Relapse? I'm not perfect!

[mel123emt]

Hi everyone! I was on here not too long ago. at the time I was abusing MANY pain killers, at once. It was out of control, as much as I said I was IN control. My family, stepped in and sent me to rehab. As ticked off as I was for them putting me there, it was the BEST thing. I put my family through pure HE double toothpicks. Now I am a recovering addict, not a addict.. I'm 48 days sober (I think)

As some recovering addicts have discovered, I also learned that my DOC was masking a case of ADHD. I can't concentrate, etc.. So over the weekend, my husband take a "stimunlant" to help him with school. he said, Hey.. take one.. it will give you energy and help you concentrate. SO... I did. he was right. I did feel good.. Normal. I have had trouble since I have been out of rehab with energy, etc. So I called my Dr got an appt and discussed the options with him. in the mean time, my husband said to me yesterday do not take anymore until we go to the Dr and see what he says. This morning, I got up took a half (not even thinking) about what Ihave actually just done. When i saw my husband a bit ago he asked me If I took one, i said no. He asked me after we got out of the Dr. appt and I said, yes. Now, I am (according to him) a recovering addict who can't be trusted, i am back to my old ways, and he completely went off. I'm not saying he has no reason to be upset. absolutely. I was wrong. I admitted I was wrong, and will take the necessary steps to fix this. my problem is what I have actually done. It's like he is dwelling on this. I HAVE to move on. I need to continue my recovery after this "slip" I can't figure out that if I lied about putting gas in the car, would he be just as angry? lying was something that I was A PRO at during my using stages. I'm not perfect.. I don't know what to do here.. I can only be responsible for me.. not him.  

[mel123emt]

sometimes the old "addict me" habits come on, and I don't even know. this one was my first. If I would have noticed, i would have caught it and not done it. It is what it is and now I must fix it. which I will. It tough to know that I did disappoint somone I love again..

[cathy5841]

hi mel, good to see you back.  you will just have to prove to him you will do whats right.  spmetimes its really hard to break the cycle.  you are past the first step you admitted it...just keep moving forward, one day at a time...

[dominosarah]

Actions speak louder than words and it is so true in this case.  Yes we cause alot of mistrust with others during our using period and i have found that some of the anger i have been shown is their anger and they rightfully had a reason.  As time passes our actions are different and the emotions shown will hopefully change towards us.  I am only using myself here as an example!!!!  Hang in there and keep posting         sara

[mel123emt]

your so right. I can only change me.. not him.. I have to allow him to have his anger. It's so hard.

[worried878]

I feel for u...i guess when u r marrrieed there are more involved than just u..i am single so never had to deal with all of that..was just hurting myself...i guess if he went thru alot of pain with ur use then he may be carrying anger with him...to me that is not a good thing as it takes alot of energy to stay mad...but he has his right to hang onto negative energy if he wishes i guess....i am sure it would help u if he would "let it go"  time to move forward and let the past go.....i dont know him but i would hope my SO would be supportive of me...give him time perhaps