Support needed badly

[ibtryin]

so i had a tough decision to make today. My husband has been oiut of work for a month or so. We have no money or a way to support my boys so today i made the decision to let my children stay with their grandparent who live 1000 miled away so that they could have the neccisitys. This makes me want to just find someone with a big bottle of pills and numb it all. I cant handle this i WILL not relaspe but i sure could use some encouraging words about now thank everyone im just so lost  

[ImDONENoMore]

Congrats from me too!!  Well done!  :)

[laurel453]

Wow.. what you did to this woman is simply beautiful, you have given to her the most beautiful gift and i am happy that the baby is ok and that you will have your boys living with you very soon, hope you are feeling better really soon from the pain, ibtryin .... you deserve it to enjoy the time with your kids.. ALL the best ! :)

[ibtryin]

i had the baby feb 8 his mother is so happy! I had a bit of a set back seems they messed up and caused a bleed i almost died! I had 2 blood transfusions and am now left with a hematoma the size of a grapefruit! still opiate free even tho it hurts like hell and leaves me in bed most days. Finally got a house and the boys will be home soon! everyone take care and keep fighting! best wishes                coley  

[Hagendaaz]

Just checking in.  Hope all is well...

[ibtryin]

just thought i would give you all an update the boys are adjusting well at grandmas my husband my daughter and i are missing them,but they are happy and well. Hubby has a job interview thursday so send some good vibes this way! I have my c section date set for valentines dayalmost there!!!! I did end up having to take a lortab dir my pain in my back and pelvic area. Dont worry hubby is holding them i felt bad taking it but the doctor said the pain would put stress on the baby so i took one. It made me sick to my stomach tho. I took it for real pain so i hope that mean it messes up my clean time. My therapist,sponsore,my doctor and my husband all said no so. I have had the script for 2 weeks and havent took but that one pill so not bad i just couldnt stand the pain  anylonger! Well thank you all for really supporting and listening!  Good luck to all of on yoit journeis!                                      coley

[Hagendaaz]

Very positive message :)  Bess your heart!

[ibtryin]

thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart. It is very hard yet rewarding to be a surrogate. This will be my 3rd c section but the woman i am having the child for is such a loving nuturing woman she deserves to be a mother. I have been doing better and no longer fear a relapse. My children are only 7 and 4 so they think they are on vacation and i know will never have any harsh feelings for my decision. I would much rather know that they have evrything they need and want then to wonder where i am going to find diner for them. In a way it is a blessing they are gone so that they will not have to endure this hardship.  They are settled in with grandma and grandpa now and are doing well. And your right i thank god everyday that i have a family loving enough to help us in our time of need. Again thank you all for your encouragement and well wishes may god bless each and every one of you!              coley

[Crys833]

I commend you for making this decision. I can't imagine what you may be feeling, but I have 3 kids so I can empathize...I can't believe what the economy in the last 2 years has caused so many people! It's so sad, but know that you are doing the right thing, and someday your boys will know that you did this out of love and not selfishness. It's temporary, keep that in your head, it will pass things will get better. You will have your boys back in no time!  Congrats on 11 months clean! i'm day 6 and trying to see the light. I hope to get pregnant again soon, one of the things driving me to be clean, i had three healthy pregnancies and in the past 2 years I've had 2 miscarriages due to opiates. The guilt is unbearable. I commend you for being a surrogate, that is awesome and something i've always wanted to do too. Maybe someday i can! Good luck to you :)

[rligh09]

Wow being a suorrogate is an amazing thing you should be so proud of yourself for that oh so unselfish deed!! I would love to do it myself but I had four c-sections and they said I should not have anymore kids! This economy is terrible I feel your pain, I got a letter in the mail today saying if I dont pay my overdue 2,300.00 in back mortgage they will start foreclosure procedings but the next letter was my student loan check thank god!! My husband has been out of work for five months and we live off my $250 a week. He started a new job last week but its pretty much unpaid training so we wont see a paycheck till he goes out on his own next week. Hold our head up you can do this and you know your kids are loving going to visit with their grandparents!! You are very lucky to have them mine would probably let us starve haha!! So count your blessings and start each day positive!!

[Hagendaaz]

One other thing - hallelujah for Grandparents ;)

[Hagendaaz]

It's absolutely unfathomable that these quacks will prescribe when they know too well what's really going on.  They are no better than a street-side dealer.  I'm the partner of pill addict and will on occasion after finding and empty container will research the doctors name.  Often times I find that doctor recommended in posts by other addicts claiming so and so is a 'good doctor' who is easy for getting hydro, oxy, percs etc.  When I find this I call them and let them know they are scum.  It's completely obvious and foul.

I really do feel for those afflicted with the addiction and all I can do is remind you that although not as immediate, effort and achievement and earned personal dignity is not so difficult to attain.  I find that adverse scenarios are challenges that we must face and conquer.  It is so crazy that lifting oneself up from a low point to a point that is just a tad higher than where they were yesterday is the embodiment of everything that is good about the human spirit.  It is the stuff that the worlds greatest achievements are made from.

We unfortunately live in a world that strives to shortcut and snuff these qualities of life through heartless commercialism / commerce - so please remember that if you can heed these words you will be just fine and you will overcome.  Shalom

[ibtryin]

ya he really is an a hole lol. I didnt mean to come off so harshly im just a bit ovewhelmed i kmow my decision is the best for them. I just told them good bye a few hours ago and i am a mess i feel so lost. All i have done is cry. Being 9 months pregnant doesnt help either. (im serrogating btw) thank you all for your continued support and encouragement  

[Hagendaaz]

Btw, your doctor is an a****ole if he would prescribe to you knowing your history...

[Hagendaaz]

I'm sorry if you felt I was being harsh - all I'm trying to tell you is that you can do it and get your head out of the mindset that pills will numb it.  Of course you know they won't help but a little part of you is ready to succumb as you indicated yourself.  You have to be in the mindset of NO F'ING WAY.  You need to be absolutely committed to being triumphant and crushing adversity.

Here is my reassurance

If you make a little progress each day, week whatever, you'll reap the rewards of achievement.

If you find enough confidence that you can do it, your feelings of despair will be upstaged by feeling of pride

If you think of yourself as the one in charge of resolving the problem your kids will sense this

Now, before you go off on me, I'm not saying that you are not any of the above or have not already taken steps to achieve the above ok.  I'm just reminiding you that pills are utter crap.

[ibtryin]

first off my children leaving is by my choice they have not been taken from me. Second of all if i was not serious about my clean time and prevenring a relaspse i would have never posted here or spoke with my therapist or my sponsor or my husband. I have 11 months clean i have NO intentions of throwing that away. My children are my world my life my everything so this was not an easy choice. If i really wanted to i could go to my doctor and say hey im really hurting and he would hand me a script (even tho he knows my history) so to say im not 100% commited is a bit harsh. I understand your trying to help by pointing out what could happen if i did but i know all of this i just need a little extra reassurance. We are not strapped because of my previous use  we are strapped because the economy ***** right now. I know i can stay sober but i cant do it alone but thank you for teying to help and caring enough to post. Good luck in your journey in sobriety best wishes                     coley

[Hagendaaz]

I don't believe you are 100% committed to preventing relapsing here.  Please think about the rewards of achievement - at this point they awaiting you...to make the decision to persevere and overcome adversity.

Go on junk = less chance of getting kids back.
Go on junk = putting your own feelings before your kids
Go on junk = you've given up
Go on junk = you are on 'junk', the most insidious substance on the planet

It is your job to take care of your kids so do it.  Most importantly you CAN do it and when you do it you will inspire others

[ibtryin]

thank you for your support im trying to do the right thing this is so emotionally hard. Not worth throwing away 11 months tho. I hope i can do this and stay strong

[LeaAnn807]

I am so sorry about your situation, but I commend you and really look up to you for putting your kids needs first and being so unselfish!!!  That is a HUGE, BIG deal!  Addicts teach themselves to be selfish in general I think.  We live that way for so long that some are never able to change....some do.  Sounds like you have!!!!

Again, I really applaud you for this!  Keep moving forward, and your kids will be back with you!

Hugs,

Lea Ann

[throwindatowl]

Im sorry. I believe if you can stay off the pills in the tough times the tough times dont last long. Youll get your kids again very soon. Times are tough and its nice to  have family that will help. Your kids are safe. Thats gotta feel good. A door will open up as long  as you stay clean. Usually on Monday is was in no shape to look for work. I was sick or about to get sick. This morning I past by a sign "need delivery guy with his own truck. $. I went in sober and feeling good. I got the job. I needed it. Same thing will happen for you guys. Keep doing good and good things will happen.