Relapse, concequense

[Marte313]

It's about a year ago since my 4 year-relapse, and I'm now going at it again. This time together with my bf, so I am currently forming an agreement between us.
I am wondering what the best consequence to agree upon in the event if one uf us has a fall....

[gnarly_1]

HI you will do a lot better with a reward system rather then punishment for mistakes this is a time to build each other up rather then tear each other down even if the goals are small by the hour even building each other up is the way to go.........Gnarly

[Marte313]

We are both motivated, but I am a bit worried about his reaction if I stumble, so therefore I would like to agree upon it. He has a way of turning the cold shoulder, wich is unbearable to me

[clean_in_ks]

Good counsel!  If two people live together, use together, getting clean together can be done....BUT you each have to work your OWN program.
Because we as addicts are also usually addicted to our loved one, if they relapse or have a diff approach or attitude about getting clean and sober, it can easily cause the "other" one to follow.  Happened to a loved one of mine.....he was addicted to his wife, she went "back out" and he followed.
He ended up locked up, she was still free but spiraled downward BAD.
Now they are both locked up and forced to get clean!  

Reading meditations once you get clean is CRUCIAL (imo).  Putting new ways of thinking into our minds that feed our spirit CHANGES us.  You know the sayin "what goes in......comes out".  And we get to choose WHAT we put in.  I read 3 diff meditations every mornin, so I'm with OpenMind, it really, really makes a difference!  And there are TONS of great little books out there for those of us in recovery.  
Hope you'll hang around and best to both of you~

[OpenMind24hours]

To echo Teresa; aftercare and doing this for yourself and yourself alone. Together you and your BF will find each other, or not. Both of you should try to look at the relapse as something that's part of your long story of recovery.

Ironically my 24-hour-a-day book touched on this this morning. Something like: As recovering addicts we'll never be perfect or "arrive". Progress means we're always on our way, not at the goal. It's okay to stumble, as long as we stumble forward. We're not interested in what we are as in what we're becoming.

I'm in aftercare myself. If I wasn't, I would never be reading some "24-hour book", I would never be listening to how others have kept clean - I'd just be buzzed and listing to my own thinking, which eventually got me to the point where I became powerless over drugs and alcohol in the first place. I don't know about you but to me there is no "recreational" using in this guy's life, it's always a disaster because I'm powerless over my addictions.  

[Teresa1717]

Hi Marte. I would have to say that this is kind of an impossible question to answer since we dont know you, him or your situations. I can say though that the biggest consequence IMO should be for yourselves! I know its cliche' to say "get clean for yourself" but its true! With that said, I think it is great that you are both going to support each other through this but I warn you, I have seen it many times, when you have 2 addicts kicking the habit at the same time, relapse is easier to do if both of you are not TRUELY commited at sobriety! Do you guys plan on doing aftercare?