Scared and crying

Question

After 8 months should I be crying everyday still?  I am depressed and fearful all the time I get so overwhelmed that I want to shut down. I can't handle my life like I used to and I am afraid I will lose my job and my life if I don't get well soon. I am even thinking about taking anti depressants at this point because I still feel so bad.  Please help

jifmoc · Answer

We can't compare what we were like "before." We were freakin high the whole time, we could handle anything. What I'm saying is you are newly sober, our brains can take a looong time to get "normal", and you are feeling for the first time in how many years? Yes, it's prob brain chemistry AND your disease. Is it happening a tad less than it did, say 2 weeks ago? Are you crying LESS often than you were at 3 weeks clean? I'm sure you have improved even if you can't see it right now.

Yes, you have a great plan...more meetings, help from sponsor and sober friends, NOT isolating and getting on an anti-depressant. Are you sharing this in meetings? Use every tool you have. 

One more thing, as addicts we hate...HATE to have uncomfortable feelings. We want them over yesterday. I'm no doctor, but maybe you need to cry right now almost every day.. Doesn't mean there is something wrong w/ you. You are healing, you are healing from whatever you avoided during however many years of numbing yourself w/ pills. Don't be so hard on yourself. There are solutions, sometimes they don't come immediately. Btw, I think it's great that you are being so honest. You are probably even helping someone else who is too afraid to post but is reading the posts.

gnarly_1 · Answer

Hi Bob.....well I new I needed help but dident know what I needed...a close friend told me about N/A..... all I new is I was desperate for help and was willing to try anything so I started going to meetings.... after time it was suggested I get a sponcer and work the 12 steps....after 35yrs of abuse I needed to learn how to process stress and by asking others in the progam how they did it working with a good sponcer slowly I came around....I soon learned I was not alone in these feelings and lots of addicts shared the same feelings and had learned how to work threw them with time I started to come around... I was told this progam was how to do life on lifes terms and the drugs where only a symptom of the disease N/A gave me my life back and a amazing one at that....so dont loose hope you can recover from this but it will take work and a progam like N/A or A/A hope this helps
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

gnarly_1 · Answer

Hi Bob....I have been following your story and I had a lot of the same problems as you....my last detox was off methadone and I literally thought is was going to kill me....I have detoxed off of most pills and new the drill...I dident expect to be dope sick for 90 days with little to no improvement....I had this sorta dead anxnity that just sat in my chest 24/7 then panic attacks on top of it.. I to am a mans man but even a sad song on the radio would bring me to tears....I was unable to process stress at all and would just sit im my family room in a featal position rocking....life on lifes terms was impossible to handle I was in sales and went from a top producer to just able to make ends meet....my wife was my biggest supporter but was loosing pacents with how long this was taking that on top of the money problems where causing us to fight all the time....just know this in the end it all worked out.. it took a long time but slowly I started to sleep again my performance at work came back....I learned life on lifes terms threw the N/A progam today im blessed I have 5 grown kids 4 grand kids a good job that is way less stressful and my wife and I just celebrated out 36yr anniversary....so dont give up hope almost a year went by b/4 I felt like a member of the human race again just keep doing what your doing go see your doctor if your that depressed after 8 mo your brain chemesty is off and a anti depressent could help keep posting for support
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

jifmoc · Answer

Afraid and anxious a lot? Yes. I'm having that right now. It's life. As addicts, life is very scary for us. So what's your plan?

jifmoc · Answer

Bob, I identify completely. I chose AA and have a sponsor and lots of friends, but when I find another opiate addict in the rooms, it's a special connection. I get it. Absolutely go for outside help; if you need to be on an anti-depressant, go for it. I used to be and will probably be on one again, and many many of my friends in the program are on Wellburtin, zoloft whatever. Talk to a doctor, and tell him/her what you told us. Btw, I wasn't crying every day, but I was so full of rage every day. I mean, so unbelievably angry, so often it scared me. I still get irritated, but it has leveled. I'm sure you will feel better additionally, the more clean time you get. It's amazing how much these horrid opiates eff up our brains.  Let us know how it goes:)

jifmoc · Answer

Bob, stay on one post so we can follow you. You didn't answer the question about whether you have a sponsor and friends in the program. 

You did tell your therapist about this, right? And, like Sarah wrote, of course you can go on anti-depressants if you need to.

dominosarah · Answer

Make an appt and talk with your doctor.  Many people have had to use an AD med to get them over the hump.  There are non narcotic meds out there.

Congrats on your clean time!!!

VICourageous · Answer

Hello & Welcome,
What where you taking and how high of a dose?
As our Brain Chemistry adjusted back when can have a wave of emotions, that is because the pills suppress our real ones. Let us know a bit more? Also, did you drink or do any other drug prior to the ones you just got off of? You might need a lil bit more time, it took way more time then 8 m for the Mental part for me.

Congrats on 8 months!
Do Not give up! Keep pushing forward. You will feel better!!!
Bless
Vickie