Aa
Relapse on vacation
Hello Friends,
I just got home from a vacation with my parents in Mexico. I have enjoyed 12 years of continous sobriety thanks to a great counselor and AA meetings.
I went with my parents to a beautiful resort with lots of alcohol. I happened upon a bar, and, ordered a few drinks. My parents were not aware of this until dinner that night. I was obviously drunk, and, my mother was so devastated she make me feel so guility because she was recovering from breast cancer and this was her first vacation since her treatments. She was so angry that I relapsed and ruinded her vacatiom. Not only did I feel mentally and physically horrible but I also have so much guilt that she put on me because my relapse ruined her vacation. I am so upset that I had to reach out and post this. I never thought of her when I picked up again. Is that normal. I honestly wish I could take it all back, but, I cant. I am back in meetings and cant seem to get any relief from the guilt I feel towards my Mom.
Any suggestions?
I just got home from a vacation with my parents in Mexico. I have enjoyed 12 years of continous sobriety thanks to a great counselor and AA meetings.
I went with my parents to a beautiful resort with lots of alcohol. I happened upon a bar, and, ordered a few drinks. My parents were not aware of this until dinner that night. I was obviously drunk, and, my mother was so devastated she make me feel so guility because she was recovering from breast cancer and this was her first vacation since her treatments. She was so angry that I relapsed and ruinded her vacatiom. Not only did I feel mentally and physically horrible but I also have so much guilt that she put on me because my relapse ruined her vacation. I am so upset that I had to reach out and post this. I never thought of her when I picked up again. Is that normal. I honestly wish I could take it all back, but, I cant. I am back in meetings and cant seem to get any relief from the guilt I feel towards my Mom.
Any suggestions?
*unless of course you made a fool of you all/did something extremely stupid while pissed. It doesn't sound like you did so I'm going to discount that line of thought.
If your Mother wants to ruin her vacation then that is her choice to make. She can choose to be disappointed if that is how she feels but that is as far as any logical line of reasoning can take it. Your mother is making this about her when the reality of the situation is that you slipped, you realized it and you're hopefully taking steps to address the root of the problem. Nothing more, nothing less.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I always hear people with a lot of sobriety are just as much at risk for relapse as people with little time, in fact, even more! They get comfortable. The people in my meetings (n/a) talk about doing the steps repeatedly, like always, for the rest if their lives? There must be something to it?
So sorry to hear of your relapse, I'm glad you've gotten back on your feet.
This is just proof positive that addiction is a sneaky *bleep*, and one must ALWAYS keep their guard up. Whether it be 5 days or 12 years sober, relapse is always a reality. The important thing is that you learn from this. This doesn't erase the last 12 years, that's an amazing accomplishment, but you DO need to thoroughly explore what all led you to order those drinks?
Was it just too much temptation in that environment? Have you been thinking more about drinking? Having cravings? Did you have a false sense of security that after 12 years, you could "handle" a drink or two? It's important to dissect the relapse and figure out the what, where, who and why that led you there, so you can be proactive about preventing another in the future.
As for your Mom, it's an unfortunate consequence of your relapse and addiction. While I agree to an extent that beating yourself up about it TOO much isn't going to be productive, I absolutely think that the guilt and disappointment you feel is important as well, because an addict's actions have consequences, and this is one of them. Yes, you are an addict and have a disease, but you're still responsible for your decisions and choices.
Think about this from your mom's point of view. It sounds like this trip was kind of a celebratory vacation to really enjoy and soak in her amazing recovery from breast cancer. You getting drunk (and staying that way) WAS indeed a knife in her heart, because not only was she probably scared and worried about you after 12 years of sobriety, but also BECAUSE she was worried and focused on you, she couldn't focus on enjoying herself and celebrating her cancer remission. Of course that would cut deep, but it doesn't mean she won't forgive you. Of course she will, just give her time. There's not much you're going to be able to SAY to her right now to make this better, but SHOWING her that you're back on track will make a world of difference. It's your actions that will make the impact rather than your words.
Maybe after some time has passed, you can surprise her with something nice, with a long, thoughtfully written letter or card, taking accountability for what happened, telling her that you're sensitive to why it hurt her so much.
The reality of it is, the addict brain makes a person the most selfish person on the planet...and if you can express to her that you're kind of willing to "take the hit", and humble yourself enough to verbalize that you know what you did was extremely hurtful, it will be appreciated. NO need for continued apologies or excuses, just allowing her to feel like she feels, which she is entitled to that. With some time, you'll both be able to move on from this experience.
I wish you the very very best, keep working on your recovery!
This is just proof positive that addiction is a sneaky *bleep*, and one must ALWAYS keep their guard up. Whether it be 5 days or 12 years sober, relapse is always a reality. The important thing is that you learn from this. This doesn't erase the last 12 years, that's an amazing accomplishment, but you DO need to thoroughly explore what all led you to order those drinks?
Was it just too much temptation in that environment? Have you been thinking more about drinking? Having cravings? Did you have a false sense of security that after 12 years, you could "handle" a drink or two? It's important to dissect the relapse and figure out the what, where, who and why that led you there, so you can be proactive about preventing another in the future.
As for your Mom, it's an unfortunate consequence of your relapse and addiction. While I agree to an extent that beating yourself up about it TOO much isn't going to be productive, I absolutely think that the guilt and disappointment you feel is important as well, because an addict's actions have consequences, and this is one of them. Yes, you are an addict and have a disease, but you're still responsible for your decisions and choices.
Think about this from your mom's point of view. It sounds like this trip was kind of a celebratory vacation to really enjoy and soak in her amazing recovery from breast cancer. You getting drunk (and staying that way) WAS indeed a knife in her heart, because not only was she probably scared and worried about you after 12 years of sobriety, but also BECAUSE she was worried and focused on you, she couldn't focus on enjoying herself and celebrating her cancer remission. Of course that would cut deep, but it doesn't mean she won't forgive you. Of course she will, just give her time. There's not much you're going to be able to SAY to her right now to make this better, but SHOWING her that you're back on track will make a world of difference. It's your actions that will make the impact rather than your words.
Maybe after some time has passed, you can surprise her with something nice, with a long, thoughtfully written letter or card, taking accountability for what happened, telling her that you're sensitive to why it hurt her so much.
The reality of it is, the addict brain makes a person the most selfish person on the planet...and if you can express to her that you're kind of willing to "take the hit", and humble yourself enough to verbalize that you know what you did was extremely hurtful, it will be appreciated. NO need for continued apologies or excuses, just allowing her to feel like she feels, which she is entitled to that. With some time, you'll both be able to move on from this experience.
I wish you the very very best, keep working on your recovery!
I have been going to AA since 1989, and have heard MANY stories of relapse..more stories of relapse than those who got it the first time (certainly wish I had)
Anyway, there are stores of hope...the first time is a gift, and times after that, are a fight, but you can do it!!!
Anyway, there are stores of hope...the first time is a gift, and times after that, are a fight, but you can do it!!!
I had 5 years of sobriety, my entire family was at my medallion, and I relapsed one month later. I am not staying sober for them, but for me....you can DO this..
so,
you need to make living amends to your Mum, and just show her that you are back on track....stop beating yourself up!
you need to make living amends to your Mum, and just show her that you are back on track....stop beating yourself up!
Sheesh, I just posted a long comment, and it wasn't submitted....
YOU didnt' ruin the vacation, your disease did....
to be cont'd, stupid internet won't let me post more than a few lines
YOU didnt' ruin the vacation, your disease did....
to be cont'd, stupid internet won't let me post more than a few lines
Hi im so sorry after 12 years you relapsed. But what a huge acomplishment hey ?
No disrespect to your mother at all, but its about you right now, you are already giving yourself a hard time and obviously feel terrible. I dont feel its fair to put a guilt trip on you about ruining a vacation. I feel you failed your sobriety, but its not the end of the world. Staying sober from this point forward would be in your best interest. You can turn this around.
Your mum is a very courageous person for overcoming breast cancer. Maybe she feels your relapse will lead into a furthur relapse etc and she may loose you the way she could of lost her fight with cancer. She could be angry and frustrated and scared because god forbid you may end up where you did 12 years ago.
Maybe some may disagree with me.
But keep on fighting, because 12 years in unbelievable, take care : )
No disrespect to your mother at all, but its about you right now, you are already giving yourself a hard time and obviously feel terrible. I dont feel its fair to put a guilt trip on you about ruining a vacation. I feel you failed your sobriety, but its not the end of the world. Staying sober from this point forward would be in your best interest. You can turn this around.
Your mum is a very courageous person for overcoming breast cancer. Maybe she feels your relapse will lead into a furthur relapse etc and she may loose you the way she could of lost her fight with cancer. She could be angry and frustrated and scared because god forbid you may end up where you did 12 years ago.
Maybe some may disagree with me.
But keep on fighting, because 12 years in unbelievable, take care : )
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
