think anyway. It hurt my pride mostly. I know there was nothing serious, but we've had a pretty bad couple of years and it hurt me to the core because during that time is when my seizures got serious, (I found out that on May 31 while was in the hospital after Ashley called 911 because I had my first grand mal, he was actually out having a drink with her!~ I was so pissed!) We supposedly had been "working on our marriage" from prior "issues" I still hadn't recovered from. So I felt a little insecure while he was down there, I typically go with him these days, just because, but with Ashley being out of school I wanted to be here for her. Self medicated a little more to feel no pain!
Then new Years Eve, Rob spent the whole day at the card room, which was fine, but I did think we would at least go to dinner together, but he didn't come home until 11:30 pm...then Ashley called and said that a parent of a friend had called the police because of the party she was at and we needed to go get her! It was all just so overwhelming those two weeks, my head was spinning!!
So how are you all doing?? Did you get snow on Christmas? It snowed here for 2 days starting Christmas morning. It was beautiful!
Thank you for all your concern, your emails really help me alot. Although Rob is trying to be supportive, he doesn't understand it...I didn't even tell him I screwed up, I was afraid he'd see that as weakness and I couldn't handle that right now! I have already been disgusted with myself, I don't want to let anyone else down!
Miss you guys! I'm feeling better just for getting back to the forum!
Feel a Hug!
~shel~
I suck!! I am so sorry, I've been too embarrased too admit I fell off the proverbial wagon around Christmas. I have many emails from other concerned friends here that I'm just now responding to. I am starting my taper over and getting back on track, but I am still ashamed of myself! Anyway, I'm back and ready to put my life back in place and start from scratch!
It was so hard with my son so far away and Ashley spending it at here dad's...again! then Rob (hubby) had to go to Portland area (our office for work is down there) and last summer I saw that there had been some flirtation between him and a 22 yr old "office girl". I mean, geez, I am 41 and still look pretty good, I think anyway. It hurt my pride mostly. I know there was nothing serious, but we've had a pretty bad couple of years and it hurt me to the core because during that time is when my seizures got serious, (I found out that on May 31 while was in the hospital after Ashley called 911 because I had my first grand mal, he was actually out having a drink with her!~ I was so pissed!) We supposedly had been "working on our marriage" from prior "issues" I still hadn't recovered from. So I felt a little insecure while he was down there, I typically go with him these days, just because, but with Ashley being out of school I wanted to be here for her. Self medicated a little more to feel no pain!
Then new Years Eve, Rob spent the whole day at the card room, which was fine, but I did think we would at least go to dinner together, but he didn't come home until 11:30 pm...then Ashley called and said that a parent of a friend had called the police because of the party she was at and we needed to go get her! It was all just so overwhelming those two weeks, my head was spinning!!
So how are you all doing?? Did you get snow on Christmas? It snowed here for 2 days starting Christmas morning. It was beautiful!
Thank you for all your concern, your emails really help me alot. Although Rob is trying to be supportive, he doesn't understand it...I didn't even tell him I screwed up, I was afraid he'd see that as weakness and I couldn't handle that right now! I have already been disgusted with myself, I don't want to let anyone else down!
Miss you guys! I'm feeling better just for getting back to the forum!
Feel a Hug!
~shel~
Thank you all for your support. i can't tell you how much your words mean to me, then again, you surely already know! LOL
I finally told hubby today and he's being very supportive. I am considering going c/t instead of tapering this time. Everyone says how the first 4 days are the worst, I think I can do that just need to plan it! i just started a part-time job yesterday, just to get out of the house so i'm not always just thinking about when I can take another dose! I work mon, wed & fridays, so I don't know if it will work out, but I am going to try!
Thanks again you guys! Love to you all!
Feel A Hug!
~shel~
I finally told hubby today and he's being very supportive. I am considering going c/t instead of tapering this time. Everyone says how the first 4 days are the worst, I think I can do that just need to plan it! i just started a part-time job yesterday, just to get out of the house so i'm not always just thinking about when I can take another dose! I work mon, wed & fridays, so I don't know if it will work out, but I am going to try!
Thanks again you guys! Love to you all!
Feel A Hug!
~shel~
Relapse is NOT a part of recovery. Relapse is a negative that can happen to someone in recovery. If someone came into the forum saying that they had major cravings and was trying to decide rather to use or not and the answer is "relapse is part of recovery" do ya think they wouldnt use? Dont be ashamed cause it certainly happens to some,,just get back on the wagon,,gl
I am so glad to see you back. I sent you a PM. No I think it was a small book.:)
You are back on track. You know what to do. Now what not to do is to stay secluded because of a relapse. Love ya Shelly
You are back on track. You know what to do. Now what not to do is to stay secluded because of a relapse. Love ya Shelly
Last year I was tapering off of an 8 a day vike habit and got down to two a day and then not only did I fall off the wagon, the damned thing ran over me!!! In two days I had jumped to 13 a day. Well after washing the wagon tracks off my chest, I am now at six days of no pills and feel great. Don't beat yourself up over this!!!! We call it "one day at a time" because that is the only way to get through this.
As far as your husband goes, there is something I learned a long time ago. No matter how "used to" he gets, or how comfortable he is with you, there is something he should never forget... you are new and exciting to somebody!! If he can't see the excitement in you, trust me, there is someone who can. He should never forget that all women are exciting, wonderful, sexual beings, and all men appreciate that. If you throw your line out there I'm sure you would get a bite. Don't let him take you for granted.
As for the pills, just climb back on that wagon and consider this a bump in the road. You are strong, you are capable, and you are a wonderful caring person. Keep up the good fight and let's get your life back on track.
As far as your husband goes, there is something I learned a long time ago. No matter how "used to" he gets, or how comfortable he is with you, there is something he should never forget... you are new and exciting to somebody!! If he can't see the excitement in you, trust me, there is someone who can. He should never forget that all women are exciting, wonderful, sexual beings, and all men appreciate that. If you throw your line out there I'm sure you would get a bite. Don't let him take you for granted.
As for the pills, just climb back on that wagon and consider this a bump in the road. You are strong, you are capable, and you are a wonderful caring person. Keep up the good fight and let's get your life back on track.
OK kids...we're all on the same page! LOL
Thanks again for all your support!
Feel a Hug!
~shel~
Thanks again for all your support!
Feel a Hug!
~shel~
geez.....give the girl a break. addict=excuses like we all don't know that already.............
The improant part is that you did get back on track!!!!!!! Many of us have relapsed its what ya do after that counts you can either give up and say i just cant do this ,or you can brush yourself and start agian. I know you can do this . If i can help at all let me know OK
avis
avis
I know, I know! It was a "conscience" decision I made and believe me...I know not to blame my environment. I was just trying to explain to my friends why I hadn't been here, I wasn't trying to make excuses.
Thank you for your input though, much appreciated! :)
Hope you're havin' a great day!
Feel A Hug!
~shel~
Thank you for your input though, much appreciated! :)
Hope you're havin' a great day!
Feel A Hug!
~shel~
First off, do not be ashamed. Just get back up and do it! Second, stop making excuses for using. The kids..life..the laundry..job..car...ants in the garden...the dog ate my homework... All of that has to stop. You used, that is the bottom line.
You know what to do.
You know what to do.
**** the "wagon" its all about you....don't compare what you've done or not done.....smile, and move forward...I've fallen off many times...its the nature of the disease! Get back up and dust yourself off....."forward is a motive of a champion......backwards is whom the champion beats on the way to the top" So get moving!! :)
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