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Avatar universal

Scared and alone

I don't know what to say or where to start?? I'm a mum of two kids 14&8 I'm 34 years old. I've been taking oxy ir's for 13 years. Nobody knows I'm addicted. I haven't had to go through withdrawals in 7 years since I found this doctor. (I have severe endometriosis.) but before him I got them wherever I could. Walk in clinics,E.R. Doctors! The nurses& doctors just shook there head at me and called me an addict. I'd come home and cry. Yet I'd still hide it from my family. My husband works away,he's only home for a week every 6 weeks. My doctor decided 9 months ago he wants me off these. I was prescribed 20mg oxy ir's 5 times a day. He put me to 4.then after a few weeks We switched to 4 10's of oxy ir's a day and then 3 But that's not what I I'm taking I take 5.25 a day,I  break them up and take 7.5.mg I'm to scared to tell him I'm taking that many. He was so proud of me for asking to go to the 10's on my own. But it's gone to fast. I wasn't ready to go down. But he said if I let you you never will be ready. I always go in early and make up some excuse. He's never turned me down....untill now! I called to make an app for Monday. The receptionist said "you can see him,but he won't give you your meds. Your way to early and he will get in trouble."I've wanted off for years,but I'm scared. I have no one to ask for help. My mums sick in her own ways. My mother in-law would judge me and I don't want her to know. I would tell my husband but he wouldn't understand. He would just say so don't take them. I sometimes think it would be easier to not be here anymore then I would never have to tell anyone the evil I've lived with inside me for all these years. I'm scared I don't want to be alone anymore. I know the withdrawals are coming,I remember them. But they will be nothing compared to this. I've had them in my system everyday for 7 years.
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Avatar universal
It's not the unknown I have been there. I know what it feels like to go through withdrawals well taking care of my two kids by myself and pretending I'm ok well I'm dying on the inside. So yes I have fear,a lot of fear! Thank you for your response and kind words though. (:
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey there... The unknown is always scary but the fear of it all is often worse than the actual event..
Pills do not have to rule your life! You CAN live without them... A little discomfort now for a life of freedom later! Its not easy but it IS worth it!
Helpful - 0
6666290 tn?1385538225
Hi..First off...there is NO evil inside you though I understand why you feel that way about the pills .I was on OXY for awhile after a major surgery then switched to Vic and Norco . You are not alone when you are here in this forum.There is always someone to talk to and to support you without any judgement .I dont have a whole lot of sage advice but others will be along shortly .I wish you the best and will follow you friend.Hang in there !
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