Tramadol Cold Turkey Withdrawal???

[PlowBoy36420]

Guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you a little about myself!
First I want to admit I'm and addict to Tramadol, not proud to tell anyone this but I feel it must be done in order to get through this...

I am a 37 year old single father of the most two important people in my life, I have been for 11 years. I started taking pills back in 10/10 due to falling, I have took pills before and lets say I am not the kind to take as directed. At the time of the fall I was taking loratab 10mg for many years and knowingly taking them at a high rate (8 to 10+ per day) and would search them out when I was out. After a few months of shattering my wrist It got to the point I was running out of a script of 240ct within two weeks and begging if I had to in order to obtain any pain meds. My doctor thought it would be a good idea to give me Tramadol 50mg (130ct to start) along with my loratabs and lets say I thought it was the best thing ever (or so I thought)

I already attempted to quit taking tabs before and knew it wasn't something I was prepared for, I finally weaned off the tabs but only going full on tram-track ride which was nearly 2 years now. I'd like to stop for a minute to let everyone know I am a family oriented man and believe in it 100% because of my kids, now this being said I want to let you know the dark side of me that I am no where near proud to admit. I would take my 240ct Tramadol and go search for more and my 84 year old grandmother would be one of my main stops.

We had a major change in life, where My kids and I moved out of state and not thinking the move would be a permanent move. 05/22/15 we made our trip and I had a 3 month refill script on file at my hometown pharmacy, I'm even surprised that I was able to take my limit 6-50mg per day and keep it at that rate for the three months I thought we would be here but by God's hands I did. The time come that I knew we was going to live here for good and all of a sudden I was in awe and denial that I would no longer have a pain doctor to fill my fix and then the day came to where I had nothing left and nobody to go to here.

I ran out the same morning my kids needed to start school on 08/04 and I am now on day 5 cold turkey. Today seems to be the worst of the worst but I just know its all in my mind but only 2 people I know I can talk to are my children. I did tell them so they might have some sort of understanding of what might come. I did call my grandmother (grandpa is probably flipping in his resting place) to have her mail me some but I AM SO TERRIFIED of the day they make it here.  

I guess what I want to ask is. Should I send them back or keep the damn things to prolong my tormented mind. I just want to go back to that normal person  I was back in high school???

I know it don't seem to make since but the words that lay before you all are the only words that came to my mind, Thank you for letting me rant. Day 5 cold turkey is almost over, soon for day six.God is in control

[PlowBoy36420]

I just made the post before reading this lol.
I felt that might help me as well.
You helped me along just as others above and I am excited more than ever I found this site.
Thank you all so much from all places amongst my heat

[dedicatedtostop]

Day 10!!! Woot Woot!!!

Glad you found it:-)..... When you get the time, I think you should go ahead and start a new post.. I have noticed that we have a few new ones struggling a bit and I really think that if you you could start a new post and share where you were and where you are now, it would be a HUGE inspiration to many!! You have HAD such a positive attitude through this entire process and you will come to see as you help people through around here that a lot of preach that having a positive attitude goes a long way!! Like Jerry said above, your post are what many who are struggling need to read. I think you too will come to see that helping others get through this thing will help YOU too, just as much! When you follow someone through their very first days all the way through 2 weeks+ you will find a joy in your heart like no other!!...... That's what I get when seeing you!! I have had so many amazing people throughout the years that have helped me, I just simply want to give back!!

Keep on Rocking!!

[PlowBoy36420]

Ahh, nice with using the full sight link. It saved so much time getting to the last comment.

[PlowBoy36420]

I noticed that link last night lol, will learn to start navigating using that.
Here it is day 10, never thought I would be this far, only thought to try going to the ER on day 2.
I see it's mostly been the emotional ride that has really kept my mind wanting pills but putting physical things to do at task is what makes the days go fast

[dedicatedtostop]

Good for you!!!! Your doing great!!

I am on my mobile but I always use the
Full site option..
That is the best way to follow post..

[PlowBoy36420]

Wanted to say today went extremely well, I grilled out and just finished off a second plate and still feel like I can eat more(did I mention 2 full plates lol?)
I haven't ate like that in years...
Fixing to go walk in this cool breeze we're having and feel like I will get a good night's sleep

[PlowBoy36420]

I was able to post on two others once but can't get my phone to navigate back to them.
One was a day ahead and the other was a week. I wish I knew how they're doing, it made me feel like I had read my own feelings

[gnarly_1]

Hey Dude... I  been following your post for a wile now congrats on breaking threw and now your no longer chained to a pill bottle I noticed aftercare was mentioned  it is a critical part of recovery and should no be considered optional   for me I tryed several options  a substance abuse counselor the pastor of my church  even a physiologist all helped but I dident see real growth until l I started working the N/A program it has changed my life....the meetings are only a hour long and will give you some place to share that is safe and the people understand ... just quitting the pills does not = recovery the addict is still alive and well in your head...  quiting the pills is the ez part  it is dealing with the ''mindscrew'' and life on lifes terms that takes work  addiction is a disease and like all disease's you need to treat it  I can not over emphasize how important aftercare is so google a N/A meeting near you and go  keep posting for support  your off to a great start..............Gnarly

[dedicatedtostop]

Glad you got some sun:).... Keep that link and when you can force yourself or when your up to it,,, go check out a meeting!

I can't tell you enough how proud I am of you! Perhaps it's time for you to start reaching out to the new posters on this forum.... Bc your already an inspiration to all of us^^^...

Xoxo

[PlowBoy36420]

I love the way the sun makes me feel, I've checked online for na meetings but haven't put my mind to the task of going.
I think it's a good idea to go

[Frogger76]

I'm so sorry I left ya hanging about the aftercare thing (up all night with a sick child, exhausted) Dedicatedtostop explained it well, thanks. Through my many, many relapses with trams, I always found that the mental part of the withdrawals was always the toughest for me. I've been clean from them for 6 years, and just within the last year or so, I've started to attend meetings at a local church. Boy oh boy, I wish I'd done it sooner!  Anyways, congrats on 9 days buddy!! That's awesome. Be very proud!!! Take care...

[Jerry198]

on the depression part ,,, trust me put on some comfortable clothes grab a bottle of water put your shades on and go walk outside in the sun the Vit-D will do wonders and the sights and sounds of outdoors will help now you could return a little tired but well worth it.

[PlowBoy36420]

Thanks all

I know I don't feel like I have the upmh to get out and move about, the depression don't help it neither but I know if I just push myself just a little it seems to be a mental not physical

[Jerry198]

EXCELLENT!!!!!!! your posts are what many visiting this site need to read your journey shows that it can be done that there is a life away from all the meds that hold us down you should be proud of what you have accomplished thus far and as far as when will you stop counting ?? well for me it starts to fade after about a month or so best wishes..

[dedicatedtostop]

Great attitude!! What Fogger is referring to is NA meetings or professional help! It's often critical to keep you clean in the long run!

Try to goggle some NA meetings in your local area.

Here's the link

http://www.na.org/meetingsearch/

I know I personally never thought I needed NA until I realized that I really needed it!

Please keep us posted and keep up the EXCELLENT work!!

[PlowBoy36420]

Well here it is day 9 and I feel fine (thought I would put a rime in lol) my hearts racing a little but I  know it will pass.
I will find something constructive to do, I got this day

[PlowBoy36420]

Haven't heard of after care before, only know to keep going.
I didn't realize how much I was tired, we got home and now I'm waking up at 1/4 to 1 just to get my bath lol.

[Frogger76]

Your probably starting to experience the mental withdrawals from the trams. Your emotions might be all over the place for a while, but will return to normal in time. Just keep as busy as possible. Remember, detoxing is the easy part, living life as a recovering addict is a lifetime commitment. Do you have any plans for aftercare??

[dedicatedtostop]

Sadly, others, and often times those we love the most just don't understand. No need to Thank me, that's what I am here for! Looks like you are finding ways to get around those " lies your brain is telling you "...  Taking your kids to the park! Another huge positive!!
Your doing great!

[PlowBoy36420]

I brought the kids to the park, I believe it passed.
Thanks for being here for me when you know not who I am.
More than some of my family back home

[dedicatedtostop]

It's completely normal to feel that way! It was a big part of your life for a long time and it's a HUGE change!  Mustard through it, you know it was the right thing to do!!

For me personally, I received my meds from my pain Dr only and when I reported to them that I was going to go the Holistic route, it was triumph, yet a sense of " I can't beleive I did that "... Bottom line is, just like me, you flushing those pills was a MUST to beat this!! I think the sadness/depression is those lingering WD's only making you feel guilty! They are not real, push them to the back of your mind and think of how good you have felt today!! As I mentioned previously, there are going to come bad days, negative thoughts etc. You just have to push them away, it's not real... It's just your mind playing those tricks on you. Find something, anything to occupy your mind! Those feelings will pass if you push them away!!

[PlowBoy36420]

Why do I feel guilty for flushing those?
I know I did the right thing but I feel so depressed

[dedicatedtostop]

All more positive news!! Very soon, it will become more distant. Just always keep your guard up, as a few bad days here and there may come up. If/when they do, remember exactly how you feel right now!

I am really glad that you told others too! It really is beneficial to have loved ones and friends that will hold you accountable.

[PlowBoy36420]

I can tell the effects are becoming further apart.
I've had a great day so far getting out and shopping.
Even was able to stop and help an older gentleman out of a ditch, it was a major distraction from my down side of life.
I even stepped up and told my cousin about what I've done and let a real good friend about it as well.
I feel differently but can't explain what. I only pray these low moments will be a distant memory.
I wonder when I will forget to count days