I have chronic pain, but not as much as my chronic drug use, I think it started with percocet last year, Before that, I would never even take anything except tramadol for my pain, I was in an abusive relationship, I got knocked out and that is when it started, percs all day everyday for about 4 months, when I was tired of chasing those, I started the tramadol and the ms contin, which is some pretty ****** stuff but when you think about it, its hard to get it, I would steal from people to get it, anything....I was so tired last week I wanted to check into detox, I didn't have the 400 dollar co pay so they sent me on my way, I got on the suboxone website, and I found a dr who says he will see me monday but I am so scared that he is not gonna help me! I rather just deal with pain VS chasing another high...I am scared of withdrawl, I experienced it for the first time a year ago, it was awful but I didn't realize how hard it was gonna be to get off this stuff. I have a 2 and 3 year old at home and I can't withdrawl forever and ever...I know I gotta kinda be withdrawling when I start suboxone, but I am waiting for the day I can be FREE of this habit. It used to be FOOD, I had gastrict bypass, I am so consumed with pills now that I dont even eat, when I can't get high I turn back bottles of wine. I am on lexapro but it really hasn't help my depression I guess? Because I want to get high and be happy, its so sad that I am going through this, I am still in the abusive relationship, its not physical, he is just real controlling, that is part of my high escape! I know one thing, I need a new hobby!