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Reminders

It helps me to think about the terrible moments when I think of refilling my script..like the feeling of seeing the empty bottle and knowing how terrible the.next day will be..knowing I have to go to a sicial situation without them sent me into a panic when I survived in social situations 34 years without it. I hate thrse f ing pills.
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1700643 tn?1464846682
Thats a year of sobriety
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1700643 tn?1464846682
Thats pretty much whats gotten me through since Thursday.I had access to a ton of pills,no1wod know&I was alone& could've been all weekend.For anyone tempted think no1will know well rememer YOU will know!!!I removed myself from the situation(by luck)and yeah I've been tested b4 but not where I could not get caught.It's easier2b strong when someone would know but its a different story when u can get away w/o n e1knowing.I am blessed to have a ur of sobriety under my belt,the resources to have places/people to turn to etc.I can say I haven't been craving for the most part but this was a true test&THANK GOD I ACED THIS ONE.If I can trust me YOU CAN TOO
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Avatar universal
I have a feeling he is with you and knows. I believe in that sort of thing. There are just times when things happen and I can't help but think that someone was watching out for me. Enjoy your picnic, maybe it will help keep your mind off the aches!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you! My Dad was an amazing man. Wish he were here to help me..but hes not so im on my own with this one..i got myself into this mess gotta get myself out. On my way to a picnic..feeling ok just a bit achy..
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Avatar universal
Hi bb, wow, what a powerful and inspiring story about your dad. It gave me the chills. I am thinking he would be very proud of you. You're doing great, congratulations on day 6!

Hugs,
Minn
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Avatar universal
And I actually feel a bit human today..lol :)
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Avatar universal
Wow, Bb, that about your Farher is one heck of a story. You are on Day 6!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! Stay strong, I am on day 9, and tell you that personally day 7 was the real 'turn the corner'. I did a lot of housework while my wife was at work, an mowed the lawn in 90 degree heat. I was exhausted afterwards, but felt so good. It is so beautiful not relying on pills to function. My back was killing me last night, and I have to say it scared me. Not because of what may be happening to my back, or the thought of surgery, but the thought of HAVING to use opiate pain mess again. I simply do not want to. I used a heat pad and an electrical stimulator, took some Advil, and my back feels a ton better today. I realize that I am on a the rest of my life-long road of recovery, with my addiction and my back. I do know , however, that I will not use opiates again unless a last resort to debilitating pain and/ or terminal illness! I realize I haven't 'slayed my Dragon', I've only knocked him out and put him in chains , and must vigilantly keep him there. My best to you and ENDURE!!!
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Avatar universal
Day 6!!! :)
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Avatar universal
Want to know what else?.My father was a heroin addict for years..got clean as a whistle then got cancer a year later..had a tumor wrappedbaround his spine and refused pain meds for 5 years..until the very end when I held his hand while he died in July..he was so afraid to wake the beast that he suffered....when I feel weak I think of him ..the strength and.courage ..his blood is pumping through my.veins..i pray for him to help me !
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Avatar universal
And thanks for your message catuf.. I read it and it all makes so much sense..i am so sick anf tired my whole personality changed since I stopped  kind of a flat effect. I know my old self will be back soon..i started on Prozac on Monday too..
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Avatar universal
No I do not in fact have any refills left..my medicine was given at my monthly visit with my  doctor which I cancelled last wednesday. Im learning that if I refill ill be back in the same situation in 3 weeks. Im.at a family picnic ridght now looking around at evrryone feeling likeba fish out of water..unable to sit still I f ing hate this feeling. Im sorry if im being negative im just being real! Im trying guys with all my might! Believe that!
Helpful - 0
52704 tn?1387020797
from your post i'm not certain that you still have refills left, but from my experience i'm certain that it's a very bad idea if you do.

not picking on or even pointing at you, but it's a very bad idea for any addict.  it's really worse than a bad idea . . . it's a virtual guaranty that any addict will refill and use.  

in fact, it points to an unstated plan to use at some point in the future . . . it's making a reservation about the whole business of quitting . . . it's creating a safety net 'in case it doesn't work out' . . . it's making sure we're still covered if it's just too much.

as addicts, we just can't afford to f around at all.  the disease is truly cunning, baffling and powerful.  it will do anything and everything to stay latched on to us and to worm it's way back into our lives after it's been kicked to the curb.

if an addict has a refill at the pharmacy, an addict is going to NEED it sooner or later.  there are many GOOD REASONS why it might truly be needed (injury, pain, etc.) or the addict might simply cave and give in - - - whatever, it doesn't matter, because regardless of why, the result is the same . . . IF WE USE, WE REACTIVATE OUR ADDICTION.

it just ***** so bad to reactivate your addiction . . . we fight and claw our way to CLEAN and stay there for however long, when for whatever reason we use again, usually secure in the knowledge that we won't let it get out of control this time . . . that this time really will be different.

but it never is, and all too soon we're back where we were and worse, honesty wondering HOW DID THIS HAPPEN and so we fight and claw again, again, and again until one day we've had all we can take and become, as they say, "sick and tired of being sick and tired."

one thing that really sucked for me about my many relapses is that each one seemed to be proof that i really was a BAD person . . . each relapse not only showed the truth of that "fact," but showed that i was even worse that i thought, even worse than i feared.

i was well into my first year of recovery before realized that it wasn't about being bad or good.  i wasn't a bad person that needed to become good, i was a sick person who needed to become well.

i hope you get sick and tired quicker than i did.  for some reason i thought i was on a mission from God to do it myself, without telling anyone, and certainly without such things as canceling scripts or telling docs that i was in trouble.  

that mission almost landed me in a grave and it robbed me of a lot along the way.  i can now honestly say that i don't regret it, and i think it was just what was necessary for me to find the blessings of abundent life in recovery.  but for those who can get out quicker, i would suggest getting out.

CATUF
2545
Helpful - 0
2161407 tn?1337538702
I'm pretty sure bb the pills did not make you feel confident.  What they did was drug your mind so much it didn't know how to be scared or nervous.  And we are all here to talk you through this and hold you strong.  I'm a secret detoxer after 9 years of abuse.  No one knows but this board and my therapist.  You're doing great.  Once I got through the fifth day, it was all uphill.  That doesn't mean you'll wake up tomorrow and feel like pole dancing but every day is a bit better and you get a bit stronger.  Push yourself a little.  On day 6 I got on the treadmill for five whopping minutes.  Today is day 15 and I'm back up to my usual 45.  Every day a small achievable goal.  I'm thrilled to hear you're proud of you.  I'm rooting for you.
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Do you still refills left?  The pills gave us a false sense of security.  You can get real confidence in yourself without something that kills us.
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Avatar universal
This helps so much having somebody.who knows how I feel. I have nobody in my life to talk to about this at ALL! I appreciate every comment! Xoxo
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Avatar universal
Damn *proud *
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Avatar universal
Thanks waz..i know it sounds crazy but they made me feel so confident and able to.yalk to anyone about anything. I know its all fake confidence tho...started taking this $hit for back problems..never imaging how addicted I would get to them! Well not TODAY..5 damn prpud days!!
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2161407 tn?1337538702
They are the devil...aren't they?  They owned me for 9 precious years of my life.  No more.  You may find social situations will eventually become easier.  I went to a business event a few days back and instead of finding a chair and sneaking out early..I had FUN.  It does help us to remind ourselves over and over why we are doing this.  That's why, every morning, I re-read my posts from that first week.  I won't go back to that life. Sounds like you aren't either.  Be proud of you.  One day at a time.....  Congrats!
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495284 tn?1333894042
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