This Girl Needs Help!

[Trixie_007]

Hi Everyone,

I've been embracing the community as much as possible over the past few weeks. I love it. I've been trying to help others by offering encouragement, but I think I need a little advice for myself right now. :)

I am on day 21 without any meds. Although I really went off the heavy meds (180 mg of daily Oxy) back in August. Between August and October, I was only taking a low dose of lesser medication infrequently. As a result, I really had no  major issues when I jumped a few weeks ago. I paid my WD dues back in August. :)

So anyhow, I've shared in another post that I work in child abuse/neglect. I've been doing it for 12 years, but I've been on pain meds for ten. In the past few weeks, I'm struggling more with the pain of the kids in the system. I think the pain meds gave me a hard outer shell. I wasn't immune to the sadness of my job, I just dealt with it in a different way I guess.

Now, I'm upset by the things I'm facing day to day...like really upset. The sadness of these poor kids is really weighing on me. Before I start bringing 300 kids home to live with me, I wanted to check in with you guys. When did your emotions level out? I know that part of this is me waking up to my emotions after a long numbing period. Did you notice when this sensitivity passed? I really love my job, so I'm praying that this weepy period will pass so that I don't have to find a new line of work.

Thanks everyone! Any advice would be appreciated!

[Trixie_007]

Thanks everyone for the advice! I took a long walk tonight and processed some of the emotions from my current cases in my head. It helped!  One of the good things is that I'm channeling my rage by working extra hours.

Vickie - that's an awesome perspective you gave me!  I'm just going to have to put on my big girl pants and deal with it! You've come so far, so I know it can be done!

Yes, I do handle cases where kids land in the system because of drug abuse. It's very sad. I know that the government gets a bad rap at times, but in drug abuse cases, parents are usually given tons of chances to test clean. It saddens me that they just can't do it, and then they go MIA on their kids. They're given free treatment that most of us would love to have. With that said, if someone is having troubles with child custody on here, I'm more than happy to help as best as I can with support and advice!

I have no family outlets who allow me to vent about my job. My husband gets too upset by it, so I appreciate everyone allowing me to rant and talk about things! Thanks again!

[VICourageous]

First, I want to say Congrats on your clean time so far!! Ya!
I would like to offer my Appreciation on how you have been Supporting others out here. Great Job!

The balancing out on all my Brain Chems took a very long time. Each Day, Month and Yrs, I could feel these changes in my head. They did not hurt physically, but the understanding of these New Real Emotions was hard to get..Up & Down and All Around it went. This is why we describe these Mental issues with a Amusement Park and all those different rides..lol
Because I was older and had been using/boozing off & on most of my life, and I am not proud to say, but I came from that type of Environment back in the 60s and on up. It was that opiate, methadone and a few more pill rides that went on for over 16yrs that got me. I was told by a Psychologist, that I had only seen once, he told me it would take up to a couple of yrs or more. This Man was so right. It was so hard to understand. I thought about giving up so many times, but my Hub kept reminding me what that Dr said (plus all those Addiction Videos/Meetings and Readings helped). OMGosh, those Emotions..It was WAY worse then PMS or Menopause!!! I wanted to throw chairs out the widow at first or knock some one out, if they said anything that rubbed me the wrong way. I snapped at people and had Anxiety on the Moon. I also Rocked & Rocked in a chair for so so so long. The NO sleep brought alot of this tension on too.
It took me a few weeks to adjust back in on my Home and my Family, when I got back home after 40 days. It was like I came out of a comma, nothing seemed real (sort of speaking). The crying, the laughing, the anger, the frustration or it just goes on & on..However, one day out of the blue, Bang, I felt like I had a new brain put in. I was very Calm and can think Straight. People did not drive me nuts anymore, well some still did..Ha! So much more...

Just hang tight and let your feeling go. Just do not go and do something that will put you in Jail. I really was thinking about you and your Job the other day. I bet you see kids being taken away because of the parents being on drugs? Also, not feeding their children first, or paying their bills.
I do feel for you. That has got to be one of the most stressful & hurtful Jobs anybody could have. BUT then again, I am sure so much Good comes from it too. I Admire YOU for this. I know, my Nursing days had so much stress and bad days, but again it mostly had great days too!

OK..I am done! LOL
Just keep it up, whatever it is that you are doing and no looking back.
Bless
Vickie

[Pat1956100]

That is the original reason I started taking oxy.  To numb the emotional pain so I understand what you mean.  It's really hard to deal with life again once you go off all pain killers or at least it was for me.  That is what led me to relapse after relapse.   You seem to be doing great and have a good awareness of what is going on with yourself.
Cry.  Don't hold it in.  Like Sara said, you're feeling again.

[Jerry198]

On the meds I was hard to the core off the meds a song can bring me to tears my feelings towards those less fortunate than myself make we help .. so to answer your question YES things are different it was always you just kinda covered up..

[dominosarah]

You will probably have these feelings(branch and extension cord) but in time you will be able to put those on the back burner and just get pleasure from the visions in your head!!!!  lol   This is a very emotional time in your recovery as your feelings that have  been numbed up for so long are coming out to play.  Go for a walk, get some fresh air as that does help.  Until then, Congrats on feeling again~

[Trixie_007]

Thanks Sarah!  I've always felt fortunate for being able to wake up every morning and go to a job that's important. I'm not a depressed person by nature, so this has been alarming for me. I used to be able to play nice with abusive parents, but lately I've wanted to jump across the table at most of them. I'm ready to start showing up at their door with a tree branch in one hand and an extension cord in the other and give them a taste of their own medicine. I may be asking for bail money on here soon. Lol.

Thanks for letting me vent!

[dominosarah]

Your emotions will level off here shortly but your passion for protecting the kids will increase.  I have a feeling the families you are working with will have to answer to their actions and there is nothing wrong with that.  You will make wise choices for the betterment of these families with children.  Its okay to cry as we are feeling again and that is a good thing.  Just know you are a voice for many children who are getting the brunt of their parents troubles.  That is very commendable~