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Stopping from using my drug cocktail

I started to use coke in my early twenties at first on special occasions or parties, I the. Had more a readily and relatively cheap source and started binging a few times a week with just sleeping off the come down the next day or so.  I then stopped for about a year but found another source and would do a line or two to relax before bed and watch some tv or play games.  I started to get successful in my field of finance and everyone did this stuff on weekends or binge on a weekday once and a while, I followed suit.  I had a PA friend who wrote me a script for Xanax for the comedown and it was magic, party and when it’s over pop a pill and still get enough rest for my high level job in finance.  Another friend added popping a Percocet after a line to take the edge off and a little Xanax if you got too edgy.  I got so comfortable with this is started doing it at work, out with my family, church.  It worked perfectly, rarely was I suspected of being high and I got the lift, the confidence and almost felt like I could accomplish anything.  I found myself waking up earlier and earlier to start my days and I actually started to excel at work and even get many things done around home.  I would go on these runs for 7-10 days and then take a 2-4 day break usually sleeping the whole first day off.  The days off I felt like I couldn’t function, I was unmotivated, lacked ambition and was generally useless.  I barely got enough desire to shower and dress for work let alone show up 3-4 hours late.  Because I am so skilled at my job I was given liberty to do so and never was reprimanded.  This behavior isn’t unusual in the finance field.  I’ve gone from these 7-10 day runs to going 45-60 days straight, my last stoppage was due to a flu and crashes hard.  I know find myself prisoner to this mixture as I cannot even muster enough motivation to do simple tasks and now even the cocktail is making me sick, nauseous, head pain and has no where nearly the effect it did before.  I started with a gram lasting me a full day (very high quality product) a 10 325 perc split up throughout the day and half a bar.  I’m now up to 2 grams, 5 Percs and a full bar sometimes more.  During high stress and demanding times I either feel invincible or paralyzed to even answer a call.  My assistant covers for me often but my wife has found my stash and is devastated.  I’m seeking a program but am involved or responsible for many aspects of both work and family life.  I have all the credentials of success, large new home, 3 cars for my wife and me all 16 or newer totaling over 200k, 7 Rolexes, everything kids wear is brand name, 20 suits at 2k average but am living with this dark secret.  I fear I can’t stop or even more that it will no longer work.

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Avatar universal
My heart goes out to you.   It totally sucks to live in a prison of our own making.  I truly hope by reaching out you have found your "bottom" and can take the steps to create a life of freedom.  Trust in the process and know that life can only get better.  Your family wants the clean and sober version of you!  F!*!* all of the "stuff!"  Just like drugs "things" will only yield a temporary high and leave you wanting "more." Please don't give up on recovery!  All the best to you
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi and welcome!  Most of us here know exactly what you are feeling.  Time to out yourself.  Our secrets keep us sick.  See your doctor and be completely honest.  Get yourself involved in some form of aftercare as your using is only a symptom of what is really going on with you.  Surround yourself with supportive people, not ones who use.   You speak of your job and your wealth....Enjoy it now as i can guarantee you if you dont stop using you will lose everything.  There isnt one of us that is exempt from this.  You deserve to be living a good life.  You have the key that will unlock those chains that are binding you.  Keep us posted on how you are doing.
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Avatar universal
Hello,

I'm glad you came here and told us all your story.   The world of finance IS filled with a lot of drug use; mostly stimulants, in order to keep up with the incredible pace, pressure, and volume of work.  

Do I understand you are using 2 grams of coke a day (plus the percs and xanax)?  IMO, you're headed for a crash, and it's going to be bad.    Besides the fact that cocaine is often called "the perfect heart attack drug" you are an addict.  Addiction is a terrible disease that will destroy your life, and the lives of your wife & children.

I'm glad you are seeking a program.  You need to do it NOW, as you're playing Russian roulette with your very life.    A suggestion: I would start with your physician.    Make an appointment, and tell him/her everything.   Ask for a referral to a good detox facility, then commit to it an d GO.     My guess is you have crossed the line from heavy use into addiction, and this is a lifelong commitment you will make.    

Please I beg of you:  don't wait until you have lost your wife, your kids, your job, your home.  Trust me, that is coming.  It's not a case of 'IF' but 'WHEN."  In the final analysis, all the money, cars, fancy watches, etc mean nothing if you are dead.  I think you are very smart to catch this now, and get the help you so desparately need.

Good luck, and I hope you come back here.  

HC


You have all the outside trappings of success, but inside, you are falling apart.  
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Thank you, I feel your sincerity and I’m going to take your advice.  I look at myself and cannot say I’m proud of the person I’ve become as it’s all a facade.
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495284 tn?1333894042
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