Need Advice :/

[HowGoodisOxy]

Okay so a bit (alot) of a back story, when i was 16 i was diagnosed with bad Depression/Anxiety (i believe this comes from watching my baby brother die of SIDS at 11 & constant childhood bullying (I was fat because I ate my feelings lol). But this 'Doctor' googled Anxiety and used the first yahoo answers post that popped up and prescribed me a 100pk of Valium... with repeats included!! I thought they were great! I'd never had them before but a Dr cant be wrong right... well I started using them when I would feel any kind of negative emotion (Having a cheating boyfriend at the time caused alot of hurt). My mum took our family out to an amazing creek & i was too scared to jump off so i ran to the car, popped a few Valium and I was invincible! When I was 18, a hospital Dr prescribed Oxy for pain after a wrist surgery... and it was amazing, I remember trying to explain the feeling to a friend at the time 'It feels like a river rushing through your body, and your veins are the creeks, and if you're real quiet and closed your eyes, its like floating in a sea of luke warm water, completely content, complete' like i had holes in me that were filled with light and happyness disguised as a tiny purple pill. I was off them after a couple of weeks and missed them dearly, but atleast i still had my valium! A few months later i found out that the cartlidge in my jaw is rotting down to the bone, very painful. My amazing family doctor asked me what painkillers worked for me so i lied and said oxy was the only drug that would take the pain away, i even led him along by trying other non addictive pills like panadol, codiene, tremadol but i'd always go back and say it didnt work... when he reluctently started me on the oxy i was so happy, every week id up the dose until i was taking enough to prevent me from living a normal life. I met my boyfriend during the start of my oxy addiction, we moved in together pretty much the same week we met and he started me on pot (which now takes almost all our money), id never been a fan of illegal drugs due to my dad being an ex heroin addict and current pot smoker(the pot ruined my parents marriage) we've been together for just over 3 years and i love him to death but in the time that we've been together he's had no motivation to get a job/ his own place. He also smokes alot of cigarettes, so when we didnt have money for smokes he would stomp around the house, slam doors, kick things, make hurtfull comments and tell me that I had 'no idea what it feels like'. Mind you i have borrowed money countless times from my parents...lied to them to get him smokes so this doesnt happen but he always acts like its my fault all the money is gone.. his mother is awful to me, shes a valium addict and tells me things like 'you shouldve been bashed to death as a child' shes shot me in the face 'accidentally' with nerf guns because i wouldnt drive her places she wanted to go, seriously shes a 60 year old woman but acts like a spoiled little brat teenager... so after those incidents i moved back to my hometown 1200km away from my boyfriend... Thennn there was an incident over text chat where my love said he 'couldnt possibly get a house with me because i was too fat to walk down the street with' and he was worried what housing agents would think... he completely flat out denies that this happened and to this day, i dont know if it was one of his family that said that to me or him but its haunted my thoughts ever since, i stopped eating, started throwing up, lost a ton of weight and when i saw him again he was so loving and telling me i was beautiful and amazing but i always feel self consious around him now.(happened probably 1/2 years ago) 5 days ago i decided to stop my drug abuse and get clean, the first 4 days were really tough for me physically but i still had to clean the house, wash dishes,do laundry,cook meals, wash the dog, go grocery shopping by myself ect for my almost 30 year old boyfriend and his lazy 25 year old brother. Today started getting mentally tough for me so i tried opening up and got shut down just as quickly 'get over it' 'it cant be that bad' 'quitting cigarettes is worse' 'its not like you were on heroin, its just painkillers' everything he said just made me feel more and more invalidated. So i told him that i needed to borrow some money, around $150 out of his $500 pay, so that i could get home to my family and recover without too much stress (not having to look after 2 manchildren might help) and he says to me 'no, i dont want to lend you money' when i pressed the issue a little further he got up all ****** and told me 'no, because i dont want to! And its final! Its killing me being in the mindset im in right now without my family or him for support and his awful mother is coming to visit for a few days and i am terrified of that woman, already the situation today has made me cut myself and pop like 6 flu tablets (only thing i could find) i need out of this situation, but I love that man to death!! Idk im just a ball of emotions i suppose... sorry for the lonnnnnggg post but i needed to vent and if you have any advice id love to hear it :) p.s My boyfriend isnt all bad, we have amazing memories together and get along so well, im sure its just as hard for him to watch me get wrecked of pills all day as it is for me recovering.

[SarahOz]

Hi, thinking of you. Be great to hear from you.

[SarahOz]

Hi how are you? Please let us know how you're doing.
No matter what we are here for you.

[SarahOz]

Hi welcome to the forum. So it's been 4 days since you last used, when did you take the cold and flu meds..was there codeine in those? So it's oxy you are detoxing from? How many mgs.

It sounds you are a in a difficult relationship. Do you have support? If not have you thought about attending NA/AA or seeing a therapist?

Are you in Australia? There is help available at little to no cost.

[HowGoodisOxy]

Hey, thanks for replying! My names Sarah too :) Im at the end of day 5 atm, no codiene fortunatly, i took them right after my boyfriend told me he wouldnt lend me money to go see my family, it was a pretty big trigger i suppose. It is difficult but i love him and hes such a great lovely caring guy most of the time... my dosage wasnt too high towards the end i was probably taking 60mg a day, when i started i was taking close to 200mg a day. I have read about NA but i dont think its for me tbh, although i dont know too much about it. And yes im lucky enough to live in the free medical care world of Oz lol not that it does any good half the time.

[SarahOz]

Hi Sarah, so I'm just trying to get where you're at... So you were taking oxycontin -slow release or oxycodone eg Endone or OxyNorm -immediate release? Your smoking pot? Have you had any side effects from this?
Are you drinking alcohol and overdoing it?

So you know I'm sure that right now hete ik Oz the government is really cracking down on domestic violence and taking it seriously as they should have done always done. If you want to get out, help is only a phone call a way.

Sarah the good times will never outweigh or make up for the bad times with your partner. If you had an adult daughter and her partner was behaving in the same way how who you be?

I know our health system is not the best, but seriously Sarah, most people on this forum are from the U.S.A.
So in comparison we have a 5* gold service over here, which would blow them away.

So there is help available. Do you know how to find services in your area?

[HowGoodisOxy]

Started on endone slow release but for my jaw i was prescribed targin, also slow release but i was breaking them so id get the full dose :/ no alcohol! Thankfully lol never been really into the sick feeling it gives you, that being said, ive been known to take a few shots if i have nothing else. I smoke pot currently, it helps with the pain, physically & mentally & i dont get any negative side effects, I think pot could be the reason i went from 200mg to 60mg but who knows... i do worry a bit that when i dont have it, ill just go get more oxy (alot cheaper than pot too) but it feels like its helping.

[SarahOz]

I don't want you to relapse either. Best way to avoid this is to get support ASAP. There is plenty of help available. You just have to reach out.

You could go to a GP and tell them where your at (I think I'm talking 'Aussie' atm) and they can refer you to see someone.

Rock up to a community health centre and find out about support services.

Contact your local women's shelter, depending on where you live population wise they will have an outreach service where you can talk about your current relationship.

And of course don't stop coming here. No matter what happens. We will support you, no judging.

Ok it's after midnight here (NSW) time for bed.

Catch you tomorrow.

[HowGoodisOxy]

I'll definately suss out options tomorrow, and ty for replying, support is everything and im starting to realise i cant do it all by myself. Catchya :)

[SarahOz]

Awesome. How are you going today?

[OneForFun93]

If only we had yalls health care